Life, Meals, Podcasts

Whyyyy am I like this???!

So, I just got off my first ever Best of Both Worlds Patreon monthly Zoom meet up, which was all about healthy habits, tracking stuff, etc….. i.e. MY JAM!!

But I had never attended one of these before, so for some reason, I felt super nervous about actually talking and showing my face to a group of 40+ strangers. (Even though these are mostly all people who participate in the comments on SHU and LVK’s blogs, or even read my blog!! (THANK YOU to several people who wrote in the chat comments that they love my blog!!! That literally made my day.)

So, I “know” (virtually, anyway) at least several of them.

I feel so disappointed in myself for being almost 40 years old and still struggling with this sort of thing. I wouldn’t say I have true social anxiety, but…. kind of? At least in new situations. I’m just always hesitant to talk at first, even though based on how many words I write here, I clearly have plenty to say. ๐Ÿคฃ

Not really sure why this is, but I’ve always been this way. And I HATE this about myself!! Confidence has just never been my forte, and I’m so tired of it. Ugh.

It was a super fun meet up, though! It was completely ridiculous for me to be nervous about it. The topics were right up my alley, and everyone had interesting things to say. I really enjoyed it!

But I still sat there for at least the first 20 minutes, muted, with my camera off, like a creepy little lurker. LOL.

THANKFULLY, Sarah kind of called me out, and I then at least engaged in the chat discussion, and even talked once toward the end!! I think I just needed to kind of “scope it out” this time, and next time I’ll feel comfortable participating more, with camera on and everything, like a grown up. ๐Ÿ˜„

Everyone else seemed perfectly comfortable and natural, zero issues, apparently, and we couldn’t have had better hosts running the meeting, so this is clearly a “me” problem. Sigh. Actually, believe it or not, this blog has helped me to put myself out there so much more than I normally would have in the past. And I’ve had to do more video calls/ speaking/presenting at work lately, too, which is helping as well. (My 10+ years as a floor nurse before this job didn’t do much for building public speaking skills….)

Once I’m comfortable, I’m a total chatterbox, though! I’m so weird.

Anyway! It was a great discussion, and I’m excited to be part of the Patreon community. ๐Ÿ™‚ If you haven’t joined, you should!!

On an unrelated note, who wants to see some stuff I ate yesterday???? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Lunch= romaine, arugula, apple, parmesan, chicken, salsa verde, black pepper

Dinner= “molletes” (1/2 of a telera roll, refried beans, cheese, Ivan’s fresh pico de gallo), plus shrimp and avocado!) THIS MEAL WAS AMAZING. Hard to feel like I’m “restricting” myself when I can eat stuff like this…. yum yum yum.

Breakfast (today)= a modified mollete (made on a plain mini-bagel (only 1/2 shown, I had already eaten the other half!) plus the beans and cheese and pico), plus 2 egg whites with 1.6 oz shredded chicken, more pico, and salsa verde. This meal had 32 grams of protein!

Daily Gratitude:

I am grateful for SHU encouraging me to share in the Patreon- it was the little boost I needed. ๐Ÿ™‚ And also so grateful for the kind words from some blog readers. โค

32 thoughts on “Whyyyy am I like this???!”

  1. You did really well on the Zoom call. You didn’t sound nervous or lacking in confidence. I struggle with exuding confidence and trip over my words when speaking in meetings at work. I’m happy to have found your blog.


    1. Thank you for saying that! It helps me to know that other people feel that way, too, because although it’s illogical, for some reason I assume that everyone else is just naturally good at that stuff and totally confident… And also, thank you for reading. โค


  2. Oh manโ€ฆ Kae, well done for being brave. Iโ€™m a BOBW patron and have never dialled in to a call liveโ€ฆ largely because of those same social anxieties of whatever you want to call them.

    So I think itโ€™s a huge achievement to dial in, and show your face, and chat, and speak!! Well done ๐Ÿ˜˜


    1. awww!! please come, they are really literally the opposite of scary. The only ones who should be nervous to be on our zooms are Laura and me (because there’s pressure to make it fun and worthwhile for everyone!)!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I agree with SHU– Katie, you really should come!! If I can do it, you can do it! ๐Ÿ˜‰ And it was super fun! I just hadn’t ever really done anything like that before, with “strangers”, so I felt a little nervous/ unsure, but I can tell it’s a really great group of women! I’m definitely going to go again. And Sarah and Laura are fantastic- so easy going and welcoming. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Kae!!! You were fine – actually great!!!! I cracked up when I was like “wish Kae was here” and then saw you were!! Loved having you there, as you truly are the queen of tracking (I thought you could discuss how you enjoy putting your workout in like 5 different places for the dopamine hits – which I ABSOLUTELY get!!!)

    I need to copy your protein ways. Though I am currently in a MAJOR cottage cheese phase (you’re not a fan I think?) which is a good thing for protein!


    1. Oh yeah, I suppose I could have talked about that part!! I forgot for a minute about that! haha! Yes, I do love to track things…. ๐Ÿค“๐Ÿค“ Not sure exactly what I get out of all that data, but it is very fun for some odd reason. As I mentioned in the chat, I truly think some people are just wired this way- and others are NOT. For those people wanting to track but never motivated to do so, I really wonder if they will just never really get the same enjoyment out of it that you or I would, no matter how hard they try. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I don’t like cottage cheese!!! yucky!! I wish I did though bc it is a great protein source.


  4. You had so many fans in the zoom!! You are popular!! I thought you were great when you talked – you didnโ€™t sound at all nervous!

    I am on zooms for HOURS every day talking to sales people and clients so that has made me super comfortable in those kind of environments! Plus I was in speech and drama in HS and did toastmasters in college so that has helped. I sometimes worry that maybe I should talk less at things like that! But Laura and SHU are great moderators!

    I have a harder time when itโ€™s an in person event and I have to walk up and introduce myself. But with zooms there are no sub groups and we are on a pretty level playing field. For some of my work trips, I visit sales offices and have to walk a sales floor and introduce myself to sooo many people. And that is super hard for me. I have to give myself a pep talk and ideally I donโ€™t have dinner plans so I can eat alone and decompress.


    1. Oh, I would NOT like having to go up to strangers and introduce myself, either! I am actually pretty good with small talk and chit chat, etc once I get going- my husband commented on the work trip he won last summer that I was really good “schmoozing” with upper management, random people we didn’t even know. But there’s something about talking in front of a whole group, or even asking a question after a presentation, etc that just makes me so nervous! Once I actually do it, I’m usually fine! Like at work, we’ve had more and more bigger meetings and I’ve had to talk more lately, and I’m getting so much more comfortable with it already. I’ve had the same thought in a few meetings lately that I should maybe zip it, wondering if I was talking TOO much. haha. It just takes practice, I guess, and it’s not something that comes naturally to me. You are so natural in front of the camera! I think I just wasn’t exactly sure what to expect here, being my first time, so I fell back into my anxiety prone ways….


      1. It was your first time so it makes sense to sort of assess what the zooms are like!!

        I wish we lived close as I think we’d be natural friends since we have a lot in common! But maybe my work travels will take me to Madison some day!


  5. I was one of the readers who mentioned that I loved your blog (if you were on at the beginning, I was the one who had fractured her ankle and was trying to still do Peleton arms and light weights classes while recovering : ). Your blog is great-so authentic with all the ups and downs of juggling work and family life. I suspect that I am the oldest Patreon group member and felt self conscious about that at first. I’ve been a member since the beginning and have found the group to be very welcoming. Hope to “see” you in the future.


    1. Thank you so much for saying that! Seeing those comments really helped me relax and seriously brightened my day! ๐Ÿ™‚

      I can see how being older or not in the maybe “typical” demographic might make you nervous, but I think it’s so great- having varied perspectives is so important! And it’s all about connecting with others and learning and growing. I love reading comments and discussion from people in different stages of parenting or just life in general, be it before or after where I’m at.

      Next time I’ll use my camera so I can be more part of the group. ๐Ÿ™‚


  6. I understand exactly how this feels. You are not alone. And I am willing to bet that at LEAST several of the other people who seemed totally nonchalant and like it was no big deal were also nervous and stressing about it. So glad that you attended and eased your way in and that you were able to get something out of it as well. Good work!!

    And yay for yummy food that feels nourishing rather than restrictive!


      1. I think one of the big awful facets of social anxiety is that it makes you feel alone… but when I posted about feeling anxious *so many* people piped up and said they had similar feelings. I’m sure there are varying degrees of it, but it definitely helps me to feel like I’m not the only one. Doesn’t erase the anxiety but it eases that one aspect of it.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Your meals look so well-balanced and vibrant. Did you come up with them yourself, or did you follow a cookbook or something? So healthy too.

    And the community you have on your blog is so supportive. Loved reading the comments. You should definitely attend more of these Zoom sessions!


    1. I do come up with them myself! Most of the things I eat during the week are not actual recipes of any kind, just more of a compilation of foods that sound good to me. We tend to eat a lot of Mexican inspired foods, so like salsa, spicy stuff, pico de gallo, etc., which are all great foods to dress up and otherwise very plain food (like eggs or egg whites or shredded chicken ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). I basically just try to pick a protein and then add in some other fresh foods that I have on hand!

      And thanks- I am planning to attend more! I definitely think I will be more comfortable next time, now that I know what to expect. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  8. this is very honest post Kae… I kind of understand the shyness when meeting people in the virtual world. But I think the more practice will make you feel more comfortable.
    I’m super jealous of you though… I’d love to join this kind of group but being in Asia makes the meeting time inconvenient for me. what time was the meeting?


  9. I can totally relate! I am not very good in group settings; I will never be the first person to speak up or out. However, if it is one on one or maybe just two or three other people, you can’t stop me from talking! I feel so much more comfortable with less people. The other thing that some people are really good at is drawing other people out, but I am still more of a reactive rather than proactive group person.


  10. I am so glad you posted this because I ALWAYS feel this way!!! And I like to think Iโ€™m a normal well-adjusted person who comes across fine. ๐Ÿ™‚ it helps to remember many are feeling this way and not showing it!


  11. You’ve mentioned this before. I find you to be a completely normal and nice human being in real life.
    I think you’re just an introvert.


    1. Phew, I’m so glad you find me to be normal. LOL!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Seriously though, I think you’re right. I’ve just always been kind of shy/ nervous in new settings (I remember being mortified being on display at parent’s day for my 4 year old gymnastics class, and I also remember literally creeping up to the stage, shyly, for my first ever piano recital at 5 years old.. ..I just wanted to die!!). So I think this is just part of my personality, and something I can keep working on, but otherwise probably just sort of have to embrace. ๐Ÿ™‚


  12. If it makes you feel any better, I can completely relate to your Zoom anxiety… I’ve recently participated in a couple of Zoom Calls with Peloton “friends” and even though I “know” them and interact with them on social media, I usually just sit and listen in those meetings unless someone asks me something directly…. but you know, that is fine because there are usually plenty of other people who just like to hear themselves talk and will keep the conversation going ๐Ÿ˜‰


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