Helloooo! Sorry for the unexpected absence. I didn’t actually go anywhere, I just abruptly fell off a metaphorical cliff basically the moment I hit “publish” last Thursday morning. Yes, just as soon I touted my great success at sticking to my workout plan, breezing through the end of school chaos, etc. in my last post. 😩
Isn’t that always the way?
On Friday Ivan got home from CA, which was nice, but then the rest of the weekend sort of derailed into me trying to play catch up on a bunch of things that I had been neglecting for a while…which then led to me in turn neglecting basically everything else (including my workouts) for… the next 4 days. (Got back in the saddle yesterday though, so all good now.)
I also kind of spiraled into just a bit of a funk, and I was feeling just generally stressed out and kind of overwhelmed and short-tempered across the board. I did not appreciate my Apple Watch chastising me for “being off track” a few times, either. Ha.
On Sunday I felt a little better, but then Ivan and I ended up going out ALL afternoon to do some shopping and errands that we really needed to take care of. The kids stayed home and did Lord-knows-what all day…. we were literally gone from like, 12-7 at least. OH WELL. It was a productive day on the whole, but I don’t really like being gone all day on Sunday if I can help it. I always feel like I’m starting the week out behind the 8 ball.
I was just not in the mood to blog really, either. This is a great place to vent from time to time, but come on- no one really wants to hear me whine about my non-problem problems, I’m sure. 😉 Anyway, Asher leaves for Florida on Thursday morning, and (sorry Asher) but I’m kind of looking forward to temporarily being down 1 child!! Haha. ONLY because this means 50% less driving people around and just one less person to worry about for a few days!!! And, I know he will be in excellent hands and will have an absolute blast.
Advice Request: Especially from parents of teen drivers
Also, I’m in need of some advice. Or maybe not even advice, since I’ve already made a decision, but I guess I’m just requesting… comments.
So. I’ll try to keep this brief, and anonymous.
If you had planned to participate in a carpool (with 3 other parents/families) to your hypothetical child’s school (25 minutes away), would you allow your child to ride in the car with a newly-turned 16 year old driver…. who just got their driver’s license 2 days ago?
Keeping in mind the following important information:
- the driver has had a permit for only 6 months so far and is literally a brand new driver. Like, has only driven alone/without a parent for the last ~24 hours at this point.
- this “carpool” would involve having FOUR kids (including Ethan) + the 16 year-old driver in the car…. which technically breaks our state’s law of “only the driver + siblings + one non-family member can be in the car” (the driver’s parent said “they are ok with breaking that rule”, even though it could mean a ticket for the driver and extension of their probationary license, if caught… )….
- this particular driving route to school involves a major interstate (think 70-80 mph speeds with lots of traffic, semi-trucks, etc.), plus another very busy highway that is notorious for major traffic and lots of accidents. (In my opinion, it’s a drive for advanced drivers. Let’s just say, when I drive this route, I’m always very alert/ moderately tense at times.)
I have been in a real mental pickle the last week or so over this. My “carpool” of 3 other families has dissolved into…. just me. Because the older sibling in one family just got his license (literally yesterday), and all the other parents are apparently okay with him taking over all the driving to/from school going forward. (He’s in the summer class too, so he has to go, anyway.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?!
I am sorry, but I am SO not comfortable with that idea. For so many reasons. See above, but primarily: 1) inexperience!! 2) too much responsibility on a young kid! He would have the lives of 4 other kids in his hands. 3) It’s um, breaking the law… ? And, I feel this sends a terrible message to the kids if we the parents say we would be okay with that! I mean, what other laws don’t we need to follow, then? Speed limit? Seat belt? Drinking age???! I don’t want Ethan to think that when he gets his license next year that he can just pile other kids in the car and disregard the graduated driver’s license rules.
Today I just received text confirmation that yes, indeed, the other families are fine with this plan and seemed grateful to have time back in their schedules/ to not have to drive anymore.
I, on the other hand, am now going to have be The Mom who won’t let her kid ride in the teen car, and, I am now The Mom that as a result has to drive her kid back and forth on her own 30 minutes every day because I apparently no longer have a carpool comprised of experienced, adult drivers (as I thought I was going to have).
I will admit that I can be a little bit of a self-doubter/ questioner at times…. I mean, I feel very strongly that I am NOT comfortable with this, and Ivan agrees with me. But part of me started wondering if I’m overthinking/ overreacting/ worrying too much…. ? Am I the “worrier mom”?? Am I being over-protective?
I don’t think so, though. This is my CHILD we are talking about! There could not be higher stakes or more precious cargo.
Ughhhh. I do not like this whole situation.
I know I have to stick to my guns and do what feels right to me, regardless of what other families might choose. It made me think of the old country song “You’ve Got to Stand for Something” by Aaron Tippin.
You’ve got to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything… You’ve got to be your own man, not a puppet on a string…. Never compromise what’s right, and uphold your family name… you’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything….
Link to song/video here.
Tell me what you think. Bonus points if you have a teen driver.
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for getting my teeth cleaned today! I grumble about having to fit in dentist appts, but it does feel nice to have cleaned up teeth. 🙂
GRATEFUL KAE 
It’s impossible to protect my kids from everything so I consider the most dangerous things and let everything else slide. My (admittedly fairly little) kids climb, hike, mountain bike and do lots of things other people think of as dangerous. Kids need a little danger to learn their limits. BUT of the things that are most likely to kill a kid- cars are at the top of the list. We talk about safety in and around cars all the time. I’m 100% on your side.
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Yes, I agree! Hard as it is, we can’t protect them from everything, and I do realize my kids WILL have to drive, too, even though the idea is nerve-wracking. But I think we can at least do what we can to mitigate the inherent risks that come with teens + driving… like, following the rules, slowly EASING into the more difficult highway speed drives independently, etc… In our case, Ethan has never even ridden in a car with a non-adult driver EVER yet, like not even here in town anywhere for short rides, etc. So the idea of him just jumping onto the interstate is just too much for me I think!
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I have two teen drivers and live close enough near you that I know the highways…NO WAY would I allow that carpool situation. That’s a big responsibility for any teenager, let alone one with two days of a license! My oldest is almost 17 and we let her drive friends now but we’ve watched her become experienced on the highways. We live literally a half mile from the high school so have been lenient at times about the extra passenger laws for occasional rides back/forth between there but I really agree with you that I want to role model law-abiding choices for my kids, especially teens!
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Yeah I would potentially feel different about occasionally bending the extra passenger law IF it were maybe short, quick rides here in town, etc. in very low-risk situations. That feels very different to me than a 30 minute interstate drive!! And this makes me feel better since I’m sure you do know the highways I mean!
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Even though I have no teen, I agree with McKenzie.
As for the rest – sounds like you NEEDED the wallowing time and you should not feel bad about it!! a LOT going on, and hey – the workouts aren’t going anywhere. You’ll be able to pick right back where you left off. Sometimes a few days of wallowing can be therapeutic and you get a rainbow after the storm! And maybe – like me – this will be the stimulus you needed to simplify summer goals.
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Yep, I feel like simplifying is very necessary over here this summer, especially given that my sister + fam will be around for most of July (not with us the whole time, but in and out) and that will definitely throw more wrenches into any typical routines. Although I simultaneously don’t like the idea I tell myself of always trying to “wait out this busy season”, because I feel like the next season is always equally busy/ crazy but just in a different way!!
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I don’t have teenagers, but OMG- I remember what a terrible new driver I was and no, I would definitely not want my kids riding with a new driver (which I realize is easy to say now as they are 1 and 3!). I think what you said about setting a precedent of being okay with breaking the law is so important!
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When I started driving, I lived in a pretty low-key suburban area with mostly just easy local roads, etc. So it wasn’t really so bad because there were no high speeds or busy highways necessary. Where we live now, our direct town is pretty small/ easy, but to get to any surrounding area (necessary for this school drive), almost everything requires highway speeds and busier roads! So that feels like a huge difference to me, compared to how I started out. It feels like a whole other ballgame….
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Absolutely not. Full stop. For all the reasons you listed and more.
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Thanks for the comment and the solidarity!!!
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I don’t have teenagers*, but I work at a high school and many of my friends have children getting their licenses. I see this age group in action a lot. Oh, heck no, I would not be okay with this combo of circumstances.
*My soon to turn 11 year old has been asking us to teach him to drive, I have no idea where this idea came from but it has also been a hard no.
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Haha, that’s too funny about your almost 11 year old wanting to drive! OH BOY! 😉
This particular 16 year old IS a very nice, responsible kid- not your stereotypical “16 year old crazy boy” or anything. So I am sure he will do very well, but still- no matter how you slice it he is highly inexperienced!! No matter how cautious or responsible he is, he just hasn’t had enough drive time yet, IMO!
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That is a really tough situation. I don’t have teens but think many have felt that pressure – of peers, convenience, and parenting culture. It sounds like you’ve thought it through so it isn’t just an emotional/fear response. Like others, I’d say go with your gut, too. Another perspective I can see is that you may not have much more time with Ethan at home, would the drive actually be really great time together? Especially during HS years. And would there potentially be other car pool options in the future- like at semester change?
Just gotta do the next right thing.
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Yes, we may have some different carpool options for the fall with some other people. Right now we are in this short term issue with this summer pre-training for fall sports class thing.
And yes, there could be some perks to the time with Ethan for sure. Also, he will get his temporary license of his own later this summer, so at some point, we will want HIM to drive (with us in the car- and we would likely take the longer, city-street route for a long time, not the interstate right away, for sure!!). If we are always carpooling, well, obviously we can’t him drive with his temps with others in the car.
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Oh my goodness, absolutely not! You’d spend the entire time tracking them on find my phone and biting your fingernails.
People are bananas… you shouldn’t feel like you’re overreacting, this is an objectively bad idea bear.
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Honestly I cannot wrap my head around how all THREE of these other families seem totally fine with this!! I’m scratching my head like, ok, am I missing something over here?!?! I’ve run this scenario now by a bunch of blog friends AND a good number of real life friends and the overwhelming consensus seems to be that people do not think this is a good plan. So I don’t even know what to say.
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I wonder if the other families are all so desperate for driving help they have said they’re fine with it… although would highly prefer not to do it?? It sounds like you know them fairly well, so this might not be true (and, if it were, you saying “no” would open the door to them doing the same more easily…).
I can’t understand how no one shares your concern, other than having work schedules that aren’t conducive to a hour+ trip every day (there/back/drop offs). I have younger kids and already don’t understand how so many families can make the demands of erratic summer schedules work (I think WAY more people than I realize have a reduced hour/super flexible/remote position)…
Good luck navigating this- I think you are making a thoughtful and smart decision for your family!
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I have thoughts!
First of all, the law in your state seems to go with a no, full stop. I wouldn’t because it’s illegal and it does sound challenging for a new driver, what with the interstates. BUT.
Is this for next fall? Or for the rest of June? Because three months of practice does really make a difference for new drivers. I say this as the mother of two teen BOY drivers. Is it once a week or every day? I’m still leaning to the “it’s illegal” thing, but these things do make a difference.
Listen, I do know exactly what it feels like to know your kid is out in a motor vehicle by himself. It is nerve wracking for sure. My sons used to text me when they got somewhere because I was worried. But then, the more they drove, I felt better. Now they actually drive me everywhere if they are available. My older son was the first in his friend group to get his license so he drove with friends a lot (it is not illegal to do so here) and when he first got his license, he drove my minivan full of kids. (not ideal, but not illegal).
I GET IT. It’s super hard to go with the flow on this one because it seems so high risk. But what I do when I’m in these situations is remember what *I* did at their age, and what I did was drive here there and everywhere with all my friends.
Again, go with your gut. If you feel like this isn’t right, then you are going to have to go with it because you’ll be constantly stressed. However, teens are going to drive, and for the most part, they do just fine. I hope I’m being clear here, because I always side with the legal solution – so this doesn’t seem tenable – but also, I am just saying, that at first thinking about your kids in someone else’s car or even your own car is terrifying, but IT GETS BETTER.
tl; dr, I would probably try to find another carpool if possible. I wouldn’t do this for the reasons you mentioned. But I want to tell you that it’s going to be okay. Teens driving is scary at first but it gets so much better.
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Thanks for all the thoughts!! I really appreciate your input. And I can see how it’s one of those areas of life that seems SO terrifying when they first start, but slowly, slowly, you get more comfortable with it. I think the big thing in this case for me is the particular driving route. If it were a matter of him driving him here locally in town 3 miles away, that would seem different. (Excluding the legality issue for a moment.) But the long drive, with the high speeds, etc. I think is the absolute deal breaker for me.
The current issue is for this summer- now through end of July, for a summer strength class. The issue will likely continue into the fall once school starts, but we may have some expanded carpool options in the fall. And things will get all shaken up with people in different sports, etc. so different pick up times and stuff. I’ll have to cross that bridge later. I’m not saying I don’t think that I would NEVER let him ride with this kid, eventually, but I just feel like… Day 1 with license… or even Month 1 with license… is a lot! Again, it really comes back to this challenging/ busy drive I think for me. (+ the legal issue and the example that sets, too.)
It is reassuring that you say it gets better though! I remember when the boys were really little thinking I would never be able to let them walk home alone from school (the elementary school) because it just seemed so far. Well, fast forward ~5 years and they walked home all the time and I never really worried at all!! Once they got older they matured and grew into it. So, I’m hopeful driving will be the same… but it just seems so scary!
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I do not have a teen driver. I found Nicole’s comment to be very soothing, but then again I have a feeling that any child of Nicole’s is going to be a remarkably special, caring, thoughtful kind of person, and I’m not sure if every child fits that standard.
My immediate gut reaction is NO. This is a new driver, driving on an advanced route. And four kids in a car can provide a ton of distractions. I remember how giggly and stupid I used to be in a car with my friends!
I think you have to rely on your gut. Maybe — hopefully — it will all be okay. But like you said, this is your child and you need to do what you feel is right to protect him. I would do the exact same thing.
I like Nicole’s suggestion of just leaning on the illegality, because “not doing illegal things” seems like a pretty easy stand to take! I am SO surprised that everyone else in the carpool is okay with this. Do they all have older kids who have already gone through the driving thing?
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Oh I know what you mean about the giggly/ squirrely behaviors! Fortunately, in this case, the 16 year old is VERY responsible, calm, a super nice kid. And the others who will be in the car are also really chill, calm boys too. Honestly I am 99.9% certain they will just all sit there and play a game on their phones. haha. I can think of some other boys we know/ friends who are more of your stereotypical rambunctious boys and I already shudder at the thought of some of them driving a car… ha. But in this case, no matter how nice and responsible, I still just come back to the inexperience. And the difficult driving route. AND the legality issue!! I can’t figure out how the other parents are just like, oh yeah, no problem! Only one of the families has (much) older kids. In the other families, this new teen driver is the oldest, and in the other family their oldest is also 16/ about to get her license… So, no! Not exactly like they have a bunch of 18-20 year olds and they are just all comfy with the whole thing. MAYBE because their oldest kids have been driving these last several months (with temp license/ with parents) and doing well, so they have a different perspective from me, who is just barely entering into this phase (Ethan will get his temporary license next month!! So I’m still in the “kind of scared shitless by all of this” phase. Haha.)
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I tried to comment on my phone last night but it must not have gone through! I’d be a firm no on this. The rule about non-siblings in the car exists for a reason. This was not always a rule so surely the data shows that more accidents happen when groups of teens are in the car together, especially with a new driver. Ivan seems like Phil and is very pragmatic and willing to (respectfully) disagree with you if he truly sees things differently. So the fact that Ivan also thinks this is not a good idea means you should stand your ground on this. It is hard to be the parent who is more cautious/more of a rule follower. My parents were the same way and said we can always blame them/make them the bad guys. Like “gosh my parents are so lame, they won’t let me break this rule about the # of non-siblings in a car w/ a new driver.”
Hopefully this makes you laugh a bit. I am familiar with that song, but I think I sang it, “not a puppy on a string.” Lol. I am KNOWN for getting lyrics wrong. There was this Taylor Swift song that was popular when Phil and I were dating. The lyrics were “got a long list of ex lovers” but I sang it “got a lovely starbucks lover.” One day Phil was like – that CANNOT POSSIBLY BE RIGHT. So he had me play it again and listened closely so he could figure out what the actual lyrics are. Hopefully this makes you smile or laugh a bit. Because parenting is very stressful and we need some moments of levity. 🙂
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I also thought that song said “Starbucks lover” and did not really question it. I mean, some people love Starbucks!
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Hahaha, too funny about the song lyrics!! Honestly, sometimes they are SO hard to actually understand!
And yes, I know it isn’t fun, but sometimes I think as parents it is okay to say, go ahead, blame me. I think deep down maybe kids sometimes even do understand…. in this case Ethan even seems to find the traffic on this particular route intimidating/ has made some comments about being apprehensive about him ever driving it! So I do think he sees my point of view and he really hasn’t pushed back at all on this so far. I’m also not saying I will “never” let him go with a teen driver, ever, but just this particular situation with this particular route + the BRAND new driver + the legality issue feels like a big no.
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Hey Kae, sorry to hear this. Plenty have weighed in, but I wouldn’t let him. It seems like the probationary period (when you have only 1 person in the car) could be extended if you get just one ticket. (Reference https://wisconsindot.gov/pages/dmv/teen-driver/yr-frst-lcns/drivrlic.aspx).
And then you wouldn’t have a ride anyway. I don’t know when I goes in but maybe have him do the morning shift and you could do the afternoon (with a nice podcast playing in the car)? Or ask DG if you could pay AG to bring him one way?
L is doing lessons virtually one at a time, and is pretty hard to motivate, and I am sitting in with all lessons with her (Obliger much???) to keep her on task. I wish anything I would’ve done the classroom in person like you. Isaac gets super-Jiminy Cricket about rules, so I know if he were E, he wouldn’t want to do it.
Hope you catch up on everything and get back to feeling your old self!
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Hi! Thanks for commenting. I was actually planning to reach out to you directly to get your take on it as well, being someone with a kid in the similar age range etc. I did ask my cousin (who is a police officer in WI) about this and he definitely said the kids can (and do) get ticketed if they get caught, and their probationary license would get extended. Also, he said they wouldn’t let the teen driver leave then with all the extra kids in the car, so they’d have to all call their parents to come pick them up. lol.
This issue for now is mostly relevant for summer… I’m going to cross the fall bridge in a little while. Ha. It is possible that Ivan can drive in the mornings- he doesn’t start work til later but we talked about maybe him getting a cheap gym membership somewhere over that way and going in early, working out and then heading to work. Or something. The p.m. we will have to sort out. It will be ever-changing too with sports practices vs regular end time… I do not mind doing some driving, of course. We knew we’d have some of that! But I’m hopeful we can work out at least some carpool days. There are I think at least 9 kids from old school going there, but I just don’t really know the other families well (yet!! On my list to get to know them 😉 ). Hopefully we can connect and they may be in need of/ interested in some additional carpooling.
The AG idea is a good one too potentially. Also, E will have his temps next year, so maybe we will actually prefer to drive him ourselves sometimes so he can practice! (Albeit maybe the city streets route for a while…).
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This driving thing really shocks me. We lived in a state with the same rule and I literally knew no one who broke it. I’m sure some people did, but the people I knew were happy for the law (for safety reasons) but also because it gave parents a very easy way to say no to teen drivers.
I did let my then 14/15 yr old ride with teen drivers to baseball games. I hated it, but also felt like we had no choice if was going to play. And he was the only passenger in the car.
He got his license just for a little bit before we moved to Europe, and he did drive one other baseball player to games and I didn’t like that either. But it all turned out ok. Honestly, one thing I love about Europe is not having to worry about teen drivers. We will be moving back to the US when my younger 3 are in 8th, 10th, and 11th grade so I will have to navigate it again.
Statistically, teens are most likely to be involved in an accident the first year of driving, so maybe after the teen has been driving for a year you could re-evaluate?
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Yes, I am definitely planning to re-evaluate as time goes on. I certainly am not saying I will NEVER let my kids ride with a teen driver…. but this immediate thing feels.. not right! My son is actually the oldest of his friends going to this school, so he will be the 1st one (not counting the older siblings) to actually get his license. That will open a whole other can of worms that I’m not even ready to think about! (When will we even let HIM do the drive (on the highway/interstate) to school? Can he drive a friend, etc?) All in all though I agree that I do not think the rule should be broken. That just feels wrong to me. I had always assumed that everyone followed it, so to hear these other parents so casually ignoring it really shocked me! I have talked to other friends though and I do not think that blatantly ignoring it as the “norm”. Seems like it kind of depends on the family.
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My two cents. Respectfully, hell to the no.
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Haha, amen!!
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I have an interesting perspective on this, despite not having children/teens. We lived in a very rural area with no public transit when I was a teen. I was awfully isolated and my father had a no riding with teen drivers rule, so that meant I was frequently waiting to either use the pay phone (remember those days? lol) or for one of my parents to come get me at extracurricular events. Because of this, I rarely did extracurricular events. It sucked, it made me a bit of an outcast, and to be super honest with you, some of my favorite high school memories are when I broke the “no teen drivers” rule and told my parents that a parent was driving.
We did live in the middle of nowhere, but people drove fast and recklessly on those country roads and there were multiple accidents with student deaths at my school while I attended, so I don’t think my parents were wrong to have this rule. I really don’t. But. I missed out on a lot of experiences because I couldn’t get rides. (My parents were shift workers working opposite shifts – him day, her night – and shared one car, so there wasn’t always a parent available to take me places. They did their best, but you know how it goes sometimes.)
I think you can probably get away with saying no teen drivers while the teen drivers are still under their probationary period and it’s against the law. But I would spend some time considering what will happen once they have their “full” license. Will it be allowed as long as they don’t get on the Beltline? As long as it’s just to and from school/game? At what point will you be comfortable allowing it? I don’t know what the right answer is. I have a lot of conflicted feelings about how it went down when I was in high school, but I think you’re going to find that drive extremely annoying quickly!
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So, I hear you. And I definitely am not saying I will NEVER let Ethan ride with other teen drivers. I just feel really strongly that this interstate/ beltline drive is …. pretty scary! And not one that a brand new driver should maybe even be doing, period (alone or with others).
I would feel really different about it all if it were a matter if him riding just across town to the local high school, via city streets at 25-35 mph mostly. I’m fine with that (well, barring the legality issue). But in terms of the safety issue, I mean, it’s still not zero risk, obviously, but it’s never zero risk, even if I’m driving him! So I would be okay with it overall if it were just a little local drive.
It’s this particular interstate drive I think that is the big thing for me. I think if it were say an upper classman or a more experienced driver I would also feel differently about it. I realize at some point you have to just sort of let go and hope for the best, basically! I am sure that once Ethan gets his license next summer I will allow him to drive with a friend in the car- but I think I’m going to expect him to respect the law and follow the rules during the graduated period. Ethan is also the oldest of his friends, so the “no ride” thing just likely won’t be an issue- he will be able to drive before everyone else!
Fortunately, in this summer driving situation, he doesn’t seem bothered by it at all. Actually, he seems to mostly understand my viewpoint. He sees the traffic on the interstate/ beltline and I think it actually intimidates him at this point yet. I know many of my other friends with older kids will have their kids go like the back route/ city streets to get to the west side, even ones that have kids who have had their license for ~1 year! I think with time, yes, they’ll have to drive that route and will get used to it… but probably not Day 1!! There was also a terrible accident when I was 16 at my school with 6 of my classmates in a van and 3 ended up dead and 1 severely brain damaged for life. It was very traumatic, as you can imagine! So I also may be slightly more nervous than typical, but, given this route/ the drive, I don’t think I’m off base overall on this one. (Although I guess these other parents wouldn’t agree with me! haha.)
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I definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable to let my kid to drive with other teens. maybe I’ll feel comfortable to let her drive while me or daddy is in the car, but with other teens? things can go wild and crazy. stick to your guts and be that mom.
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Parent of a 16 year old here. I literally AM the parent who took a stand against allowing my son to drive to practice with a teen with a learners permit (against our state laws). My son was embarrassed, but I told him I would not allow him to ride in a car that breaks state laws. Because of this, the school had to provide a bus to practice for a team with “just” 6 kids on the bus. I did not care because I would not break the law and set that example for my kids. It was NOT an easy choice, but one I felt was the correct one for us. I was pretty nervous sending that email request to the school. We are a new family to the school and it was tough to be signaling out my kids for what I thought was right. Fast forward a year – of the 6 families affected, 4 of them have thanked me for taking a stand and admitted they were not comfortable with it but felt they “had” to go along with the plan – including the family of the teen who would be driving and breaking the law. It was not easy, but in the end was much less of a big deal than I expected, once SOMEONE (me) took a stand. So – go for it. I try to always parent from a perspective of if the worst happened, would I feel that we did everything we could have and it’s up to God or would I live with guilt and regret forever. Some things are out of our control. Others really are not out of our control and as parents we need to show our kids the difference.
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Wow, I love this comment!! Thank you! Yes, we have to do what the right thing is, no matter if it’s hard or not sometimes! That’s cool that the other families thanked you for being the one to stand up. I agree it just feels super wrong to like, actively encourage our kids to break the law!!! I also agree that in this case, my gut/instinct was NO, and if I had sort of caved to the “peer pressure”/ just going along with what others are doing, and god forbid something happened, I would never get over it. Again, I’m not saying I will never let him ride with other teens- but there is a drastic difference between day 1 and a year or two of experience under the belt.
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Wow, a lot of people feel very strongly about this! I have to admit, as a rule follower and knowing the kid has only been able to drive alone in the car for less than a day, my initial gut reaction was NO. However, I am actually with NGS on this in the aspect of the fact that I also grew up in a rural area and missed out on a lot by not having a car (and I also had to use a payphone!) and so there must be a middle ground of some sort. My Dad’s rule (and I HATED it when I was 16! Hated it) was that he had to meet the person I was going to be in the car with, see a copy of their insurance (I am not even kidding), make sure they had seatbelts and all safety measures. He was “that” Dad and the guys in my life, because usually this is what it was, were terrified of him.
So. Maybe you could take a ride with this kid yourself, go back and forth with him a couple of times to see how he does, and then let Ethan go with him once a week or something once you are comfortable? And if you are still not comfortable, then no is the answer. The only thing is, I do agree that the rules are the rules and they are there for a reason, so maybe that is just the answer, hard or not. How long does the rule last that you can’t be in the car with anyone except your siblings/family?
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Hahaha, that’s too funny about your Dad. Well, I know it was not funny for you at the time. But you know what I mean. 😉
I am not saying I won’t ever let him ride with friends (well, A friend, I guess, since that’s what the law allows). But the graduated license isn’t forever, and I am sure I’ll let him go with others when it’s allowed. The big thing here is this particular drive. It’s interstate/ traffic/ etc. As I commented above, I would be fine with him riding around in town, local streets, etc. But this is a 30 minute drive on BIG roads with much higher stakes, in my opinion. My one friend with a 17 year old said she still hasn’t let her son drive those particular highways on his own yet, and he’s had his license almost a year! So I think the idea of a brand new driver on day 1 going out and driving this route, period, not even counting the other kids in the car/legality thing is… kinda crazy to me!! But to each their own, I guess…
I think the limited driving requirements are in effect for the first 9 months after getting the license.
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My non-parental response: ABSOLUTELY NEVER would I have my kid ride in a car with a 16-year old new driver to a place 30 min away!!
Are these other parents NUTS???
Also, I feel you on the “derailment”… there just needs to be one crazy day to completely derail a whole week and you need to play catch up for days. NOT FUN.
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Egads. I imagine you’ve made your decision at this point, and if you chose not to let Ethan ride along with the teenager, I’m completely down with that. A 16 year old on the beltline? Hard no. I HATE that road. Hate. It. The idea of a new driver being on that road is terrifying. Hope it all worked out okay.
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