Time + expansion
I’ve been pondering the concept of time perception this week. Specifically, Parkinson’s law, “Work expands to fill available space”. As in, the more time you have to complete something, the longer you will spend on it.
I find this to be such a fascinating concept. I also really believe that it’s true, in most cases.
I think this is why retired people often still feel ‘so busy’, despite now have 40-50 extra hours back in their week…., and no matter what season of parenting we’re in, it never really slows down. I definitely think it can be true in work tasks (e.g. if I have 10 minutes between meetings to get an email out, I can probably do that; if I have a wide open hour, I might putter with the wording or formatting for much longer…) and at home (if company is arriving in 30 minutes, I can probably have the house cleaned up much more quickly than if I have a whole day in front of me….).
Now that the boys are older, they can obviously drive, they don’t need me to bathe them or cut their grapes or even oversee homework or piano practice. Yet, I still don’t exactly feel this crazy sense of time abundance. I mean, yes. I do recognize that I can now go to the gym in the morning instead of hustling off to the school drop-off line. And I have noted that I’m able to more easily make some home cooked meals now that I’m not rushing off to drive to swim practice.
But OVERALL, I still feel….busy. It’s not like I have all these big swaths of time where I’m like, “Hmm! What should I do with myself!!” Which is… weird. Haha. 🤔 How is this possible?? I still tend to feel like I could really just use a couple more hours in most days.
I guess as the theory says, the things I am doing just expand to fill the available space.
I probably spend more time on things I used to do more quickly before, and I’m sure there are other things I do do now that I didn’t before.
But on the whole, it’s funny to think about. Before, when the kids were younger, I still always exercised, we ate meals, I worked full time, I spent time with the kids and Ivan, we did yard work and cleaned our own house and decorated for holidays and bought birthday gifts. Granted, we did not have a dog before. But big picture, I definitely feel like we had even MORE to fill the space than now. Bigger volunteer role (swim). Away swim meets every weekend. Club soccer tournaments. Multiple sports and activities. DRIVING. ALL THE DRIVING.
It seems hard to believe that when you remove many of those things, today… shouldn’t there be some huge time gaps?!?! But yet… I don’t really feel that there are. lol.
I think I work more now than I did before. My job intensity has increased. Charlie has been a very real addition to the household. So there are a few obvious things that have expanded. But overall, it’s a bit of a mystery. Haha.
I mean, in fairness, if you asked me if I felt like I have more time now or before, I would definitely say now. The kids driving has been huge. But I guess what I’m saying is that I just never exactly feel time abundant, either. (Despite being, I think, “above average” in time management literacy?! It’s a topic I read/ study quite a bit….Lord help me otherwise! 😅)
I suppose this is why it’s such a great exercise to track your time. I wish I had time logs from 5-10 years ago. Having objective data makes it hard to argue with yourself. 😉
“Feeling busy” ≠ being truly busy.
I’m certain that there are places today that I’m “wasting” more time, now that I can, be it just sitting in restaurants or watching more shows or slightly longer workouts or more leisurely cooking sessions etc….. or just spending longer on things that could theoretically be done more quickly, or not at all. (I say “waste”, but I don’t think these things are actually a “waste” – I just mean that the perception of being hopelessly busy is not always 100% accurate.)
Easing into fall….
Fall finally seems to be making a slow appearance! We’ve had some cooler temps and some cozy rainy days this week.
I put up the first batch of my fall decor. (I usually wait until October for anything truly “Halloween”.)
Today there’s a Packers game at noon and I’m making chili and a pumpkin dessert. Quintessential fall day?! Yes please.
Soccer games have been slightly cooler, too:
Charlie chose a fall blankie:
Oh, by the way, today is September 20th, which means it’s my 5 Month No Soda Anniversary!! 🥳🎉 Go me!!
Part of the issue is everyone wants to improve, but nobody wants to destroy. Change often requires destruction. Or, at least, unlearning.
Let’s call it gentle elimination. You may have to leave little habits, update current beliefs, eliminate comfortable patterns. When you want better outcomes, your daily norms may need to change. The process of improvement is not just about adding things you like.
Sometimes habits and patterns belong to who you were, not who you are trying to be. If you’d like something better, then a routine you are comfortable with may have to die.”
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for the smell of that Apple Crisp candle from Bath & Body Works (see pic above). Highly recommend that one if you want your house to smell like a fall paradise!
I first tracked my time in October of 2016. And since then I have tracked my time 1-2 times per year. I keep them all in a single google sheet with a tab for each week I have tracked. 10 years ago my kids were 9,5,3, 6 months and things felt very busy (the first week I tracked everyone got lice…so much fun!).
The two things I do more of now are work and travel. I also feel like I need to hang out and be available for me now teenage kids. They won’t seek me out to talk, but if I just happen to be on the first bloor of our house they will often chat. So I do think I also spend more time just waiting around for them.
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I’ve been retired for almost 3 years now, and I have no idea how I did everything I did while my kids were growing up. I don’t know where the time is going. That’s one reason I am working on fine-tuning a productivity tracker. I should have chunks and chunks of free time, but maybe you’re right. I’m spending more time on tasks and activities that I would breeze through quickly.
On the other hand, I had my fall decorations out the first week of September. It has to be the first time ever.
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This is a thought provoking post! My kids aren’t quite as old as yours so I still have to drive them places but I still think I should not be as “busy” as when they were little and needed more direct hands-on parenting. I will also add that because we live in an urban area, they can walk to some of their activities and they take the school bus (unless they have after school activities, but at least then I just have to pick up, not drop off). So I don’t spend quite as much time driving as the average mom of teen/tweens, I think. I do agree with you that it seems crazy to look back on the litle yeras and be like “wow, how did I work full time, parent constantly, workout, cook, clean, etc??” Anyway, two things I know from time logs (and just thinking about this topic) that I have waaay more time for now than I did when the kids were younger is reading for pleasure and social time with friends. I can see that I went from reading more like 20-30 books per year when I had preschoolers (fewer than that when I had babies or baby + toddler) to reading about 100 per year now, which is a lot of hours! Re: the friend time, now that I think about it, maybe my total number of hours with friends isn’t that different, but when the kids were young I used to do a lot of going to the playground to meet up with my friends and their kids, or meeting up at the local science museum or pool or something. And now my friends and I go to happy hour without kids when we want to socialize, or book club, or go on neighborhood walks, or something else adults-only like that. I definitely was not going out on a random weeknight after work for a drink very often when the kids were younger, because it was like daycare pickup-go-home-dinner-play-bedtime-collapse a lot of the time!
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Can confirm that retired people feel busy! And that dogs take up a lot of time;-) The main difference is that now it’s a “good” busy compared to when I was working and the kiddos were younger. I have happy memories from the days when I had to commute to an office, work all day, cook dinner, and take a kid somewhere at night, but man looking back I don’t know how I did it.
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I read something recently about how modern living has added in a bunch of things that take up extra time, even if they don’t FEEL like they are taking up time. Like clearing your email inbox of promotions and spam, having to update an app before you can use it, notifications interrupting your flow, wading through AI slop when you need a quick answer/website. It’s probably just a few seconds to deal with each thing, but added up over dozens of times a day, it becomes a real waste of time! This gripe is brought to by getting text AND email notifications from my doctor’s office EVERY DAY that there is an earlier appointment available. I have tried opting out, but am still on the list.
Congrats on five months soda free!!!!
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Yes, really interesting! I have to say that while some days still seem really busy, I do notice I have more time in general now. I only have one kid at home, her extracurriculars are at the school (for the most part) and I’ve stopped cooking dinner most nights. Still… I have two days off coming up and they’re pretty packed. I guess tasks really do expand to fill the time. I think you’re right when you say we might be doing things more slowly now- I remember when the kids were little, the goal of every task was to get it done as quickly as possible.
You know I have that same blanket!!! I have it draped over my legs right now while I watch Monday Night Football. And, Apple Crisp, you say? I’m due for another trip to Bath and Bodyworks- I’ll try to find that one.
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I have no job and no young kids, and I wouldn’t say I’m busy – but I would say that my days are very pleasantly full! Rob likes to say that since he retired, a job that would take him one hour before now takes him 3-4 hours, because of puttering, taking his time, etc. It’s actually really nice. I’m sure some people would be shocked, but I think it is nice to not have to rush everywhere and cram something into every moment of every day. I like my days!
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I don’t have kids, but yeah, I also don’t feel time abundant – never have. Time perception and how we fill it really is an interesting concept and so fluid as it seems! Sometimes I can achieve a time perception slow down, but it’s rare… and usually doesn’t last very long. I could always use a few extra hours in every day.
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