I have a couple of good nuggets from two podcast episodes I listened to recently!
Up first is a fan favorite, The Lazy Genius. In the recent Office Hours episode (ep. 377), she answers a question about how to “lazy genius” exercise (how to actually get it done or be consistent). The listener says, “I say it’s important to me, but I just don’t seem like I make it a priority.”
You can listen to the episode for the full answer, but at one point she says this:
“You need to match your expectations to the energy you’re willing to give.“
(Or, in some cases, the energy you have to give- it’s also important to be realistic about that.)
I loved this! It’s really a very good point. I am personally guilty of sometimes sort of “mismatching” what I perceive my results should be with what my actual efforts/energy are.
Listening to this during the Olympics was particularly noteworthy as well. For example- there are legit times that I will look in the mirror and be like, Ugh, what the heck? Why don’t I have abs? I mean, I work out… right? Where the abs at?! (Did anyone else notice the abs on those female sprinters? Daaaang.)
But in reality, if I’m honest, I do not give that level of “energy” to that. I don’t work my abs every day. I don’t necessarily directly train my abs weekly! I don’t do intense, ab shredding cardio intervals. I don’t eat a particularly clean diet. My snacks are not just protein shakes, fruits and vegetables- I happen to enjoy Cheez-Its, too. I sometimes just skip workouts because I basically am not in the mood to work out, or my only window to do it is early in the morning and….nah.
I don’t actually train in a way that is really going to give me 6 pack abs at the moment. Therefore, it is unrealistic for me to expect 6 pack abs. And that is cool.
I think in general this can be applied in many areas of life (finances, relationships, etc. e.g. “I say I want to save more money, but in actuality, I like to buy expensive coffee everyday, and I am not willing to stop.” –> (hypothetical, you all know I don’t like coffee.)
Sooooo many people say they want to lose weight/be more fit/ be healthier/ etc. Or they’ll “say” they want a decluttered house, but don’t actually take much action on it. (SHU, know anyone? 😜) But I think it’s worth asking ourselves if we’re really putting in the level of energy that we’d need to to get the result we say we want. (Understanding that some of that energy may be truly out of our control, especially if we’re in a difficult phase of parenting or life or have a chronic illness, etc.)
Maybe 2x/ week is all the energy you currently want to or can give to exercise, not 6x/ week. Maybe the reality is that we don’t actually care that much about decluttering, and our house is just not going to get decluttered until our kids move out someday. Lol.
I think that thinking about this and potentially accepting this might be really helpful (and freeing) for some people! There’s something nice about just being able to admit, you know what? It’s true- I’m not working that hard in this particular area. If I want to pivot and really throw a lot of energy at X, then maybe I can expect Y. But for now, I’m getting a result congruent with the effort I’m putting in. And that’s okay.
Okay, on to #2! This is a new podcast, and one I’d highly recommend you check out. It’s called The Minimal(ish) Mom podcast (hosted by BOBW patreon member and lawyer Kathleen, if anyone reading is in there, too), and it’s all about, and I quote, “building a rich and satisfying life with more joy, and less hedonic treadmill.”
In episode 10, she talks about “Creating our Life Templates” (such a fun topic!).
One question she asks during the episode is:
“If I had to complete this sentence, how would I complete it? “My days are better when….””
OOH!! What a GREAT question and food for thought.
I brainstormed it myself and came up with this:
🔷 I don’t feel rushed. As in, my days’ activities do not feel crammed in. There are times when I’ll plan my day to be basically too full with not enough wiggle room- I’m trying to plan in more than I can realistically fit in, or am being unrealistic with how long things take. e.g. I’ll say, “Ok, I’m going to walk the dog from 7:45-8:15 and then shower from 8:15-9 before my 9 a.m. meeting.” Except I really needed an extra 5 minutes to get the dog ready and my shoes on, so I didn’t leave until 7:50, and then in reality I forgot I had to still feed the dog too after, so instead of getting in the shower at 8:15, now it’s 8:27, and then I blink and crap, it’s 8:57 and I’m racing down the basement stairs with my hair still half wet and no socks on trying to get logged on before my meeting because in reality I needed another 10 minutes…. argh.
🔷 I have a little downtime before bed. I REALLY love being able to retreat to my room for a little quiet time before lights out. Ideally, I love to watch a great show with Ivan. Or read for a little bit. I just feel like my day ends better when I have a little breather to wind myself down before bed. I sort of dislike a rushed night where I’m either out somewhere or have to be “on” (talking, visiting, etc.) right up until the last second before I basically want to go to sleep.
🔷 I have time to do some deeper work. I don’t love days when I have a million meetings or generally lack a lot of control over my day. This just feels… chaotic. Obviously sometimes unavoidable, but my day is better when this isn’t the case (at least not all day!).
🔷 I get to spend a little time outside. Ideally with a podcast! Podcasts have become a big staple in my life, and even if it’s just 10 minutes, I love that little fresh air + podcast break.
🔷 I exercise. I do not always prioritize this as much as I say I want to (see above), but it’s true- my days are better when I exercise!
🔷I get at least a sliver of quality, connection time with the boys. It does not actually have to be a lot to go far. Example- I recently had a day where I don’t think I really spent much time at all with the boys. I can’t remember exactly, but they both worked I think or were away from home or were just doing their own things and I was busy, too. But I know we took a short walk to the gas station to buy a drink that afternoon. That was IT for “quality time” in that whole day. But it was enough! We talked, caught up, and I felt good about the day.
🔷 I have some margin- and I’m only really busy in either Part A OR Part B of the day. Similar to #1, but I really don’t like days where it’s just go go go go the entire day. Again, sometimes this is unavoidable. I feel like this was worse when the boys were little- that was more the default stage at that age. But now that they’re older and I work from home, if I could choose, I’d really rather have either a busy work day OR a busy evening- but not both! (Still cannot always control this, but this is just a hypothetical exercise here.) In my perfect world, if I have a busy night with a band concert and soccer drop off and a parent meeting, then I’d really love it if my work day was a little more just…. chill. (A head-down, do your work, not an over-stimulating kind of day.)
🔷 I have some time to do a couple of personal, re-centering activities, ideally early in the day. This is another one where I don’t need a lot of time- but my days are better when I can carve out at least a little time to get my day organized on my terms. Ideally, my tea + my computer in solitude (for an email check, a calendar check/ plan my day, a time log update, maybe a couple blog check ins…). Everything just feels more organized if I can have a few minutes to get organized. Oh, and bonus if I can read for 5-10 minutes to calmly start my day, too!
🔷 I eat nachos. Hehe. Had to throw this one in there for good measure. I was tempted to say, “I drink an ice cold McDonald’s soda.” But I don’t drink soda anymore!!!!! 😉😉😉
Any thoughts on #1 or #2? Is there any area where you unfairly expect certain results even though you might not really be putting in that same level of effort? How would you answer the prompt “My days are better when….”?
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for being able to walk past 2 different bodies of water on my morning walks. This one is a particularly small neighborhood pond (not the bigger pond in the park), but I do love seeing birds, geese, ducks, etc on a daily basis.
GRATEFUL KAE 
The Olympian bodies are a thing of wonder! So much work goes into that! But you are right – we have to be realistic about how our energy/effort aligns with our goals. The exercise thing is rather frustrating for me, though. It is much harder to maintain a certain weight. I am less active than I was pre-kids but not THAT much less active so it is a point of frustration for me. But I am trying to let that go because I don’t have the bandwidth to like double my workout effort and I feel like my eating is pretty good. I know being on prednisone for 4+ months is certainly not helping matters plus hormonal changes now that I’m 43. Womp womp.
My day is better when I read, exercise, spend time outdoors, have a good conversation with an adult (Phil, a coworker, a friend), I can wake up without an alarm and honestly, if I don’t have to do the toddler’s bedtime (it is not fun these days…). 75% of those things happen every day so that is good!
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@Lisa I can definitively say the steroids really impact weight. The best you can do is maintain healthy habits and be on the lowest dose of steroids that controls your symptoms. It is tough though!
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YES, pretty much all my patients over the years are always on long term steroid use too and it does NOT look fun to deal with at all. Ugh. Lisa I’m so sorry you’re still having to be on the prednisone and dealing with the never ending RA flares… Also, my point in the post was more about people like myself who will sometimes have an unrealistic “expectation” that something is going to just magically happen, or that for some I reason I “deserve” to have something, even though I’m not actually putting in that level of work. In your case, you are doing all the right things and eating well. exercising, etc. – it’s not a situation of poor effort!
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Thanks Kae (and Gillian). I know that until I get off prednisone (or get to a much lower dose) that my weight is not 100% in my control unless I eat a perfect diet and workout extra and that is just not realistic. Now that my flare is better, I’m slowly tapering off pred but since I’ve been on it for 4+ months, the taper process is SO SLOW – like 2.5mg every 10 days! I was on 15 so it’s going to take quite some time to get off of it. But gosh it is defeating to look in the mirror and not like what I see even though I feel like I’m doing all the right things! But if I wasn’t on pred, I would be in terrible pain which isn’t good either so I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. But I am hoping the infusion protocol is more effective going forward and hopefully I will rarely be on prednisone!
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lol, in my defense I’ve made a ton of progress recently on other big daunting and lingering projects and I still believe I’ll get there with the house. Just you’re right maybe not exactly NOW. ha!!
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Well no one would EVER say you aren’t super productive!! You most definitely are!
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but also mean I don’t mind having projects fester for a while – I find in most cases i get to whatever it is when the time is right !
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Ooh! I’ll listen to that Minimalist podcast, it sounds good. I would say my day is better when I run (obviously), have time for a quiet breakfast and tea while I read blogs before work, when dinner is low-key and easy, and I don’t have evening activities. I mean evening activities are unavoidable a lot of times, but after dinner I would prefer to be reading on the couch in my pajamas!
About your first point- I recently read somewhere that it’s better for your mental health if you can match what you say and what you do. Like, it creates a lot of inner turmoil if you’re constantly saying “I really need to go to the gym more” but then you’re not doing it. Better to just accept that for whatever reason, it’s not a priority right now. Kind of along the same lines as what you were saying. I like the Lazy Genius!
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Your breakfast + tea time always sounds so nice to me! I love sitting with laptop out somewhere like that, but especially now with Charlie impacting my mornings, I don’t always have good windows of time for that. That was one thing I did like about Asher’s early swim practices this summer- I’d often go sit and wait for him (from like 6-7:30 am) and have tea and blog/read blogs/ etc. some days. And I agree on that sense of inner turmoil. When it continues on and on for a long time, I feel like it creates a disconnect of sorts- like after a while, NOTHING I say I’m going to do really matters because I’ve sort of become accustomed to just blowing it off. Which I really don’t like, so I try to avoid letting that become habit. Can be hard though on certain things!
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Re number one, I think it is important to manage expectations of yourself or you will wind up being disappointed a lot. However, I also need a balance where I DO set goals that maybe seem a little out of reach, or else I will wind up being understimulated and less motivated. So there is a happy middle in there somewhere and I think it is different depending on the activity. I will sometimes organize my drawers or clean my toilet to avoid working out, so each task has its own issues and each day has its own problems.
Re number two I am happy when I have a day with a good workout, time with friends/family and downtime. And if there’s extra time, a nice meal and good weather!
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Yes, I get that about needing the goal to be a little out of reach! I think that’s totally fair. I think the issue is this little feeling I sometimes get of like, well why can’t “I” have that? And then it’s like, well, you probably could, but it’s not magic! You have to do certain things if you want other certain things….
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I like both #1 and 2. It’s similar to something I heard years ago, instead of saying “I don’t have time for x” say “x isn’t a priority for me” and then see how I feel about the rephrasing. If I said “coffee with my friend isn’t a priority for me” and that felt wrong (depending on the friend) then I would make time for it. If it felt fine, I left it. So this could go into many parts of your life – make time for things that are a priority.
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I love this reframing from ” I don’t have time for” to “x is not a priority” Nicole! I do spend a lot of energy getting frustrated that I don’t have time to do everything I want in a day, but then when I catalog when I do and what my priorities are, they line up pretty well. And that’s just life: limited time and you gotta focus on your priorities. To me, it’s exercise, time with my kids, preparing healthy food, sleep, my job. There’s really not time for much else, and if I do fit in some reading or a social thing, it’s a huge bonus, but I can’t beat myself up if it doesn’t happen every single day.
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Love your list there, Kat! 🙂 I am terribly guilty also of wanting to do ALL the things and it’s just not possible, or at least not everyday.
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Oh yes, I love that rephrase! My dad always quotes my now-gone great aunt who always used to say, “We always have time for the things we want to do….”. Figuring out which things are the priorities is so important!
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Mine are – time outdoors, a proper conversation with my husband, read alouds with my son, and at least 5 miles of something… (which also helps with time outdoors).
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Coree you’re my idol for “outdoor time”. You and your cycling, always getting out there… I love it.
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Great thoughts and shares! For the second: time outside and bonus with kids or a friend + being active, time to eat lunch and read blogs during workday, working out, and reading before bed (bonus with kids).
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Ooh love the lunch break one. It is so nice to have a true, dedicated break. Sometimes I end up just either puttering around or just eating at my desk or squeezing in a shower or something, and those days it’s not nearly as restorative as a little break to really recharge.
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I started reframing things as priorities to deal with #1. It’s a priority for me to exercise X number of times a week, it’s a priority for me to be outside daily, it’s a priority to cook dinner. It’s not a priority for me to watch television, scroll on Reddit, or write the Great American Novel. And that reframing has changed how I think about things and whether or not to say yes or no to requests.
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I love that. I generally have so many different things I want to/ need to do that I think really dialing in on priorities is such a good idea. Like, ok, ideally I want to do ALL these things, but that’s not going to fit, so which of these are the most important ones? And then focus on those.
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Very interesting ideas. I fully agree about #1, matching expectation with what we can/willing to give in for the result.
On #2 I agree with many of your ideas: be outdoor, not rushed, exercise (a must!), time with the family, an hour or so of reading before bed, make some good food for family meal, organize for a bit, digital or physical, and definitely a good night of sleep.
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Your #2 list is just what I’d expect for you, Coco. 🙂 Sounds great!
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Oh, I loved both those thought exercises… thank you for the “prompt”, Kae. Those are great things to keep in perspective. I think we’re all guilty of “expecting” certain things in our lives without putting in the work to achieve them… often it’s that we have too many competing goals (at least that is the case for me) and it’s imperative to really prioritize and acknowledge that you can’t “do it all”… it’s good to remember that. (Like, I am focusing on running right now and struggle with putting other things that are also important to me on the backburner.)
Re: My day is better when I exercise (#1), connect with family/friends (, go outside, read a book, cook food from scratch (mostly), and NOT FEEL RUSHED. This one is HUGE… it raises my stress levels and makes me feel unfocused. I know it’s not always avoidable, but I try to plan my day so that I don’t have to rush through anything if at all possible.
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Thank you for this great reminder…
My days are better when:
I pay myself forward and prep in advance
I have me time in the morning
I meditate
I do yoga
I am not rushed but not bored either
when I have help
when my house is neat and clean
when I spend time in nature
when I don’t check email from home
when I don’t do people please.
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Oooh, I love these prompts! Saving to ponder when I have more time. They both speak to me but probably #1 a bit more.
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