I’m a little cranky today. I wish I had the rest of the week off now, but I don’t yet.
Why am I cranky? No particular reason really, but here are some musings that have been rolling around in my head.
Reason #1:
In general, I think I’m just feeling drained. Things are fine, and I hate to whine. But I just feel a little off.
Pondering this this morning, I think that sometimes I underestimate the cumulative effect of low-level stress. Maybe stress isn’t exactly the right word. But… friction, maybe? Or stumbling blocks? No, those aren’t right either. Ongoing, grating, little bumps in a smooth road? A persistent pebble in your shoe?
I think CHARLIE has been more challenging than I’ve sort of accounted for and allowed myself to admit. He’s doing great. Things are generally going super well, and he’s getting easier by the day. I love him like crazy.
But he’s still been a HUGE shake up in my life. I feel almost tethered to the house, I always have to think about him, our schedule, if he’s been out, who’s watching him, etc etc. I can’t just, say, drop Asher at school and then quick run an errand, because “that’s the time of day Charlie needs to be out/ walk/ etc before I put him in his crate while I work”. Everything basically revolves around him. (Do I overthink all of this/ worry too much? Probably.)
He has also really affected my ability to go to the gym whenever I want. (Which currently, would ideally be on a break during my work day.)
But I can’t go to the gym AND give Charlie a sufficient exercise/ lunch break (so that he’ll then sleep/ be quiet the rest of the time while I work…). It seems to be a one or the other thing right now. And this makes me crabby, because I feel restricted.
This then has meant pushing the gym to evenings, and it is dark and cold and I just don’t wanna most of the time. I’m just tired of thinking about my schedule, period. It’s like this annoying nagging thing I’m always trying to work around. Balancing work + kids + dinner + Charlie + exercise + Christmas + everything else….
Sometimes it works ok but more often than not I feel like I’m trying to pound a square peg into a round hole.
Reason #2:
Also, I’ve been dumb and have found myself comparing certain things in my life to people (not any one person, just “people” in general that I know) in specific ways, despite the fact they often have completely different situations.
I’ve probably talked about this before, but I can’t remember, so I’ll say it again.
For example:
I will wonder how other people have time to just relax all weekend and never seem to do many household chores. (They have a cleaning person.)
I will wonder how someone is able to split all the evening household duties with their spouse. (Their husband gets home at 3-4 p.m., or WFH, versus my husband who gets home after 6 most days.)
I wonder how someone has time to get all sorts of errands done during the week or is wrapping Christmas presents at noon on a Thursday. (They work part-time.)
I wonder how someone else never has to worry about cooking…. (They have a stay-at-home husband who cooks, or hired help who does it for them.)
I wonder how someone else never has to drive kids to school or to many activities. (They have, again, a stay-at-home husband or their partner has a very flexible/WFH schedule, or, hired help.)
I wonder how someone else can exercise in the morning while I can’t seem to. (Their kids have different start times and/or different general schedules!)
I wonder how someone never seems to have anything going on in the evenings. (Their kids aren’t in any activities.)
I wonder how someone has time to do XYZ activity (say, cook or bake elaborate meals, or make handmade Christmas gifts for teachers, or Fill in the Blank whatever). (They are a Stay at Home Mom, or they choose to do fewer other activities (like exercise) to make time for these things.)
I wonder how someone doesn’t seem busy or rushed during the holidays in the same way I often feel. (They choose to not decorate their house, or they do much more minimal traditions.)
I wonder how someone can read so much! (They don’t have kids. Or have a very different lifestyle than I do.)
I wonder how someone can have soooo much time off from work, or the ability to travel constantly. (They apparently have a very different job set up than I do.)
I wonder how someone can so freely do or have XYZ very expensive thing. (They make way, way more money than I do, or sometimes, have family money.)
I wonder how someone never seems particularly stressed or busy, but I feel like there’s always so much to do. (They have hired help.)
Anyway, you get the idea. *Please note that none of these examples are about any particular person! These are just random thoughts that I’ll have from time to time, about all different people.
(For example, one of my real-life friends is a dentist and only works Monday-Wednesday. So occasionally when I’m chatting with her at a swim meet, I’ll think, how is she so chill just being away at a swim meet all weekend and never comments that she has stuff to do or seems overwhelmed at all? And then I’ll realize- oh yeah. Duh. She had off Thursday and Friday! She got her groceries and did her appointments and errands then, I’m sure. Etc.)
Also, not saying that any one of these fictional people “has it better than I do” or that my life is bad or anything of the sort. NO. I am very happy overall and I love my life. Besides, I am sure that every single person faces their own challenges- some probably worse than any of my own. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. And, I wouldn’t doubt that there are people who look at my life and wonder some of these same things.
I just think I am not good at realizing that it’s truly not feasible to “do it all”, and when you look more closely, there is usually some sort of logical explanation for how someone is apparently “doing it all”. (See above.) Something’s usually got to give. (Or someone else is filling in the gaps.)
But I struggle sometimes with figuring out what needs to give, I guess, or accepting that I’m going to just have to let certain things go. 🙂
Okay! On that happy note, MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!! hahaha. Just kidding.
Let’s close out with a couple funny pics of Charlie, being left (gasp!) alone in the car for 30 seconds while I pumped gas. 😂
“Um, this is not okay. WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?!?! I am very concerned. I will watch you closely just to make sure you pump that gas correctly. Also, don’t even think about walking away from this car.” lol.
*Update coming tomorrow about my Christmas Challenge! But this post is more than long enough for one day.
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful that my “problems” are really super lame. I keep hearing about this story of 4 siblings who were just killed in a crash by a drunk driver this week in Wisconsin…. it really makes my own worries melt away. I can’t even THINK about what those parents are going through. Can’t even go there. It’s just so awful.
GRATEFUL KAE 
That is horrifying on the car crash. So sad. 😦
I feel you on reason #2. I feel like the holidays is a time when a lot of that comparison comes up for me. I don’t have social media anymore, so that helps, but I find myself getting REALLY jealous of people who have easy relationships with their parents/extended families.
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Ha! Ditto. I am jealous of people who have uncomplicated relationships with their normal, financially and mentally stable relatives 😉
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I can understand that!! That’s probably an area that people might feel I am definitely lucky (and I am!) because I do have a wonderful relationship with my parents. I sometimes forget that not everyone does, honestly, and I probably take it for granted at times. I’m so sorry you don’t have that. 😢💕
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As you talk about having Charlie, it reminded me of the mental capacity of pumping/feeding a baby. A low level stress/something you cannot stop thinking about for any amount of time because you are tethered to the pump or child and constantly thinking about and anticipating the future hours. Good luck! Also good reminder on different circumstances for everyone. Another one to add – some people simply care less about things (aka cleaning, working out, etc.) so something I always think about and remind myself that I can make the choices.
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Yes that mental burden of parenting in general but especially that pumping/feeding burden is extra tough because it cannot be delegated! lol! And the schedule aspect of it can be very stressful.
And I think that’s part of my issue- I “care” (or I tell myself I care) about too many different things I think. And that’s not possible. I love the Lazy Genius approach to deciding what things really matter and letting go of the rest. Probably deep down I could identify which areas I REALLY care about and could probably cut some others. I should work on that. 🙂
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Oh Charlie! such a cutie pie! And I can totally understand how his insertion into your life has thrown things out of order. It’s so hard to make a change — even a GOOD change! — and have it completely recalibrate your schedule. I know you will find a new rhythm, and/or he will get older and not be quite as demanding, but it’s definitely tough to be in the middle of it.
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Good change can still be hard- you’re totally right!!! He’s getting easier already but I wish he could be left in the house alone/be unattended from time to time! It would make things so much easier! I just get tired of someone having to have eyes on him constantly… (usually me since I’m home the most…).
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The dog thing. I mean, it’s a thing. I joke that my hobbies are my dog and reading. She needs to be walked three times a day (about a half hour each time), so that’s 1.5 of my non-walking hours actively doing dog-related chores. Sure, my husband COULD walk the dog, but let’s be real. He’s not going to. That doesn’t even take into account training, feeding, grooming, etc. We have to schedule around making sure the dog gets walks, so there’s no going to the bar after work for drinks because someone has to walk the dog. Hannah’s a GOOD dog, but it’s still a lot. Sometimes I want to just sleep in on a weekend day, but I can’t because someone has to walk the dog!
And dogs complicate travel planning. They complicate people visiting you. They complicate everything. The demands ease as they are no longer puppies, but they are still there. They are wonderful and bring such great happiness and cheer to life, but they are A Thing.
I also often exercise right after work/in the evenings. I don’t know how morning people do it!
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Yep, I’m seeing how they are complicated!! As far as puppies go I really think we’ve actually been quite lucky, in that he house trained so easily (basically from the time we got him!) and he has been a great sleeper, etc. But the constant watching him and the chewing on shoes or stealing things, etc gets exhausting!! I really hope one day he can just be home alone and roam at least part of the house without getting into mischief. 😉
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Oh, that WILL definitely happen. Hannah does not get into things at all. She’s too lazy and well-cared for! We leave her alone (I mean, with the cat who DOES get into things she’s not supposed to) for hours every day. He won’t be an impulsive puppy forever!
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You are the best dog mom!
I already said it in my text to you 🙂 , but for anyone else reading – I feel like your feelings are so normal AND it’s part of human tendency to compare. You are choosing the most enviable aspect of multiple people but truthfully the situation where allllll of those things exist (lots of free flexible time, both partners work great hours and everyone home for dinner, kids aren’t busy, high earners) is going to be very rare if not impossible.
Also I love that your kids (and my kids) are relatively busy. They are active, learning, social, and enjoying it – how awesome! If mine weren’t I’d be envious of those that were probably just bc I think it’s so nice for kids to do lots of stuff outside of school.
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Aww thanks!! And you’re absolutely right that it’s pretty rare (if not impossible!) for one person to have ALL those things. I think that’s where I get tripped up because for some reason I expect that I should or something?! Or should at least be trying to? Which is ridiculous!
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So many thoughts and we’ve chatted about this before offline…but yes. It is hard to not compare. I think that jealousy also has a place. It can help us identify what things we might want to change. For example, maybe hiring a cleaning person WOULD be a good investment for you 1-2 times a month even (I had someone help for a short time period and I honestly found is stressful and more work so I clean our house and do 90% of it myself – I care more + my husband is just away so often it’s hard to delegate).
Caring less is hard, but I have to let some things go. I feel this way about exercise right now.
I do not have a pet, but I could not cope with a dog I don’t think. I already feel like having two kids is A LOT. These people with five kids and multiple pets. I just do not understand how they function! But Charlie is the cutest thing ever and I know you love him so much. BUT IT ALSO DOESN’T MAKE YOU A BAD ‘DOG MOM” to talk about how hard it is and the downsides. It’s the same as parenting. A net joy and delight…but exhausting and there ARE some negatives. Thanks for keeping it real.
I hope you find lots of rest and balance in 2024. Text any time you might want to vent XoXo
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Good points! I will admit I can be guilty of complaining or stressing about something but then not necessarily being willing to make any actual change that could “change” the situation! That’s probably worth thinking about for me.
Ivan is a lot more pragmatic about many things. When I start going on about frustrations or running out of hours in the day, etc, he will just matter of factly say something like, “well obviously all of that won’t fit. That’s impossible”. Haha. Whereas I twist and turn trying to figure out if I just plan better or try to be super effective, maybe I can somehow magically do all these things… When really the answer is probably just to remove some things (or some expectations from myself).
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Oh, and excellent quote about parenting being a net joy and delight, but also exhausting and with some negatives!! Spot on!!! Same with dog ownership. 🙂
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This may not be a festive post but it’s an honest and important one. I think that we all underestimate and write off low level stress, and then get overwhelmed. I know I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. Most days I’m happy and peppy but every once in a while the edge comes out and I’m just like I cannot hardly even.
I can only laugh at #2…yes if only we would just someone to clean our home and manage every other aspect of our lives we’d have it so much easier. As it is this is NOT the season of life with a spotlessly clean house and gourmet meals on the table every night.
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Yep, sometimes it’s like the little simmering pot that just kind of bubbles over all of a sudden. And then I’m usually fine again and it’s like, ok, what was that all about?! haha.
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If you wonder good. Positive day. If you wonder bad, your mind wanders into a forest without a path.
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The comparison trap is very real so I totally understand all of these thoughts! That’s a big reason why I’m not on social media. I know it’s not such a comparison trap for you but it was for me. Like Elisabeth said above, I think that what we envy in others can help us figure out what changes we might need to make. Although sometimes you can’t make changes in your life – like you have a dog and I have young kids. We want them and love them but they do make things complicated and make it harder to do things like workout! You were totally surprised by this dog. It’s kind of like someone dropped an infant off with you and you didn’t have those 9 months to mentally prepare for the change. And you can totally love Charlie and still feel a bit put out for how he’s changed your life! A lot of the time instead of feeling envy for others, I feel bad about myself. Like I think about SHU getting up at like 4:30 to work out or you going to gym at like 8pm at night and think – ‘what is wrong with you? If others can get up early or workout late if that is what it takes, why can’t you do that, too?’ So I am trying to learn to be gentler to myself and not expect that I can do everything. And I remind myself it won’t always be like this. I’m in a season of life with very little kids and very little freedom. You are in a season of life with very busy kids and a puppy and very little freedom. It won’t always be like this for either of us, though. I mean, I will be in this stage of life for far longer but I also had many years of freedom in my 20s and 30s where I did exactly as I pleased.
All that is to say that it’s ok to feel like this. Sometimes you have to rant a bit and give into these feelings!
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I love what you said, Lisa! I, too, am jealous of people who are in love with exercise 😉
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I don’t love the evening workouts either and I think that has been a bit of a source of stress for me! It’s like they just don’t really fit in well right now, period, because every part of my day seems to be spoken for generally. Except the early morning, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do that!! And that’s also annoying me, because I USED to workout super early, years back…. so why can’t I now?!?! (Although, the boys’ schedule has actually shifted earlier now which makes even the early morning window that much harder now… if I want to see them at all before school, it’s very early. Ethan LEAVES by 7!)
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Yes an early start to the day makes things very tricky. That’s why morning workouts don’t work for me as ideally we all need to leave by 7, too. And I just don’t have it in me to get up at 5. I fear I would run myself into the ground as I am tired enough as it is. I do think age can play a factor in this, too. In my early 30s when I was single and living alone, I would get up at 5 to workout. But my nights were completely free to do with as I pleased. That is no longer the case and the time between work and bedtime can be as exhausting as a full day of work. 😉 This is why parenting is a young man’s game…. 😉 At your current age, I was up all hours of the night nursing a tiny baby. Life played out as it did and I don’t regret it but being an old mom to young kids is extra tiring or at least feels extra tiring!
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Ohh a wonderful, truthful post! A much needed one. I am a minimalist when it comes to Christmas and whatever other winter holidays, but even me, I was like “I am ready for January…” The buildup is just too great and then we have that black hole at the end when all the holidays are over. Also, I often wonder what it is like to have a cleaner/home manager/cook to help around the house. Similar to others above, not on social media, and no planning to come back, like, ever.
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It really seems like “everyone” gets pretty frazzled this time of year! Collectively, it makes me wonder what should be done about this! Doesn’t seem to be exactly working for anyone. Yet, we all also…. like this season?? (which I do!) Haha. It’s confusing.
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I read this last night and wasn’t sure if I should comment, but I was still thinking about it this morning so… I wanted to say, I really appreciate you sharing this post. I very much relate to it. I work on reframing my thoughts about comparison, but sometimes that reframing feels mentally exhausting and the feelings just want to be acknowledged. ( though not overly indulged. Not saying you are, but that is another trap I find myself trying to avoid). I hope you are feeling better today having gotten it off your chest. And if the feelings are still there, know you aren’t alone feeling this way.
Also, I hear you about the puppies. They are exhausting. We got a GSP who started mellowing around 2yrs old. She is 3 now. When we got her, it very much felt like having a baby again. Now I realize, as with babies, the days are long but the years are short with puppies. 😁
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Thanks for the thoughtful comment! I do know what you mean about trying to reframe and be positive and then also feeling like that can get exhausting. Sometimes certain things or stages are just kind of hard and there isn’t a whole lot to be done about it!
Charlie is generally I think a really good puppy! At least compared to some of the ones I read about in the puppy Facebook group I’m in, lol. But he still just requires a lot of attention and I think for me that whole schedule piece is something I find really draining. I was so glad my kids are old enough to stay home alone now and basically self-sufficient, and now Charlie is like that 3rd baby! Haha. But I know it will get easier with time (there’s already a huge difference from a month or so ago).
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I agree with Megan; I think some people simply care more about things. You are a high achiever or have high expectations of yourself and are trying to go up a level to compete with those who get more done or do it faster etc. than you, but there are many people who can just let that kind of stuff go. We always spend the holidays with my aunt and I find cobwebs in her house all the time. However, she has decided that it is more important to spend the time together rather than dust frantically before we come (and isn’t that a losing battle most of the time anyway?). If it were me, I would have to make sure things were perfect for people coming over, but she is able to ignore that or let that go and just be happy to be around everyone. I sometimes wish I could adopt that mindset!
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Excellent point. Yes, definitely partly a personality thing. Some people are better at letting certain things go. Makes me think of this one friend I had growing up whose house was always a literal DISASTER! The mom didn’t even bat an eye when people would come over and she’d have just stuff everywhere and total disarray. I would die! But she just carried on and didn’t even worry about it at all. Not sure which way is the right way- there probably isn’t one. But it is interesting to ponder.
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This reminds me a little of the year my daughter was two. She was SO DIFFICULT, and to be honest my life kind of sucked. But I couldn’t even admit that to myself, because it sounded so mean. So I just dealt with constant stress/unhappiness while feeling guilty that I wasn’t happy- I mean I had waited six years to have my second kid, it was what I wanted all along, why was I so miserable? I know you’re not “miserable” exactly, but it’s kind of gradually dawning on you that your life is… frustrating… but you obviously love Charlie like crazy and wouldn’t change anything. I get it! Just like dealing with a toddler (a very, very difficult toddler, I might add) this time will pass.
So about the comparison thing… yes. I notice all those same things. I think most people are giving up SOMETHING- they work less (so they have more free time but less money) or their kids don’t do as many activities, etc. And some people do have a spouse that’s able to help out more, or parents who live nearby. One thing that helps me is to ask myself, “Would I REALLY want that person’s life?” In spite of all the things that sound really great, I still wouldn’t change my life for theirs.
I like this post because it is a little pre-Festivus airing of the grievances! We all need a little of that now and then. I can tell it resonated with people from the extensive and thoughtful comments.
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So when did your feisty 2 year old settle down? Asking for a friend… 😉
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I guess most good things have that flip side. Kids are a perfect example. Haha!! And yes, I am definitely not miserable, but it’s just minor irritations I guess that build up and cumulate and then end up feeling heavier than maybe they really should or need to.
“Pre-Festivus airing of the grievances” is perfectly said! And now, I have logged off my work computer for the next 2 weeks and should be able to at least decompress from normal schedules and routines for a while, so, things are looking up! 🙂
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Meanwhile, me, zooming in on the dog pic: “Wow. I wonder how she keeps her car so clean…” Comparison is totally normal and I think you nailed it that there is always some kind of trade off.
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HAHA!! Too funny! 🙂 (The answer: a) it’s a new car, so more highly motivated right now to keep it nice. b) the kids are older and don’t eat in my car nearly as much anymore as when little. c) I work from home and don’t currently spend THAT much time in my car anymore, either!) 😉
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I can understand your feelings about Charlie… as much as you wanted a dog, I am sure it has completely turned your life/schedule upside down.
I can also relate about your thoughts about other people. I have many of them, believe me (although I am probably one of the people think about when they say “why does she have time to work out so much in the morning”, or why doesn’t she always get nice and relaxing weekends?” (although they don’t always feel nice and relaxing to me, believe me)… oh, because she doesn’t have kids, or because she works from home, etc.
I think it’s normal to compare and try to understand how others organize their lives.
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