Yes, a dramatic title…. to talk about cooking + meal planning.
Seriously though, why does this always feel so hard?! It annoys the living daylights out of me, for various reasons.
First, compared to I think a lot of families, we don’t even cook that much. We are not above eating out pretty frequently. 🤷♀️
We always eat out Friday nights (Mexican; boys usually do frozen pizza if they aren’t with us, which nowadays they usually aren’t).
Saturdays and Sundays are kind of a free for all. I don’t really stress about these days- they are what they are and it just varies a lot. I’d say I rarely cook on Saturdays; it’s usually a combo of eating up leftovers, random stuff like sandwiches for lunch, maybe ordering a pizza or Chinese on a Saturday night, or just doing quesadillas etc. (Or, if we’re out at sporting events, it’s highly likely we may grab Chipotle or Culver’s or something. Last Saturday we had Panera.) Sundays I normally do cook dinner (or sometimes Ivan). Now and then I’ll make a bigger breakfast of some sort on the weekend, but more often than not one or both of the boys are working or away, so… they often eat at work on their break (McDonald’s), too. Both boys also seem to default to instant ramen if no one has ahem, cooked for them. 🙄 (Ideal, no, but at least if there’s no “real food”, they’ll happily just make themselves a ramen.)
This really just leaves Monday- Thursday.
And honestly, there’s a good bet that at least one of those nights we are physically not even home to eat, so it’s more like 3 days to worry about.
But here’s the thing that irks me I think: Despite this sounding very manageable on paper, I just can’t seem to get in a “groove”.
I think part of the issue is that I now work later than I used to. I used to be able to wrap up more around 4:00. Now, I’m typically still working until at least 5:00, sometimes even 5:30. This makes a very big difference, especially if I need to pick up or drive somewhere shortly after. And the dog needs to go out, etc. It’s like everything just piles up and there IS NO TIME.
I try to lean into leftovers, which kind of works, but my family is so finnicky about leftovers!! It is exasperating. Like, they’ll eat some leftovers, but no one wants to eat the same thing usually two days in a row. So if it works for me to say, only cook on Monday and Wednesday, planning leftovers for Tuesday/Thursday, well…. come Tuesday, certain people will be frowning. 😩 Which, normally I would say, if you don’t like it, make your own food or something, BUT, since as outlined above, we already eat out quite a bit and the boys already eat probably a disproportionate share of “not home cooked meals…” on the other days. So I really want at least Monday-Thursday to be more well-rounded meals, I guess.
I also like the idea of doing more meal prep during my lunch break a couple days a week, but this feels like sort of a moving target. Some weeks it fits in, others it doesn’t…but I might not know until the day of if I’ll really have time.
Just in general, it feels like between varied weeknight schedules and inconsistent weekends and, um, weekdays too (so, I guess, every day?), I just can’t nail down some nice recurring cooking schedule really. Some weeks it fits in nicely, others it’s just a huge headache and I feel like we’re totally scrambling.
I am actually fairly terrible at certain types of planning- things like this included. There is something in my brain that doesn’t work quite right; I have a very hard time anticipating certain changing or abstract variables and I find it overwhelming and I just don’t do it well. Picking meals to make is hard enough for me; trying to plan “strategic” meals that will generate just the right amount of leftovers, be particularly “quick yet healthy”, or the idea of like, reusing certain ingredients from one meal for another meal later in the week (like when people will say, oh, we had shredded chicken tacos on Tuesday, and then we used the leftover chicken on Thursday for…. I don’t know, I can’t even think right now what you’d do with the leftover shredded chicken. See? I’m bad at this. 😅 But you know what I mean.) is especially difficult. Pile on top of it all the time pressure aspect and it’s just not good.
Then don’t even get me started on grocery shopping.
I hate grocery shopping on the weekend because it’s so busy.
I hate grocery shopping during the week because I don’t want to be out at the store at 7 pm in the dark after a long day. Especially since some days we often have places to be in the evenings…so if I DO have a free night, I don’t really want to be out at the store. But, going during the week means not having to go on the weekend, so THAT is a big positive…
I don’t like grocery services because, I don’t know, I just don’t. It’s annoying to order it all on my computer and I like to be able to look at the food myself I guess.
Ivan is willing to shop, and I should likely lean more into this option, but I am home way more than he is (so I EAT at home way more, during the day) and I have lots of specific random things that I want. Sometimes it feels like another hassle to tell him exactly which this or that I want…
*I realize I’m being ‘one of those annoying people’ who is whining about an issue and then has another problem for every solution.*
But seriously, this arena of life just is so confusing to me. I literally often have the urge, when I see people out on weeknights, to be like, “Hey you random lady- what did you have for dinner, and who cooked it and when?” 🤣 I just feel like, I need to UNDERSTAND how other people who have busy lives and kids and work full time all make this work.
I have read so much meal planning/ cooking advice over the years. Common ideas are:
Meal prep on the weekends (No. I’m not doing that. We don’t have cleaners, so just cleaning and other errands and household stuff already eats up an annoying amount of time on the weekend.)
Use the crockpot. (Eh, this isn’t terrible, but I don’t love most crockpot food, nor does my family. At times, yes, but not really a daily solution for us.)
Cook super simple meals. (Yes, this is probably useful. I think I struggle with thinking of, “what ARE these super simple fast meals that still taste good and everyone would like?” I need to compile a better go-to list, I think.)
Do meal themes. (I don’t know. I tried this in the past, but, eh. I suppose I could mull this over.)
Use leftovers. (see above…).
Make extra and freeze it for another day. (I cannot really do this. Ivan is extremely fussy about eating frozen foods. In Mexico, they do NOT do this and they all have a big complex about only eating fresh foods. We have argued this point, and he insists that frozen stuff “tastes bad”. It has been a long journey to get him to eat thawed, previously frozen ground beef or chicken!! He will now, begrudgingly, eat meat that was frozen and then cooked fresh, but he would not eat some fully cooked meal from a month ago that was frozen and thawed, if that makes sense. I will choose my marriage battles and let this one go. 🤷♀️)
Anyway, my biggest issue isn’t even really figuring out something to cook- it’s just having TIME TO COOK THE DAMM FOOD. I would very happily cook every day if I could just have a nice open window in which to do it, with no interruptions. (I should note- Ivan usually doesn’t get home until after 6 pm, so he is not helpful with cooking during the week. He also puts zero pressure on me about it, and would be happy to just pick up take out every day to bring home or go out, if left to his own devices… ha.)
Well, I think that’s enough about that for now. (I feel like it’s very possible I have written basically this exact same post at some point in the past? If so, forgive me. Apparently it’s still an issue.)
I will leave you with one of my “quick meals” that people seem to like around here, from last night:
This whole topic just makes my head hurt! I need a personal chef. lol.
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for my pumpkin spice candle, burning here next to me right now. 🙂
GRATEFUL KAE 
yes to this. My husband doesn’t like a meal plan because what if he doesn’t want spaghetti on Tuesday? I’m like we can eat them in any order we just need to stuff for meals. We also eat out way more than I’d like and with sports practice it seems we all eat at different times. For a while I did Hello Fresh because that was 2 meals a week that we could cook. Now I usually make dinner on Saturday or Sunday night. And on Sunday afternoon I prep a casserole that my husband could put in the oven on Monday night. My family is pretty good about leftovers so that helps. Most of my quick meals are with frozen stuff so that won’t help you. For awhile my husband had a Sunday night commitment so my kids and I would do breakfast for dinner with the waffle maker, eggs and sausage.
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I feel oddly way less “pressure” about quick meals when my husband isn’t home! Which is silly, because it’s not like he PUTS pressure on me about it, but for some reason it seems totally fine if it’s just me and the boys to eat scrambled eggs and toast for dinner, but if it’s all 4 of us, then I have this weird idea that it should be a more “official dinner”. Or something! I don’t know why though!
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YES IT’S HARD!!!!!! ALL OF IT!!!!!!
If I could do the last few years of my life over, I would have just flat out turned weeknight dinners over to my husband and the boys. We went though a long period where they had to have dinner early, and I’m the one who works the latest, so I put myself through a lot of stress trying to juggle work/cooking the perfect dinner every night. Maybe someone has a better answer to how to have lovely weeknight dinners during this phase of life, but my conclusion is that when the boys look back on the past few years they aren’t going to remember what we ate but instead will remember all of their Adventures in Boy Scouts.
Meal prep on weekends sucks! Going to the grocery store on dark weeknights sucks! Spending all weekend at the grocery store to catch up because you didn’t go during the week sucks! I don’t have the answers but I am here validate what you said.
I do have one fun idea, which the hubs and I started doing by accident – go to the grocery store together! Yes even though you’re home all the time and Ivan isn’t. I still go to Costco and TJ’s by myself, but somehow doing something sucky with the Hubs makes it less sucky and we get to joke about our hot grocery store dates.
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I do like the idea of going together! I have been thinking about that. Except I think I mostly just want to “divide and conquer” to make it go faster, haha! I don’t really like putzing with the produce bags etc and that section is always extra crowded, so I feel like I’d be happy to hand that off to him, and then I could go swing through the dairy aisle and grab the Triscuits and pasta etc on the other side of the store!
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I also hate this whole category and have successfully outsourced to my husband (partly because he’s pickier about frozen, variety, etc) mostly. 2 options to consider:
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These are both great ideas! The main store we go to is not far away, but it’s also not like, right around the corner, either. (It’s probably a…. 7-8 minute drive, at the most?) I often wish I had a store just right on the corner where I could just swing in and out throughout the week and grab things. That’s what my MIL in Mexico does- they have little neighborhood markets with fresh produce and meat, so she can just grab fresh stuff and cook it the same day and it’s just right up the street. Sending him and then doing a separate trip for my stuff is a really good idea, actually, though.
I’ve also thought about being more strategic with the timing of cooking. I actually LIKE to cook (unlike grocery shopping- I genuinely don’t like that whole process). I just don’t like having to cook super rushed. I feel like it could actually work to cook on the night we eat leftovers, but then cook later at night? Sounds weird, but I would actually be happy to calmly stand and cook in my slippers at 8 pm with a show on the TV or a podcast on, while the boys did their showers, homework, etc and I had no rush to get it done because we’d already eaten something else. Then we could just eat that new food the NEXT night. Hmm, something to consider!
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There were a few years when our lives were very different when my husband and I did this–cooked the next night’s meal at night after the kids went to bed (when they were toddlers) and it was nice to have time together that was very relaxed. It’s not a bad strategy! Now I fit in some meal prep during the day since I WFH just like you. I’ll get meat out of the freezer, chop veggies, etc. while I’m in the kitchen getting water, a snack or whatever. Breaking it up makes it more manageable. I also highly recommend putting together a list of crowd pleaser meals so you can draw from that list when you are stuck. I’m sure if you sit down with your family you can come up with 10 and that’s a great list!
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I was going to recommend this too. I also WFH (5:30 or 6), like cooking, but hate the rush. My current strategy is to keep meals super simple during the week. Sheet pan options (steak fajitas and salmon with asparagus or broccoli and couscous are two favorites) are good for your situation because you can assemble the night before and then are home to put them in the oven. Highly recommend checking out tidal_tastes on IG for sheet pan ideas!
We also do spaghetti, tacos, burrito bowls, pizza, and burgers as regular favorites. I’ve lowered my bar on what is feasible during the work week.
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I’ve resigned myself to the fact that weeknight meals cannot take longer than 10-15 minutes to prepare. We get home at 6 pm with a hungry 1 and 5 year old, who have zero patience when it comes to dinner! This often means that I need to chop things on the weekends to streamline the prep. On the weeks where I don’t have each meal planned/half prepped are significantly more stressful. I also dislike prepping on the weekends, but taking one hour to chop things/plan while watching football isn’t too bad when the pay off is a smoother week.
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I totally can see the benefit in doing this! I think in my case, I HAVE been “planning” or picking meals lately, but I’m not always 100% positive if my “planned schedule” will actually work out or not, if that makes sense. Like I’ll sketch something out, but some weeks we end up deviating for one reason or another. I think that’s why I’ve been hesitant to do too much meal prep days in advance…
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I have the same issue! I loosely assign meals to days but then shift them around as needed/time allows. Many weeks I plan 6 meals but only 4 of them actually come to fruition. Unsurprisingly the ones I actually do some light prep for are typically the ones that happen!
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hi! Random reader here who rarely comments- but I’m also a mom of 2 etc etc. my tips:
I totally do ask people all the time what they’re having for dinner! lol – my colleagues, my sister, the librarian, a mom I run into.. I have shamelessly stolen dinner ideas from all of them. I often say something like “omg now I have to run home and figure out what the heck to feed my family. What are you guys doing?”
I have a list of meals on my phone (and now somewhat in my head) that I know I can get on the table in 30 mins. Some of the heavy hitters: pasta with shrimp and tomato (from run fast eat slow cookbook), Greek sheet pan chicken with side of brown rice and often a salad for the adults, “mixed bowls” which in our fam is tofu, a bunch of roasted veg, sliced tomatoes, peppers and avocados all served over either rice or spinach or both and drizzled with tahini dresssing (tahini, lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, touch of honey shaken up w hot water to thin out as needed), wraps (any leftover protein, lettuce, tomato, cheese, peppers, avocado in a big tortilla) – I serve these cold/make your own or if I’m feeling fancy I’ll fold them for everyone and press them on a hot pan to crisp the tortilla and get the cheese melty.
I know you don’t like the idea of grocery delivery, but what about one of those cook at home meal kits? In our area, we have good food and HelloFresh as popular options. If you got two meals a week from them, it would at least take away some of the midweek craziness from Monday to Thursday and at least you would know that you have, two solidly cooked at home meals? I think the downside is at these often tend to be a bit more expensive and buy your own groceries.
I hope that helps! 🙂
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Love that list of meal ideas! Also, I definitely needed to jot down some specific “extra quick meals” or something that I can reference. I did that now too! I think I need to remember the sheet pan idea too- several commenters have mentioned those. We’ve never tried meal services/ delivery kits… I think I’ve always felt that would be something Ivan would kind of turn his nose up to, due to the cost and also just because of his culture surrounding food! (even though he is cool eating quicker/ simple meals- I’m just not sure he’d really go for the kit concept….)
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Cooking is actually my favorite part of the day, and I plan the meals on Saturday mornings and then submit an order to Aldi. With little kids, and a husband working late, I could not ever just go to the store for a forgotten ingredient. I always say, they should have had grocery pickup when my kids were little. Throw in that my teens eat less and have gotten pickier instead of eating me out of house and home like I thought, and it’s hard. I mention several things you do not want to do: crockpot, meal plan, eat leftovers. Therefore, I think you might find following Real Mom Nutrition valuable. She throws in two meals a week from Hello Fresh. Sign up for her emails and you get the weekly meal plan. https://www.realmomnutrition.com/ I also love our local vendor, Cassoulet, for when I really cannot.cook.one.more.meal.
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Well, a few clarifications… I am personally not opposed to crockpots, meal plans or leftovers!! haha. I especially have been on the “meal plan” train lately. A few years ago I was much more likely to just sort of wing it, when my job was more flexible and our days just looked different. I’d say this past year or two I have been much more in the camp of meal plans, although they may not be quite as strict or scheduled as some people do. But I have been picking meals for the week before heading to the store pretty religiously now!
When exactly is it that you cook, though? I feel like this is more my issue. I am with you that I do actually enjoy cooking. But by the time I get done with work around 5:30 these days, I am so often running up on people either almost walking in the door hungry by a little after 6 /6:30 (and I’ve not necessarily had time to cook yet…), OR we have a very small window before I need to either drive somewhere, or A needs to get to or from practice, etc etc. For example on the VB game days this fall, I usually just walked up from work, took the dog out, and then went straight out the door for the game. No time for cooking…
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Oh, and I basically exclusively eat leftovers during the workweek for lunches. But it’s just annoying when I will try to use leftovers as part of the “meal plan” and then I get pushback from the, ahem, non-cooking members of the family…
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Our fave cookbook lately is Rachel Hollis “Real Life Dinners.” We’ve made almost every recipe, including the Cobb Salad, many times!
On the VB games we just had sandwiches.
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I love meal planning so it’s hard for me to relate 🙂 But I do think you answered your own question – find 5-10 super easy meals (like the one you shared!) and just make them on repeat. It sounds like your fam doesn’t really care about variety, so that helps a lot! (also – leftover shredded chicken – use in a soup! a pot pie! stir fry! chicken salad for sandwiches! the puzzling out of it is fun for me – probably also why I love using points for travel and figuring that part out too!)
I’m lucky that my family all is fine with leftovers/freezer meals, etc, but if they aren’t, I do think things like:
-Soup in the crockpot – I feel like soup is typically one of the most palatable leftovers so maybe your fam would be ok with it?
-Stir fry or curry is probably the absolute easiest thing –
-you know this, but like tacos/quesadillas/etc
I love this blog, and I fully know that you are going to look at a lot of these recipes and think, ok these sound too hard – but truly she does a good job of making actually interesting food but that you can make quickly (using some shortcut items – not everything needs ot be from scratch!) – these are the specific recipes that are meant to be quick, for “SOS” nights as she calls them: https://pinchofyum.com/recipes/sos-series
here are a few specific recipes i’ve made many times and love, and all of them REALLY are fast:
https://pinchofyum.com/chickpea-curry
https://pinchofyum.com/crispy-black-bean-tacos-with-cilantro-lime-sauce
https://pinchofyum.com/yummy-salmon-burgers-slaw
https://pinchofyum.com/tortellini-soup
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Ooh thanks Erin! So many great tips here and thanks for the blog rec/ recipe ideas. I agree soup is one of the things that I think turns out good in the crockpot. I also like pulled pork/ pulled chicken in the crockpot.
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We make meals, we eat, and then the next day we have to repeat. So annoying lol Why can’t humans be more like snakes and eat every 7 to 10 days? Ugh, annoying.
I want food to be a highlight of my existence, especially after traveling to Italy and France. It’s not. Our kids are 4 and 6, and our meals are very, VERY, basic. Think chicken, rice, and a vegetable like broccoli. Not even a stir fry, more like separate pieces or piles of chicken, rice (or potatoes, for me 😉 and a vegetable. It’s depressing .
Proteins: chicken/salmon/pork ribs/por chops/rarely a steak
Starch: rice, pasta or potatoes
Vegetables: broccoli, asparagus, canned corn, or cut up tomatoes and cucumbers for a Russian salad. I also like eating sour kraut on the side but I’m Russian and I am the only one who eats it in my family.
I have no advice but wanted to share what we do. My hope is that one day, when the kids are older, I can actually start cooking meaningful meals.
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Haha, you made me laugh with the “separate piles of chicken, potatoes, etc” comment. lol! I think that sounds generally quite healthy and simple though! Nothing wrong with it!! I think I’m okay eating that way, so long as I have something spicy like a salsa or something to jazz it up a little. But one meal my kids LOVE is just pan fried tilapia, rice and frozen veggies! Basic, but a crowd pleaser.
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I am with Daria on this –> I take whatever protein is on sale and eat that with a veggie and a starch. I know, this is so Midwest/1950 but it is easy and fast. You can put everything in the oven or pot or microwave and go back to work and then it’s ready when everyone is home. For example, pork chops, potatoes and broccoli (from Costco, already cut up). Put chops in oven, potatoes in microwave and broccoli in pan on the stove and then fire up as needed.
I am also a huge fan of the same thing each week. This saves on meal planning, and it would be super easy for Ivan to go and get the same 12 ingredients each week (and like above, you could go separately for any fiddly or personal things). Also then you can get the cooking down to a science and not have to worry about measuring and all that jazz.
The third suggestion would be to outsource to the kids. When I was probably 11, I started cooking dinner for the family and sure it was not anything special (haha it was meat, veggie, starch usually, so not much has changed), but maybe either they do it together once a week, or each take a day if that is possible, and then they learn new skills and take a little of the pressure off of you. Also, in this case, they can decide what to make and Ivan can go and get it from the store!
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Sigh, I SO want to outsource this to the kids (sometimes)…. but it just feels like we have not made that happen really. Neither of them ever seems very enthused by the idea, and I think when I have requested help, it turns into a production where I have to “help” or teach them sort of certain things first…. and then it doesn’t save me any time. But it really is important to me that they learn how to cook and be self-sufficient, so I should probably re-visist this. Ethan is done with soccer now, so in theory he should be home earlier and could help now and then for sure!
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I do try to plan my meals ahead and then make my grocery list from the menu. I absolutely hate grocery shopping anymore, I never used to mind it, even when I had three little ones hanging all over me. But nowadays it gets on my last nerve, so I like to have a plan and get in and get out. I don’t bother perusing labels or aimlessly wander up and down the aisles like I see people doing. I know what I want and get out. I haven’t found a really good time to do it either. I am fortunate that I retired and can go whenever I want, but I think it’s even worse during the day, especially in the mornings than it is later in the day.
I read a lot of good suggestions so far. Some of my thoughts were similar to those others have already posted. I like the idea that if you are cooking on Monday and are chopping an onion for instance, then chop some extra for the rest of the week. What are the usual go tos? What seem to be the favorites? Make a list and then rotate those in every couple of weeks instead of trying to come up with something new. I could never remember what my grandson liked, picky eater, so I ended up making a list and would make sure one or two of his favorites were on the menu for the week.
I hate always having leftovers, and I seem to be unable to pare down the servings so I have fewer or none at the end of the meal. If I’m making a protein, starch and veggie, then there usually aren’t too many leftovers. But I tend to make a lot of pasta dishes, casseroles, now we are in soup season, so there always seem to be a bunch of leftovers. I also have a hard time using them in a creative way. Shredded chicken tacos one night and what the next? That isn’t actually so bad, you can always cook up some pasta and make an alfredo sauce in a jiffy. But what do I do with mashed potatoes and meatloaf to make it NOT mashed potatoes and meatloaf, there my brain gets fried.
I don’t think there is one good answer, each household is different, but I think there is a lot of great advice and suggestions here already that you can try one or two out and see how that works. Just try one thing and if it works, maybe try another, until you get a good system and don’t feel so much frustration going in to meals.
How about asking your family to create a menu for the week? Ask each person to suggest a meal for the week, or have them collaborate on one day. Maybe if they gave you more input it wouldn’t feel like such a burden. At first they will just say I don’t care and all of that, but you’d just have to really insist that it would really help you if they could come up with some ideas.
I have to admit that I love the idea of getting fresh products every few days or so and making everything fresh and from scratch, but our culture isn’t like that at all and it can be hard so we do the best we can I guess.
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About mashed potatoes (I love potatoes! mashed, baked, from the firepit, roasted, boiled…): we put old mashed potatoes on a skillet with some olive oil, warm them up, then break a few eggs over the potatoes, and mix it all up for a quick breakfast. Or lunch.
Meatloaf: I don’t know. I’ve been eating last week’s meatloaf almost every day for lunch 🙂
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So many good thoughts and insights here, Tina! I especially love the idea of asking the family for suggestions. I definitely have done that but should be more routine about it. Also, one issue with that that I’ve had is that sometimes they will suggest slightly more complicated meals… and then I can end up with meals on the “plan” for a night that I really didn’t have time for such a complex meal. I’m just not always the best at anticipating exactly how much time I’ll have to cook on any given night. But maybe if I make sure they pick at least 1-2 from my new “super simple meals” list, it could help!
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I relate to a lot of what you are describing.. part of me wonders if we just put so much pressure on ourselves to optimize every aspect of our life and so it feels like we need a meal plan system, when in reality most people are just winging it. I have 3 kids, all under 5, and I actually have asked other moms I see at the park “so what are you guys eating tonight??” If it’s like 5 pm. Because what are people with young kids eating to be out at the park that late? We only go if there is leftovers or crockpot meal because I can’t handle the chaos of getting kids inside and settled and then cooking.
also I also kinda dislike the grocery ordering services. My phone is super old and freezes when I’m trying to order groceries, and somehow I always mess something on the order up and we’re missing a random vegetable! Grrr. I love to eat and cook, so this just feels like an area I need to take charge on, but it is a lot of work!
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Yes, exactly!! Or I’ll finish work and then take Charlie for a walk, and I’ll see all these people at the park, out walking, with their dogs, etc… and I’m always like, what the heck are they all doing for dinner?! Haha.
In fairness I’ve only ordered groceries a few times, but it just seemed a little tedious. Or, like for example, it would ask sometimes for things in the “weight” and then I’d get confused… and I’d be like, I don’t know how many lbs of jalapenos I usually get! I just grab a big handful! lol! Or, I want 4-5 apples… no idea how many “lbs” that is….
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Ugh it drives me nuts that everyone has to eat every single freaking day. I’ve been making a couple things on Sundays and coasting til midweek.
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Cooking a couple things on Sunday sounds really smart! I don’t know that I’d want to do this all the time, but I should definitely keep this in mind especially if I know it’s going to be a busy week….
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You are in a challenging stage of life with lots of after work/school activities for the boys. We end up eating something different from our boys since they are so selective and we both like leftovers so that simplifies things.
If Ivan is willing to shop, I say you let him. Yes you WFH but you no longer have a ton of flexibility. You have more than Ivan of course but you pretty much work typical hours now so fitting in grocery shopping at off peak times seems unlikely to happen. Phil does our grocery shopping and it works super well for us. I am particular about things but he knows what to get and if he doesn’t get something, I will run to target during my workday.
I only make 3 meals/week and then we get by on leftovers. I try to make the more labor/time intensive meals on the weekend when I have more time in the evening and then try to make faster meals on week nights, like tacos.
Another thing that has helped is that Phil helps come up with meal ideas. Reducing the mental load of meal ideas really helped me. I do 95% of the cooking, we share meal planning and he shops. So now it is more evenly distributed between us.
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THIS. Reading the OP, I heard a lot of things that she or her family didn’t want to or can’t do, but sounded ambivalent about having Ivan grocery shop. So, let him. He’ll probably suck at it for a while. You can do a midweek Target pickup for little snacky or lunchy things for you. My husband isn’t good at getting those either, nor am I good at writing them down. But he can get a basic grocery list just fine and I think he likes doing it. Great! job outsourced.
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Yes, I really should have him do this, at least sometimes! Even if we traded off, it could help. Especially because he’s more of a night owl… I honestly think he would be happy to go out some evening at like 8:30 pm and get groceries while I get ready for bed early that night, especially if I have already, say, made the meal plan, cleaned out the fridge and made the list. I really love the idea of NOT always having to get groceries on the weekend…. I also like suggestions people have pointed out that I can always make a separate solo run if needed for a few things. But it would be WAY faster for me to run in for 4-5 special things vs doing a huge shop for the whole family!
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hi th
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I think this is a time to Lazy Genius it. What matters most? Not freezing food? Picking it out yourself at the grocery store? I think if you pick the thing that matters most it will help you figure out what to do next.
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Definitely a good suggestion to approach it through that “lazy genius” lens! Hmm. I need to mull over exactly what my main priority is! I’m not actually sure.
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I know.. somedays I wonder why do we need to eat 3 times a day, every single day?!!! I also get annoyed that other members of the family are not content eating the same simple meals every day. I can live in same things for a long time without getting bored. Oh… and snacks! I don’t like store bought snacks, so I even make ours for the girls to take to school. The difference is cooking is meditative for me so I don’t mind as part of unwinding process. I am privileged to have a helper to do the actual cooking, just need to tell her what, and when I forget to tell her (busy afternoon) she’s smart enough to make something. But just this week, I feel we are in a food rut, eating the same things and the family is getting bored, so I’ll try something different next week. make simpler meals, one protein (main dish), 1-2 sides of veg, and 1 carb. let’s see how that goes.
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Yeah, I can be pretty happy with sort of random, simple meals too…. like I’d be totally happy to just open a can of tuna, chop some onion and pepper and toss it on lettuce and have a “tuna salad” for dinner. Haha. But I don’t think everyone else would want to eat that necessarily. I do like to cook, generally, but I just find it soooo stressful when I don’t have a big enough window of time to do it in the evenings. That makes me crazy.
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Well, I don’t mean to be negative, but I’m starting to feel like this whole “dinner” thing is hopeless. I’m at the point where if we could just take a pill that fulfilled all our nutrition requirements instead of eating dinner, I would do it. I tried doing meal prep on Sunday, but hated that (it ruined my Sunday!) It just doesn’t seem like after working all day, we should have to make dinner. If it were just me it would be fine, but add in all the personal preferences of the rest of the family, and it’s daunting. All I can offer here is commiseration.
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Hahaha Jenny!! You might be onto something!!! lol!! I agree that the idea of some huge meal prep on Sunday just sounds so…. ugh. I could maybe see it from time to time, if I had a wide open Sunday and had good football on the tv or something. But honestly so many weeks we are busy on the weekends! So I just don’t see that being a consistent, reliable solution.
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It may be easier when things (like cooking) become a routine. It’s like, if your significant other travels all the time, you have systems in place and have backups for activity rides, etc, whereas if the spouse travels maybe once a year, it becomes a super-stressful event where one has to all-of-a-sudden figure out how to get multiple kids to multiple activities all at the same time. Same with cooking – if you do it 6 out of 7 nights, it’s kind of semi-automatic. You’ve got stuff on hand. You have a back-up plan. On the other hand, if it’s only 2-3 dinners a week that you need to prepare, you might not have all the tools/ingredients/routine/planning in place to get it done easily.
I love the idea of getting all the ingredients fresh but, unfortunately, that’s not feasible with our current lifestyle and location. Maybe some day.
We cook most of our meals. I don’t do any sort of formal meal planning but I do have certain staples that I try to always have on hand. We have a few dinner “concepts” that we rotate through, varying things slightly from time to time.
When things get boring and I want to make something new: usually, instead of looking up a recipe and then making a grocery list for ingredients, I go backwards. Using the ingredients I have, I search for recipes.
I don’t use the word “leftovers”. Food is food. I try to cook enough so that it will last at least 2 meals. My husband will eat anything 🙂 Kids sometimes complain about having to eat the same thing as yesterday, so we do try to alternate meals or serve the same protein as yesterday with different sides. I also go for protein/vegetables/starch approach, same as Daria and Kyria (I had no idea this was a Midwest or 1950’s thing – but hey, it works out great for us!)
We also tend to have emergency backup food: something (usually from Costco or Trader Joes) that is ready-to-go in minutes.
I guess a deeper question would be: is this a priority at this stage of your life? Is this something you enjoy doing and find meaningful? Because if not… you family sounds quite capable of feeding themselves! Also, everyone (including you) is extremely busy. Maybe this is the omelet-for-dinner and everyone-fix-your-own meal season 🙂 By the way, that ground beef with corn and rice sounds delicious and a perfect weeknight dinner option!!!
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Love so many things about this comment! You’re so right about the whole cadence thing. When the boys were little, we both worked weirder hours, and I did a lot of solo parenting. It was actually easier in some ways, like you said!
In the past I used to never really “meal plan” and mostly just always bought our basics/ staples and then knew I could make stuff from those items. I’d say I sort of still do the same, but I have been trying to branch out and make different meals, recipes, etc., so it has become more important to make a plan. (example, we can’t have “sloppy joes” if I didn’t buy any buns….).
And it is a good question at the end there. Hmm. I think meals are not a HUGE priority for us right now, really, but I think my issue is that since we already kind of phone it on other days of the week (or eat out, etc), I feel like we should have at least a few nicer, home cooked meals per week. But, this may be sort of in my head….. I’m not sure there’s exactly a magic number of a certain type of meals that I “have” to make, you know?
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I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months and have never commented but I FEEL your pain about meal planning/grocery shopping/cooking. I like picking out my own produce and meat at the grocery store but I don’t enjoy grocery shopping. My compromise is to do an online order for pantry ingredients a couple of times a month and do the rest of the shopping myself. I can pick out the produce that looks good and be out of the store pretty quickly.
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That’s really smart!! Hmmm, I should consider trying that!! I feel like more of my specific things I want from the store are not produce (for example, I like to buy some of those Core Power protein drinks to have on hand, but Ivan doesn’t know which ones, etc… so I could place an order for all the non-produce stuff, and then Ivan could just swing by and pick up the produce! (He also complained a little the couple times we did grocery orders that he wasn’t sure he liked what they had sent.)
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Meal planning/cooking is definitely the hardest thing for me about being an adult! I used to feel so guilty when my boys (now 16 and 13) were little because they basically lived on chicken nuggets and pasta. Add in a husband who randomly experiences food allergies, so my standard rotation of maybe 20 recipes has been whittled down to about 5 over time since he’ll have weird reactions. We resort to takeout so much. I would 1000% love to have a private chef if that was an option!!!
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Honestly, when I was in high school, my parents both worked full time…. we ate out a ton during the week in certain seasons because I think just logistically my mom would walk in the door from work and then need to turn right around and walk back out to get my sister and me places! And you know what? I have ZERO negative memories from that. Like, there is no part of me that thinks, gee, my childhood would have been so much better if my mom had had a pot roast on the table for us all every night. In fact, I think I actually have particularly warm memories of those days! We used to stop somewhere for dinner, talk, catch up, etc…I mean, ok, I suppose not every meal was perfectly balanced, but overall, it just did not matter. So, I do think that the idea of the whole big home-cooked meal every night being a necessity may be a little overblown, anyway.
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This struck a chord for me too! Like many, we’re time challenged with 3 kids in activities and picky eaters. I enjoy cooking and making new recipes, but I’ve lowered my standards with less time and family enthusiasm for adventurous food. And I’ve also come to lean on grocery delivery, even though it’s imperfect in that sometimes a substitution is wrong, you don’t get to see the food you’re choosing, etc. I was feeling resentful having to add going to the store in the midst of all the other responsibilities, and now I’m not. All the apps save prior orders and we eat a lot of the same things for breakfasts and lunches, so it’s pretty fast to reorder. As for what we make, I do use the crockpot and instant pot. I’ll usually use the crockpot for meat — pork tenderloin or chicken thighs, and then make the starch and veggies fresh so we don’t feel like we’re eating mush. I’m no longer above buying pre-chopped steam in bag veggies and microwave rice. I love roasting veggies and potatoes when there’s time or will throw together a sheet pan dinner. In the colder months, we usually have soup or some variation of chili once a week. Sometimes the kids will have breakfast for dinner or sandwiches while my husband and I eat a salad with protein. It’s far from the standards I used to have and would like to return to someday to when I would luxuriously cook from cookbooks while sipping wine, but every phase of life is different, and I occasionally still find time for that. 🙂 I remember as a kid eating a TV dinner before activities at times or getting frequent takeout, like Boston Market, even though my mom is a great cook. We’re all doing the best we can and I just remind myself that fed is best, however that’s accomplished.
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Love all of this Shelley! I said in a comment above too, but we had a lot of meals out when I was a teen (and I also recall eating frozen fish sticks or quick grilled cheese sandwiches sometimes too!, and I feel like I experienced zero negative repercussions from that at all. In fact, I have fond memories of those days. So I think you’re right- all of those details really probably do not matter in the big picture! I also am not above quick rice, frozen veggies, etc.
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Love all of this Shelley! I said in a comment above too, but we had a lot of meals out when I was a teen (and I also recall eating frozen fish sticks or quick grilled cheese sandwiches sometimes too!, and I feel like I experienced zero negative repercussions from that at all. In fact, I have fond memories of those days. So I think you’re right- all of those details really probably do not matter in the big picture! I also am not above quick rice, frozen veggies, etc.
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This just popped up on my feed and I thought of this post and all the great responses! https://wendyrobinson.substack.com/p/fixing-dinner
Mostly just a commiseration but it had some good ideas.
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[Long time reader, first time commenting from the Netherlands]
While I have not read all the comments – but I hope for inspiration – I feel your pain as well: family of 4 with 2 kids under 12, 6-7 dinners per week (take-out once per week/ten days), mainly vegetarian. Leftovers is not a problem, but (especially for popular meals) I cannot make enough for having leftovers for another full meal.
I just cannot muster up the energy to plan for 1-2 weeks (and also at least parts of the shopping list). We usually make it through 2-3 days with a plan and then just try to come up with something based on what we have at home.
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Hi and welcome! 🙂 I’m dying to visit the Netherlands. 🙂 I am glad to know I’m not alone in having a hard time planning for longer term! I think we just have too many unknowns in our lives to really make that work. I would say we are the same as you in that we’re good for a few days, and after that it gets tricky….
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