On to senior year and moving update

First of all, we officially have a SENIOR in high school now. Ethan just finished his junior year on Wednesday and I can’t believe it.

I didn’t manage to snag a pic of him on Wednesday to commemorate his “last day” (which was actually just a make-up AP test from the week before, because he had to miss it due to tennis!). This pic from tennis last weekend will have to serve as his final junior year pic.

He had such a great year. I feel like he really hit his stride in both soccer and tennis this year, playing Varsity for both, and he has become extremely close with a few of his tennis friends. Those guys are all just such nice kids and it makes me so happy. He did very well academically, also.

He’s become extremely independent. Fully manages his own schedules, work, driving all over creation for tennis, school stuff, even things like taking his car for an oil change, etc.

I feel like Ethan is living the dream right now and he’s loving this stage. This also makes me so happy! 🙂 And, sad, because the clock is ticking LOUDLY now – his time at home here with us is dwindling so fast.

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In other news, my parents put an offer in on the condo here in town yesterday!

This was a BIG AND SUDDEN development, honestly. I mean, we’ve talked for years now about them possibly moving this way, but it always felt abstract. And truthfully, none of us were sure they’d ever actually make the leap (until it became a true necessity).

There are so many pros and cons, but I think the pros do win out.

Cons

The biggest con is just that they really love their current condo. They highly customized it over the years and is all “just so”. They absolutely love the set up there and everything about it.

They’ve lived in the Milwaukee area for over 50 years now. Everything is familiar, easy, they like the vibe of their city, they have some lovely social connections (though realistically some of these will dwindle in the near future…), and my dad is involved with a big volunteer job that keeps him busy and gives him purpose.

I think it feels hard to leave something they love when there really isn’t a current need to do so.

Pros

The biggest pro that I see is that moving to Sun Prairie will be a proactive move. It is true they are still in good health and perfectly capable to live where they do, for now.

However, they are 75. Things can, and do, often change fast at this stage of life, unfortunately. Our biggest driver with this is to avoid a difficult situation where the unthinkable happens, and now suddenly everyone is scrambling.

If something happened to my dad, especially, my mom would be unable/highly uncomfortable to continue living alone in their condo, over an hour away from any support. We have zero other family in their area.

An abrupt need to move, possibly while dealing with either a serious health issue or potentially a grief situation, would be really, really hard on all of us.

This would also mean they could be moving without a lot of control- likely just having to take whatever housing was available at the moment, even if not ideal or preferred.

On the contrary, this new condo ticks all their boxes. Moving now allows them to move on their terms, calmly, organized, to a place of their choosing. It has 3 bedrooms (space for a guest room + office/ hobby space on main level), a big basement for storage and their indoor hot tub (important to them), it’s on a pond (great view and no neighbor right behind them, which they love!) and it’s in a brand new neighborhood- so it feels like a “shiny new upgrade”, I think, versus a sad downsize. (Brand new also = hopefully no big expensive home repairs in the near future to deal with.) The location is perfect, with all major grocery stores, big box stores, restaurants, the YMCA and much more within a 3-4 minute drive, and <10 minutes to my house.

By moving now, they’re getting ahead of the game. They ARE still thankfully in excellent shape right now. Moving won’t be a big problem now. (Well, moving always sucks, but they can still easily sort belongings and unpack and organize things now.)

My dad can still do some projects to make it their own, and my mom, who is highly visual and cares a lot about things like decor, etc., can spend her days out and about running around finding new rugs and wall hangings and the like. My mom LOVES running errands, and shopping, and decorating….lol.

If something does happen to either of them, I will be 10 minutes away. We can help support things like doctor visits, emergencies, or house needs, should they arise, as they get into their 80s and hopefully beyond!

It’s much more likely that my mom could stay alone in this new condo longer term (with our nearby support) versus needing to move into a senior apartment right away, should something happen to my dad. And if the tables were turned, we’d be nearby for my dad, too.

Then there’s the obvious- being closer means we can see each other more often. We already do see them often, but it’s a bigger production with them living 1 hour 15 min away. (This is certainly not “far”, but it’s far enough that most visits turn into an overnight stay. It means they’re always packing an overnight bag, driving on the interstate, and both of our weekends are all tied up with the visit. IF at any point the drive became an issue, which realistically, someday it could, the hour drive could suddenly be very problematic, or Ivan and I could be spending all of our empty nest weekends traveling to them! )

Being local, we could grab a quick dinner together on a weeknight or have more frequent shorter visits, which I think will probably be a really nice thing and less disruptive to everyone. As much as it makes me want to throw up thinking about it, time left with them is getting limited. I want to take advantage of it.

They will have a front row seat to the boys’ final high school years- senior soccer and tennis season for Ethan next year, and Asher’s sports. This will be great! I also know the boys will totally do things like just drive over to pop in on them and say hi from time to time. There’s a neighborhood pickleball court just 5 doors down! I can see Asher dragging my dad to the golf driving range, or Ethan picking up my mom to get ice cream with him.

Heck, I’d love to text my mom to meet up at TJMaxx for some browsing or Home Depot to help me pick my summer flowers.

Finally, I think they actually might really enjoy exploring a new place. The Madison area is a very cool place to live. We have a gazillion restaurants and breweries etc in a 20 mile radius from the new condo. We have farmer’s markets, beer gardens, botanical gardens, lakes, nature trails, bike paths, cultural events, Broadway shows, State St, the Capitol, everything you can think of.

Milwaukee of course has many of these things, too, but they’ve been there forever. They tend to just go to the same places all the time, as people often do- maybe a bit of a rut?

There’s something different and exciting and satisfying about exploring a new place. They’re such great partners and still love doing things together (even after 60 years– they started dating at age 15!). I think if they lean into this, they could really get a lot of enjoyment out of the novelty for the next few years!

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In summary:

Overall, I know it’s a hard decision for them. It would be easier to decide if their backs were against the wall. Thankfully, they’re not, and they are in a place where this is optional.

And I know they do love their current life. They don’t HAVE to change, yet.

But it feels like the sort of thing that we will all probably look back on in 5 years and say, Yep, THAT WAS A GOOD CALL!

I also feel grateful to them. This feels like a gift to me. My only sibling lives in Ireland, and to my knowledge, she is not planning on moving back to assist in my parents’ elderly years. So it’s going to be… me. Having my parents close by will make things immensely easier on me, when that time comes.

Of course, it feels scary! Some people move all over, all the time, and this would be “no biggie”; this is not me, and it’s not my parents, either. None of us are super great with change!

I do also feel a little sad about the loss of the connection to where I grew up (although they haven’t lived in my childhood home in 20 years, it’s very nearby, so every time I visit, I get that sense of being “home”.) I also feel bad about them feeling sad leaving a place they like. I know this is all highly overwhelming to them. There are some unknowns, too – What if they hate it?! What if it feels TOO close?! (I don’t really think either of these will happen.)

But big picture, looking at what actually matters most, I do think it’s the right decision. (AND, IT’S EXCITING!!!!! 🥳🥳)

A fave recent pic with them!