First of all, we officially have a SENIOR in high school now. Ethan just finished his junior year on Wednesday and I can’t believe it.
I didn’t manage to snag a pic of him on Wednesday to commemorate his “last day” (which was actually just a make-up AP test from the week before, because he had to miss it due to tennis!). This pic from tennis last weekend will have to serve as his final junior year pic.
He had such a great year. I feel like he really hit his stride in both soccer and tennis this year, playing Varsity for both, and he has become extremely close with a few of his tennis friends. Those guys are all just such nice kids and it makes me so happy. He did very well academically, also.
He’s become extremely independent. Fully manages his own schedules, work, driving all over creation for tennis, school stuff, even things like taking his car for an oil change, etc.
I feel like Ethan is living the dream right now and he’s loving this stage. This also makes me so happy! 🙂 And, sad, because the clock is ticking LOUDLY now – his time at home here with us is dwindling so fast.
In other news, my parents put an offer in on the condo here in town yesterday!
This was a BIG AND SUDDEN development, honestly. I mean, we’ve talked for years now about them possibly moving this way, but it always felt abstract. And truthfully, none of us were sure they’d ever actually make the leap (until it became a true necessity).
There are so many pros and cons, but I think the pros do win out.
Cons
The biggest con is just that they really love their current condo. They highly customized it over the years and is all “just so”. They absolutely love the set up there and everything about it.
They’ve lived in the Milwaukee area for over 50 years now. Everything is familiar, easy, they like the vibe of their city, they have some lovely social connections (though realistically some of these will dwindle in the near future…), and my dad is involved with a big volunteer job that keeps him busy and gives him purpose.
I think it feels hard to leave something they love when there really isn’t a current need to do so.
Pros
The biggest pro that I see is that moving to Sun Prairie will be a proactive move. It is true they are still in good health and perfectly capable to live where they do, for now.
However, they are 75. Things can, and do, often change fast at this stage of life, unfortunately. Our biggest driver with this is to avoid a difficult situation where the unthinkable happens, and now suddenly everyone is scrambling.
If something happened to my dad, especially, my mom would be unable/highly uncomfortable to continue living alone in their condo, over an hour away from any support. We have zero other family in their area.
An abrupt need to move, possibly while dealing with either a serious health issue or potentially a grief situation, would be really, really hard on all of us.
This would also mean they could be moving without a lot of control- likely just having to take whatever housing was available at the moment, even if not ideal or preferred.
On the contrary, this new condo ticks all their boxes. Moving now allows them to move on their terms, calmly, organized, to a place of their choosing. It has 3 bedrooms (space for a guest room + office/ hobby space on main level), a big basement for storage and their indoor hot tub (important to them), it’s on a pond (great view and no neighbor right behind them, which they love!) and it’s in a brand new neighborhood- so it feels like a “shiny new upgrade”, I think, versus a sad downsize. (Brand new also = hopefully no big expensive home repairs in the near future to deal with.) The location is perfect, with all major grocery stores, big box stores, restaurants, the YMCA and much more within a 3-4 minute drive, and <10 minutes to my house.
By moving now, they’re getting ahead of the game. They ARE still thankfully in excellent shape right now. Moving won’t be a big problem now. (Well, moving always sucks, but they can still easily sort belongings and unpack and organize things now.)
My dad can still do some projects to make it their own, and my mom, who is highly visual and cares a lot about things like decor, etc., can spend her days out and about running around finding new rugs and wall hangings and the like. My mom LOVES running errands, and shopping, and decorating….lol.
If something does happen to either of them, I will be 10 minutes away. We can help support things like doctor visits, emergencies, or house needs, should they arise, as they get into their 80s and hopefully beyond!
It’s much more likely that my mom could stay alone in this new condo longer term (with our nearby support) versus needing to move into a senior apartment right away, should something happen to my dad. And if the tables were turned, we’d be nearby for my dad, too.
Then there’s the obvious- being closer means we can see each other more often. We already do see them often, but it’s a bigger production with them living 1 hour 15 min away. (This is certainly not “far”, but it’s far enough that most visits turn into an overnight stay. It means they’re always packing an overnight bag, driving on the interstate, and both of our weekends are all tied up with the visit. IF at any point the drive became an issue, which realistically, someday it could, the hour drive could suddenly be very problematic, or Ivan and I could be spending all of our empty nest weekends traveling to them! )
Being local, we could grab a quick dinner together on a weeknight or have more frequent shorter visits, which I think will probably be a really nice thing and less disruptive to everyone. As much as it makes me want to throw up thinking about it, time left with them is getting limited. I want to take advantage of it.
They will have a front row seat to the boys’ final high school years- senior soccer and tennis season for Ethan next year, and Asher’s sports. This will be great! I also know the boys will totally do things like just drive over to pop in on them and say hi from time to time. There’s a neighborhood pickleball court just 5 doors down! I can see Asher dragging my dad to the golf driving range, or Ethan picking up my mom to get ice cream with him.
Heck, I’d love to text my mom to meet up at TJMaxx for some browsing or Home Depot to help me pick my summer flowers.
Finally, I think they actually might really enjoy exploring a new place. The Madison area is a very cool place to live. We have a gazillion restaurants and breweries etc in a 20 mile radius from the new condo. We have farmer’s markets, beer gardens, botanical gardens, lakes, nature trails, bike paths, cultural events, Broadway shows, State St, the Capitol, everything you can think of.
Milwaukee of course has many of these things, too, but they’ve been there forever. They tend to just go to the same places all the time, as people often do- maybe a bit of a rut?
There’s something different and exciting and satisfying about exploring a new place. They’re such great partners and still love doing things together (even after 60 years– they started dating at age 15!). I think if they lean into this, they could really get a lot of enjoyment out of the novelty for the next few years!
In summary:
Overall, I know it’s a hard decision for them. It would be easier to decide if their backs were against the wall. Thankfully, they’re not, and they are in a place where this is optional.
And I know they do love their current life. They don’t HAVE to change, yet.
But it feels like the sort of thing that we will all probably look back on in 5 years and say, Yep, THAT WAS A GOOD CALL!
I also feel grateful to them. This feels like a gift to me. My only sibling lives in Ireland, and to my knowledge, she is not planning on moving back to assist in my parents’ elderly years. So it’s going to be… me. Having my parents close by will make things immensely easier on me, when that time comes.
Of course, it feels scary! Some people move all over, all the time, and this would be “no biggie”; this is not me, and it’s not my parents, either. None of us are super great with change!
I do also feel a little sad about the loss of the connection to where I grew up (although they haven’t lived in my childhood home in 20 years, it’s very nearby, so every time I visit, I get that sense of being “home”.) I also feel bad about them feeling sad leaving a place they like. I know this is all highly overwhelming to them. There are some unknowns, too – What if they hate it?! What if it feels TOO close?! (I don’t really think either of these will happen.)
But big picture, looking at what actually matters most, I do think it’s the right decision. (AND, IT’S EXCITING!!!!! 🥳🥳)
A fave recent pic with them!
GRATEFUL KAE 
Well done, congratulations!
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Thank you!
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I am SO excited for all of you. Totally understand there are pros and cons and mixed emotions, but they are completely in control of the decision which is worth so, so much. The peace of mind for all of you down the road will be priceless. I think you will love having them closer, and I’m sure they’ll integrate into your area quickly.
How fun to pop out to meet your mom for tea!
Also, isn’t life crazy? As kids spread their wings and leave the proverbial nest, parents come back closer to it.
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Thanks Elisabeth! I know how much you like it during the part of the year that your parents are in town by you guys also. And yes- the peace of mind will be huge! Sort of feels like a massive inevitable “to do item” can be checked off the list. Obviously, we can’t see the future, so who knows- but for now it feels like a smart choice.
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This is great news, Kae! I am so happy for you. I live a ten-hour drive from my parents, and often that drive is not possible because of the mountain passes. My younger brother is in Vancouver, which is fourteen hours away. My older brother is two hours away, but he has a large family and well, you know. My parents are in a very large house, too large in my opinion, with a large yard. So. You can see my concern. They would never ever move here (and honestly I would not want them to) but they are in their 70s and in not-perfect health, so I don’t really know what will happen. It does cause me concern, let’s just put it that way. I’m happy your parents could move on their own terms, and brief frequent visits will be absolutely lovely!
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Ahh, that does sound worrisome with the closest sibling 2 hours away! And the rest of you are FAR! I am sure eventually something will work out. There are a lot of senior apartment type options, too, so maybe if the time comes, something like that could be an option. It’s a hard thing to think about and something that years ago never really even crossed my mind!
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very glad to hear this outcome! what a relief for you.
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Thanks Coco! Yes, I think it will be a good thing all around!
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CONGRATS ETHAN!!!! Rising Senior in the house! (yes I borrowed that from Jenny).
I don’t think that your dad is going to have any problems in replacing his volunteer opportunity in Madison;-) There is so much to do there. Congrats to your rents for making the big decision now, and here is to all of the great memories that they will be making with you now that they’re closer.
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Thanks Birchie! Yes, Rising Senior indeed! Crazy…..
It is such a big decision and in some ways it blows my mind because 2 weeks ago none of this was really on our radar at all. I mean, like I said, we’ve talked about it over the years, but my mom especially was always so resistant to even really considering committing. Mostly she is the type who wants to have her cake and eat it too 😉 She wants to stay in their current condo/ city BUT ALSO not have to drive to Madison and wants to be close to us and to have the peace of mind if something happens in the future. Unfortunately, that’s not really how life goes! We can never have it all…
But I think this place feels like such a great fit for them and really ticks most of their “must have” boxes, so it feels like the right time to pounce on it.
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It sounds like they made a great decision. I hope they can build a community in their new neighborhood. My parents retired to their lake home around 8 years ago and their social life is the richest it’s ever been. They have made all of their friends through church. My mom quilts with a group of women and my dad has breakfast one morning a week with other retired guys who owned businesses (he owned a business that my BIL took over). It has been great to see them make friends. They are so busy, almost too busy in a way. Ha. But that’s the way my mom likes it. I don’t know what will happen when their health declines. I think my mom could live to 100 if she doesn’t get cancer. She is in such great health. She still mows their lawn with a push mower. As Phil says ‘she has quite a motor’. She’s like the energized bunny really. They live an hour from my sister so she is closest geographically. I think they would consider living in an assisted living center in the area where their lake home is if need be. They would hate Minneapolis so there is no way they will ever live close to me (and we would never live in the area where they live…). I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it. Phil’s mom is 83 so that is something we will have to figure out sooner than later. She’s not as mobile as my mom and definitely ‘feels’ 83. But it’s Phil’s thing to manage. He wants her to stay in her home as long as possible (even though it is way too big for her…).
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haha, Phil’s description of your mom is cute. That’s great that they’re really thriving where they are! At least you do have multiple siblings to help figure all of it out. It is definitely a challenge in our case with a small family and also we don’t even have like, really close relationships with cousins/ nieces/nephews really (I’m thinking like in Ivan’s family, there are so many adult nieces/nephews that can also step in to help with things in addition to the kids).
I know the situation with Phil’s mom is a real challenge… ugh. I don’t know what you do there. It is extra challenging when seniors become SO tied to “staying in their home” even when it’s really not safe or a smart choice. We went through that with my grandma years ago and it was really hard.
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Good for your parents!!! I totally get why the move is hard for them, but as you said, easier now than if something were to happen and they were forced to move. But I think the biggest plus is all the time you’ll get to spend with them, and the time they’ll spend with the boys. I know it’s so, so hard to think about, but your time with your parents is finite. You won’t regret a single second of the time you get to be with them.
Ethan and Angie are rising seniors!!! I agree that Angie also really hit her stride this year. Not that she’s driving herself to work (ahem, no longer works at Panera and doesn’t drive yet- two things we will be addressing this summer!) but she really got more confident socially. I feel the same way you do- excited for senior year and also sad that it has to come to an end.
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Thanks Jenny! Yes, it’s really exciting now that it’s closer to becoming a reality.
And I also got the impression from your blog that Angie had a really great year too! Maybe this summer will be the time to get the driving figured out. 😉 The job thing is hard- Asher has been looking for another job too because the outdoor pool he lifeguards at is under renovations and won’t be opening until July this year and he just wants more hours anyway… it’s been tough! So many places just don’t call back, etc… Fortunately Ethan’s Panera seems to have good management and it’s been going really well for him there. (but of course he doesn’t want Asher to work with him, haha)
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congratulations to Ethan ! ( How did the school let him miss an AP for sports?!? That’s so weird to me.)
The move sounds like a great plan. This gives them time to settle in, make new friend, find new doctors, etc without a rush. My parents moved to a senior community in their late 60’s. They were able to make new friends and find new things to do while still relatively healthy and active. ( and extra bedrooms for my sister to live with them- even I stayed for a while after grad school!). This allowed them to age in place, and once my mom died, my dad had my sister and friends close by. And once dad started having memory issues, staying in the same house helped a lot ( lots of familiarity around him cued his memory back on track). He stayed home until he passed, with my siblings assistance- made a potentially stressful time very calming.
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I know, the AP thing is weird to me too!!! I think it was maybe because the tennis was an overnight/ away tournament so it wasn’t like just a small regular match…. Apparently they have a makeup date available in case someone is sick or has another serious conflict?? idk!!
And your story about your parents sounds basically like what I’m envisioning for mine, too. I do think it could possibly end up maybe being more space than they need long term/ down the road, but they are the types who prefer to have more space than not enough. And they both like to have desk/ computer space, my dad has certain hobbies that need space, they have their hot tub, etc. So I think at least for now, this is perfect!! If way down the road they need a small apartment or something, we can cross the bridge (and there are plenty of places like that near us)- but right now they are not at that point at all.
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This is SUCH GREAT NEWS, Kae. I think all of you are going to be so happy they made this decision (even if there are some bittersweet aspects of the move for them). My mom lives a 10 minute walk from me and my sister (my sister lives next door to me!). That has been just wonderful the last several years as our kids have been growing up. But last year my dad and stepmom also just moved closer to us (15 minute drive) after living in another city over two hours away from us. They (and we) are SO happy they made the move. Just last night they stopped over at our house for impromptu ice cream and afterwards my dad sent me a text “Have I mentioned how glad I am we moved to Columbus??” It is just so nice to be able to get together more frequently for short visits rather than having everything be a big production to plan a weekend visit. My dad isn’t retired yet but I think when he is it will be even better because he will have more flexibility to get together. Oh, and one of the things you mention–watching the boys’ sports–you are going to find a big advantage too. We all absolutely love that all the grandparents can now come watch the kids’ performances, swim meets, etc.
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Wait, your sister lives right next door? Can’t she help watch your dogs then when you travel???!
I’m so happy to hear your story and all the positive outcomes. That’s basically exactly what I’m hoping for! How fun to have you guys- AND your sister!- all so near to each other. That’s really special!
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Why yes, that is an excellent question!!! I wish she would but she’s not exactly a dog person and she does have three elementary/preK aged kids so she does have time constraints. We definitely use for quick one-offs like running over to let them out to pee if we are going to be gone for one night or something, and for our South Dakota trip the dog sitter is not available the first day, so my sister is going to take Uno on her morning and evening walks that day and feed both the dogs. But she’s not really up for being a REGULAR dog sitter. And I honestly kind of get it, because Uno is super high maintenance and truly *needs* two long walks each day (well, one long, and one at least 20 minutes or so) in order to be well behaved and happy, and that’s hard particularly on weekday mornings!
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Congratulations on having a rising senior in your house. What a big decision for your family but it will be so nice for them to be closer to you and to make this move on their own terms.
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Congratulations on having a rising senior in your house. What a big decision for your family but it will be so nice for them to be closer to you and to make this move on their own terms.
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Wow… this is a BIG update, friend. Your oldest starting his final year of high school and your parents moving to your town! EEKS.
My mom lives nearby and I am certain there will be a time when we have to live together again. Luckily, she’s only turning 61 this year so she is still VERY young and we have plenty of time to worry about that stage of life. Right now, she’s very much enjoying the single life and figuring out what’s next for her!
I’m so excited for you to have your parents nearby! I know how much you value your relationship with them, and how fun will it be that you guys can meet for a quick meal or shopping date whenever you want?!
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