First, thank you to all those who commented about my teen driving dilemma on my last post. I really appreciated hearing from others on this!!!
A couple last things on this topic that I maybe didn’t emphasize, just to clarify:
1) The biggest issue for me (BESIDES the whole legality thing) is this particular route. I would not have an issue (again, leaving aside the legality piece for a moment- which is not trivial at all, but still) if it were a matter of him riding here in town, on little local streets. But I feel strongly that this multiple-interstate-roads drive is just simply not for beginners!!
2) I also am not saying I will never let Ethan ride with other teens. I know I definitely will. But I think we need to feel our way on this one. Day 1 with a license?? Maybe that’s a ride a few blocks away to Culver’s for a sundae. NOT hopping on the interstate at 75 mph and driving for 30 minutes in rush hour traffic. You know? It’s like trust, to me. It has to be earned! Little by little, as the smaller routes go well, we can slowly expand, as experience and confidence increase. This kind of feels like a 5 year old removing the bike training wheels and then…. joining in the Tour de France race the next day. LOL. Nope!
3) Also, something I didn’t mention: When I was 15 years old, a group of 6 of my high school classmates went out one night in a parent’s van, with a 16-year-old at the wheel. They were in a horrific accident, and 3 of them died. A 4th (the driver) was left permanently brain damaged. These were friends and families I had known for years, some since elementary school, and it was terribly traumatic. Anyway, that’s not something you easily forget, I guess.
On THAT happy note, lol, how about a few non-teen-driving related misc. updates??
Asher is off to Florida!
I dropped him off at the high school by 5:45 and they loaded into a bus headed for O’Hare.
Sounds like the trip down went smoothly!
He’s been away to camps before, so this isn’t new. But I do think this is the first time he’s been in another state/ so far away from us! (Well, besides when Ivan and I have been away.)
It seems it will be a great exercise in independence. He and his friend are staying in a huge dorm/ apartment style place- it looks amazing! They have a kitchen, living room, separate bedrooms, and two bathrooms! WOW is it nicer than my college dorm!!! hahaha. (And about 5x the size.)
The team already stopped at Target yesterday for a snacks/breakfast food and other supplies run, so he and his friend wandered around alone with a cart. He texted me a pic of his cart and it looked… mostly good. Haha. I just responded, “Ok, just keep an eye on the prices and pay attention to what things cost!!” I’m not sure if he really realizes that like, one larger box of Cheez-Its is probably at least $5 now. As we all know too well, it’s pretty easy to rack up a hefty grocery bill.
He has his own debit card which makes this all extra easy. His allowance gets directly deposited there each week, so he has a good balance, but I transferred some extra for “trip spending money” yesterday too.
(Side topic: Teen Debit Cards)
We got the boys each a Capital One Money card years ago now- maybe when they were like 9 or 10. It’s been GREAT and I’m so so so glad we did this. Has made it so easy for them to go places without us and pay for things as needed (e.g out with a friend’s family, or like when they went to a baseball game with school and needed to buy lunch!).
Or, the main reason we got it years ago: so they could spend their own money when out places with us, since otherwise they never had their cash along when they randomly wanted something…I was tired of the, “Can you buy me this and I’ll pay you back?? thing.
AND we no longer have to attempt to keep cash on hand to pay out their “allowance”. (Which, is still only $5 a week and has been for years- we have not kept up with inflation. LOL. Oh well. They get plenty of extra perks, like, oh I don’t know, we pay their electric bill and buy them food and new shoes and take them on vacations. 😉 ) In exchange, they clean bathrooms and their bedrooms and cut the grass and take the garbage out and sometimes begrudgingly clean out and vacuum our van. (They did this on Tuesday and did a very nice job, surprisingly!)
It helps that I do not worry at all about either boy going crazy and buying expensive things irresponsibly. They know they can buy an ice cream or smaller things, but for any larger purchase, they always discuss with us. (We can see all transactions and/or turn the card off from the Cap One app too.) They are both very hesitant anyway to “spend” because they don’t like to see their balance go down!!
Up until recently, I kept their cards in my wallet so they could only use them if I was there, or special situations. But now they usually just hang onto them in their own wallets. Ivan did also help Ethan open a regular checking account and got him a regular debit card now that he has a job, too, so he doesn’t really use the Cap One card much anymore. Next up, we need to get him a credit card! Never too young to start building great credit and to learn to use them well!!
The boys started summer golf lessons
I bought the boys a package of semi-private golf lessons for this summer. We (Ivan and I) do not golf. But the boys are very interested in improving their golf game. They’ve been out with my dad several times before and they like to frequent the driving range. They also have done some group lessons in previous summers here and there.
They went for their first lesson on Wednesday and seems like it went great! I didn’t really watch because I was busy with work stuff. I just sat on the clubhouse patio with my laptop.
We spent an extra $3 to get pink/purple hamster bedding….
Before Asher left for FL, I told him he had to clean Summer’s cage. We were low on bedding, so after the golf lesson we stopped to pick some up.
Well, the “big bag” (best value, I guess), of the regular boring grey stuff was I think $36.99. (Jeesh, that feels expensive for our little tiny pet…). The pink and purple bedding, same size, was $39.99. Asher wanted to get her the pretty bedding. HA. I do not think she will notice…. but I went along with it, because, well, it was kind of cute.
We bought food too and our total bill was $50!! I also had just ordered some treats/food online recently as well. I sometimes make Asher help pay for her supplies- it’s his pet, after all. I’ve been footing the bill for a while though, so I told him I was going to transfer 20 bucks from his debit card to my account this time. He wasn’t thrilled but said ok. Hey, pets have a cost, bud. He has built up a good amount of $ from odd jobs + allowance + gifts etc but yet sometimes seems to think he never has to spend any of it on anything besides… fun stuff. Sorry, false. 😉
The U.S. National Team played Mexico in soccer last night.
Ethan was super excited to watch and wore a new USA jersey that we got him recently. Of course, Ivan was rooting for Mexico. I do not actually know who won because I went to bed in the middle of it. lol. But USA was up 2-0 the last I saw.
Something I saw and liked, re: HABITS and IDENTITY.
Of all the “habit forming” advice out there, this is the one that resonates with me the most… I really think it’s true. In order for a habit to really stick, it has to be more than sheer willpower all the time and white-knuckling it/ constantly trying to resist temptation.
You are someone who walks/runs every day. You are someone who simply prefers nutritious foods. You are someone who is a reader. You are someone who keeps her floors tidy. Or whatever.
Okay, that is more than enough for one day! I guess when I don’t have time to post as regularly, I build up lots of things I want to say! Happy Friday, all. 🙂
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for getting in to see a chiropractor about my back issues this week! Hopeful it will help. Had the initial consult on Tuesday and I go back today.
GRATEFUL KAE 
Oof, first off – the tragic car accident. Gosh that is so awful. I can see why teen driving is extra sensitive for you. I grew up in a super rural area and there were not rules about non-siblings in the car. Once my parents were comfortable with my driving, I drove myself to piano lessons in Fargo which was an hour away. But it was a very easy drive, even in the city of Fargo. Lessons were on Saturday morning, so no traffic to speak of/no challenging changes from one interstate to another, etc. Basically night and day from driving in Minneapolis. I was also an EXTRA responsible, mature kid. Eventually I could bring friends with. I’d drop them off at the mall, go to my lessons, and then we’d spend the rest of the day together before driving home. I was also allowed to drive to the State basketball tournaments in Bismarck during my junior and senior year in HS, which meant we got our own hotel room. I am kind of shocked, in retrospect, that my parents let me have that amount of freedom! I remember I took our good ‘ol bag cell phone with me. But I can’t imagine letting my teen and 4 friends rent a hotel room. I’m not sure how we were allowed to check in? I think you have to be 21 to rent a hotel room now and hotels are pretty particular about it. I guess that was a different life time!
Your approach to spending/using a debit card makes total sense! I got a checking account when I was 15 I think? My parents eventually added me to one of their credit cards, too. I never had an allowance though. But I would use my own judgment on when to use my checking account v when to use their credit card. Again – I was a super responsible kind of atypical teen, though… We haven’t discussed an allowance for the boys yet. Phil got an allowance so I imagine that’s the route we’ll take.
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Good luck with the back stuff! I had issues a couple of years ago and it reminds me to always be doing my deadlifts and dead rows, which seems to alleviate it! And cat/cows and bird dogs! Strength training is always the first thing I forget when I get busy.
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When I was a high school, there were student deaths in car accidents, too. At least one every year. It was one reason my father was so adamant that I never been a car with a teen driver. I get it! I also get your nervousness about 12. It can be very busy at times! I think that as long as Ethan’s cool with you driving (and you’re cool with it!), rock on. (Also, the being against the law is a dealbreaker for me! Until the probationary period is over, this isn’t even a discussion. LOL.)
The pink and purple bedding is SO CUTE! I’m sure she appreciates how lovely her home is!
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What a tragic accident. I think it’s natural to have such apprehension.
I really like the infographic (?) about habits. I saved it on my phone -maybe it can help me with exercising. A sleepaway camp sounds wonderful, and your teeny tiny hamster is so, so cute.
Also- thank you for sharing about the checking account and card. Filing it for later (5 years? 😉
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this is funny, we both went to chiropractor this week? I just wrote about my realization of my hip soreness lately and got it fixed with the chiropractor as it was evident that my pelvic was rotated. hope you get it fixed too. my doctor says that I should have a medium term plan to strengthen the muscles around that area to prevent it rotating, so I don’t have to go back every few weeks to get it fixed.
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Haha yes! I just read your post too and saw that. Sounds like in my case I have scoliosis or a curved spine, so for me it’s not a matter of strengthening the muscle, it’s more about the adjustments and loosening the joints I guess. He said it may not be 100% fixable due to my curved spine, but he thinks it should be able to be greatly improved. I have to go 2x/ week for the next few months! Good luck with your hip issues!!
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Okay, I love love love this graphic about intention becoming who you are. I really appreciate and value the tips that you share here about habit building — thank you for this one, too. I’m going to add it to my list of “how to become more consistent at the things I prioritize.”
The pink and purple bedding is adorable. Totally worth an extra $3.
And I love hearing about your kids’ debit cards. My husband and I have been considering getting one for my daughter but I am a little hesitant. I am not sure how she would keep track of it (she is not the greatest at keeping things in a specific place) and I am a little concerned she would go on a big buying spree. But maybe that’s a lesson she will have to learn a couple of times for it to sink in? I don’t know.
Also, I wanted to say that I can see how a trauma like losing classmates in a car accident would really inform your own decisions. Of course it would affect your thinking and behavior. This is your child, and you need to do what’s right for him independent of what other people think and do. You are a wonderful mom and you are doing the right thing. But I am also sorry you went through that loss in high school, and that it has lingering echoes in your life.
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I’m glad you find the little tidbits helpful!! I always figure it can’t hurt to share- different things resonate with different people. 🙂 And thank you for the support and the kind words about the driving/parenting stuff!
For the debit card, what we did at first was I just kept them in my wallet all the time. So the boys could only use it WITH me, for a long time. But at least if we randomly were out somewhere and they decided they wanted to buy, I don’t know, a pack of Pokemon cards, we had a way for them to use THEIR money. Otherwise their cash was always at home, which was fine if we knew we were going to make a special trip out to buy something, but we often found ourselves in more spontaneous situations where then they didn’t have their money along. So then either I’d just always end up buying it, or, they’d ask me to loan them the money and they’d “pay me back”… which then we’d forget… Anyway, it was great having the debit cards! And now that they’re older it definitely comes in handy. I love the ability to transfer money back and forth from my checking account to their card’s account with a click on the app. (It’s a Capital One card but you can link it to other accounts for transfers- our checking account is from a separate bank.)
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I absolutely agree with you – the 30 min away part was what really decided the “NO” about the teen driver situation for me. It would have been a different thing if they were just going somewhere in town, but highways (multiple highways!) are stressful as is, even more so for a new driver with friends in the car.
I think it’s great that Ethan and Asher have their own debit cards to handle their allowances. In a day and age, where paying with cash is becoming less and less common, it’s good for them to learn and practice how to handle finances with a card.
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Exactly! The highway thing is the major dealbreaker for me!
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I tried to leave a comment before but it somehow got lost (almost for sure something I did- I only bring it up in case I end up leaving two.) Just in case,
I’ll be brief! First of all, it’s funny how frugal the kids suddenly become when
they’re spending their own money. And, having bee through that traumatic experience, it’s no surprise that you’re nervous about a teenage driver. And you should be! Driving on the expressway is dangerous, especially for a new driver. That’s a terrible story about the kids who died- that would really shek the community.
My son has kept a scheduled time for reading every day this summer because he told me he wants to “be a person who reads.” Yes, he read Atomic Habits too!
I’m glad you got the pretty bedding- life is too short for gray!
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Oh I LOVE that your son wants to be a “reader”! That’s so awesome!! My kids both were such huge readers for a long time and lately it has really dropped off and I’m sad/worried/confused about it… It went from something they did constantly on their own without me ever needing to even tell them to, to me now having to remind them “have you read today??” etc. I am so upset! But I am hoping it’s just sort of a normal developmental dip and that they will circle back to it… at least that’s what a friend with an older son said, anyway. Her son is in college and she said he also fell away from it some during those teen years but now is reading for pleasure a lot more again.. I just am trying to keep them doing it so it remains a habit, I guess. I know they do like it, but I guess it’s like the same thing that happens to adults- too many other pulls for our attention, from phones, to friends, to online stuff…
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