Jenny’s post today was a little summary of 2 of my recent posts that she enjoyed, so I’m going to pay it forward to another blogger and share about 2 blog posts that I have enjoyed this week!
Both are from Laura Vanderkam (actually one was from her Substack).
#1. Get the pebble out of your shoe
Her post today talks about how those little nagging tasks that we keep putting off can really end up making us feel “drained and generally annoyed with life”.
This resonated so much with me because I feel like we have a huge list of “nagging tasks” that are not THAT important/urgent, but yet DO need to get done at some point and they are slowly driving me insane…
They’re not even that hard or time consuming, but when you pile on all the other regular life tasks that might be more urgent, the little ones kind of settle at the bottom of the list, over and over again.
There’s only so much time in the day.
Some of them also tend to linger just because they feel “hassle-y”. (Not a real word 😆, but I mean something that seems like a headache to deal with, so the natural inclination is to push it off. Maybe it requires a phone call, some research, or someone else to be involved, etc. You know the type.)
Some pesky things on my list:
- I’ve had 2 boxes of old kid books sitting in the garage, in plain sight, for like, a month. Some I think might be save-worthy, so I need to sort them and store in the attic (but I’d need to pick up a new weatherproof container for this first!) OR just take them to donate. I basically just don’t want to deal with this so I keep walking past them.
- We need to order new headrest pillows for the hot tub. I threw ours away a year ago now because they were peeling. Technically, they aren’t “necessary” to use the hot tub, but it looks weird without them and is not as comfortable. But again, totally not urgent, so I haven’t searched for the right ones that fit the holes and order them….
- We still haven’t ordered hardware for our bathroom renovation! Which is otherwise totally done. Technically, the cabinets and drawers CAN be opened without them. So, again… it falls down the list when push comes to shove. We really do need them, but this involves SHOPPING and COMPARING OPTIONS and DECISION MAKING and then INSTALLATION…. bleh.
- We also need new bar stools for our kitchen breakfast bar. We searched for some over the summer and got close, but then ultimately couldn’t decide and then we bought the new sunroom table and then buying barstools fell down the list again….
- There’s a new app/ site for a financial account I need to get set up but… hassle-y.
- I’m switching Primary Care Providers and need to enroll in My Chart for the new place. (But heyyyyy, I researched and found a new PCP and called to make an appt, so, gold stars there at least.)
- Our concrete garage floor coating we had done years back now has cracked in a few spots. They offer a lifetime warranty, but I need to take pictures and submit them and schedule someone to come over. Yeahhhh…. that keeps rolling along on the list.
- We need new lightbulbs for our kitchen candelabra fixture because a couple of them have been replaced with a different type of bulb so it looks funny when they’re all turned on (different shades!). They’re a specific lightbulb so prob just need to order a box.
- I have a button missing from a coat sleeve.
- The old hamster cages are still sitting in the basement (apparently there is not a big resale value in these!! Have had listed online and no luck). I don’t know if the donation places take pet cages? Need to find that out before dragging big heavy glass tanks over there…
I’ll stop. But there are a ton of this sort of thing floating around in my head.
On the one hand, I know everything eventually gets done, so I also don’t want to create additional pressure on ourselves to fret about this. These things are not life or death!!! I’ve been busy traveling, working, buying a dress!, volunteering!, going to banquets, hosting in-laws, refilling prescriptions, making dog vet and grooming appts, cleaning out the mail bin, going to teacher conferences, etc etc etc and the list goes on. TRUST ME, I’m a) not lazy and b) I’m doing A LOT OF SMALL PESKY THINGS already. Again, only so many hours in a day!
But I do really like the idea of scheduling some of these or making a more definitive plan to check them off, because Laura’s right- having all these things looming is also stressful and quite annoying. Time to get the pebbles out of my shoe!
#2: Pretend you didn’t hear it
In her Substack today, Laura also shared the idea that it’s okay to sometimes “pretend you didn’t hear it”. (She quotes Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s mother-in-law who said “in every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” Haha.)
She elaborates that in general, not everything someone says to us needs to be addressed! Not every comment requires a response.
I heard a similar version of this elsewhere recently, too, and it really stuck with me.
For example, if someone starts complaining about something, you don’t have to open your mouth to either commiserate or defend the situation. You can just kind of nod and… not respond. And let the negative energy sort of die off.
Laura gives the example that if you tell your teen you can’t drive them somewhere, and they mutter, “you never take me anywhere!”, you don’t need to engage and start arguing back and pull out your calendar to list off all the times you have, INDEED, driven them many places!!! You know it, and honestly, they ultimately know it too… they’re just crabby about the outcome, and it’s okay to just not respond.
I know it’s so tempting, at least for me, to want to always “set the record straight” any time someone says something even slightly judgmental, or unfair or even untrue, but sometimes the best option is to just not fuel the fire.
I think this is a skill worth developing! I’m totally guilty of taking the bait and trying to get the last word. But just like “no” is a complete sentence, everything doesn’t always warrant an explanation.
(“The Let Them Theory”, which I’m still reading, is along the same lines. We can let someone say something negative about us, or think something negative about us, without having to try to change their opinion. We get to decide how we respond and what energy we’ll put back into the world.)
Tell me some of your nagging tasks so I don’t feel alone. 😄
Are you good at not responding, or do you like to ‘win the conversation’? lol.
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful that our trees are finally changing colors!! I swear we have the SLOWEST trees in the neighborhood….
Oh, and I’ll go ahead and stick in some Friday Funnies for you. Haven’t shared memes in a bit!! 😉
GRATEFUL KAE 
oh my god. The “being a little deaf” will be handy with my 7 year old. “You always say no, mommy!” Not true. Like, at all. But that’s what she thinks. So next time I’ll just ignore her instead of trying to convince her otherwise.
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I was complaining about who clean the dishes for a while and finally made the decision to hire a full time help. It’s so worth it!
I also try to do those small things as soon as I remember so they don’t feel overwhelmed when all written down as part of a list. With bills, I pay as soon as get it then forget it.
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Freecycle the cages. I get rid of so much weird stuff this way – someone always wants it. And put the bag of books on the kitchen tall and tell your boys to pick 5 each. I feel like they might enjoy the nostalgia.
Dishwasher safe, we joke it’s survival of the fittest at our house.
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I could use the reminder to not respond to every comment–it generally works better than arguing or “winning” the conversation.
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Hee hee! Those memes are hilarious.
After 25 years of marriage, and years of living with teenagers, I think I’ve perfected the art of “not hearing,” heh heh.
I love the concept of getting rid of the pebbles in our shoes. Yes, there are so many things that just aren’t urgent, so we keep not doing them- but then they’re nagging at us all the time, in the back of our minds. I can just look around my house and see all the little things I’m putting off. I think it’s Gretchen Rubin who suggests having a “power hour,” where you knock out a bunch of nagging tasks like this. I need to make a list of ‘power hour” tasks and then do it.
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I also need to find a new PCP as my downtown clinic close to work closed and my provider is moving to a location in a far away suburb. I need to ask my book club gals who they like tonight and establish care. It’s not urgent since I get seen so many other times for my other ailments but I need to get that done.
I am not great at not responding to comments I am better off ignoring. If I should say it does not come naturally! I am getting better after 8 years of marriage, though. 😂
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There are always a million things to do, and only the immediate needs get managed in our house. The paper clutter on my kitchen counter is exhibit A. I don’t need to go thru it, because I know where everything is – but it is driving me nuts/it looks awful. I started organizing it today. We have a long list of chores that require an electrician. It’s been years. Literal years. (my bestie’s husband is an electrician and she thought he would do it – I am a paying customer, but he’s been too busy. I need to hire someone).
I don’t think I ignore many grumblings, but I don’t think my people grumble around me much. they know better. 😉
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I bought our hardware for our bathroom vanity from Knobs4less dot com. I was very pleased with the quality and the price.
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Well, the paradox that I found here, Kae, is that the time it takes me to write down a lingering task that I have will be sufficient time for me to just finish doing that task. In this case, I’ll just use an example of a lingering task that I don’t yet know how to deal with – since Ms. Laura Vanderkam brought up that category of lingering tasks as well: I use 3D Printers to make the 3D models that I designed in software into real things. I can also upload those software-form 3D models onto websites to share those 3D models with other people. I’m planning to do that on 2 sites. On one site, I know how to do the uploading. On the other site, I don’t know how to do the uploading. That other site is what I’ll need to figure out right now.
I actually cannot think off the top of my head whether I am good at not responding or I seek to ‘win the conversation’. I find that I’ll need to write down – after a conversation – the number of times that I think I’ve been good at not responding and the number of times that I think I’ve sought to ‘win the conversation’.
I also think that you actually share memes quite frequently, Kae.
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You are not alone. I have a huge list of little pesky things that need to be done, and I just haven’t gotten around to it. I also need to put handles on cabinets and drawers, but in my kitchen. When I bought the house, they didn’t have any on them, and they are NOT the nice no hardware needed cabinets either. Some drawers and cabinets are a downright pain to open. I simply want to paint the cabinets before I put them on, but I haven’t done that yet, so there we are. Still trying to open cabinets with no handles for 8 years now.
I love both pieces of advice. I know that I’ve told my children that they need to pick their battles. They don’t need to argue every single little thing because eventually, people will stop listening to you. So, pick the battles you think are most important.
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Sometimes I feel like my whole life is pebbles in my shoes…
A couple that are bothering me right now:
There are more, but I keep stopping to look through my phone for those last two. XD
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In hindsight, not responding is probably the right thing to do in most negative situations. Easy to say, harder to put into practice.
They say that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time and I guess it’s the same when you have a shoe full of pebbles – don’t count the pebbles just keep removing them.
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These are both good advice. I always feel good when I can just hit a bunch of small nagging tasks in an hour or so. So often I’ve spent more mental energy thinking about the undone task than it would take to do it.
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Oooh, those are some really great lessons, Kae! They really resonate!
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I too have a number of those nagging jobs. Laura is right about them. Does that mean I am going to get to them soon? I’m not sure about that.
We went through a phase with my younger daughter where she was just awful and I learnt to ignore her rudeness. It was definitely the right course and we came out of the other end with a great relationship.
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I love the “pebble in your shoe” metaphor…. usually when I have a list of little naggy things, I try to check off the lowest hanging fruit because it will make me feel like the to-do list is getting shorter 🙂
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