Hello hello! Yet again, a whole week slipped by and I didn’t make it on here.
Honestly it was a WEEK. I feel like this week gave me emotional whiplash. We had some low lows (see below), some high highs (our Milwaukee Brewers won the World Series!!!!) and life did its other usual life-ing (I got sick with a bad cold for several days and also got very bogged down by a huge work project that kept spilling over into non-work time…). As the backdrop to it all was the most picture-perfect October Wisconsin weather you can imagine, with trees all at their glorious peak, although I wasn’t really able to enjoy it nearly enough.
The big thing that kicked it all off was Ethan’s playoff soccer game last Saturday, October 24th.
His team has had an amazing season. Playoffs started last Thursday (10/22), where they easily won. Saturday’s game was the Regional Finals, an important steppingstone on the way to eventually making it to State, but still early in the playoffs.
They were playing against the #8 seed; Ethan’s team was the #1 seed in the bracket! Going in, I think the boys were very confident. They had watched film of the other team and there was really no comparison in terms of overall skill. Also, 8 seed vs 1 seed….
I didn’t know a thing about the other team, but based on what I was hearing, I also went in “confident”, as in, it literally never crossed my mind that this could be Ethan’s last ever game. I mean, the other playoff games were already on the calendar for the next week. His team was a huge favorite to make it to State this year in the division.
Long story short: It was a disaster game.
The other team was not actually very good, and Ethan’s team controlled the ball basically the entire game. (If you know soccer, you know what I mean- the ball very rarely ever passed onto the side of the field approaching our goalie.)
However, it seemed like the opposing coach’s strategy was to essentially have the ENTIRE team (including the offensive players) just park themselves in front of the goal to prevent a goal. Ethan’s team took countless shots but just could not get past the ten defenders, basically. The opponents had no real offensive game at all, but at least they were preventing goals from being scored.
And then, on this one lucky breakaway, the other team somehow managed to score!! I couldn’t believe it. They literally took I think 2 shots in the entire game, but thanks to a little error from one of our defenders, the ball slipped in. 😩
On top of it all, the other team was so obnoxious. I have been to sooooooo many youth soccer games, and these parents/fans were the loudest and most annoying people I’ve ever witnessed, I think. They were just really bad sports, too. Think booing the ref at times, shouting inappropriate stuff at our players, mocking one of our players who was fouled as “acting”…I kept shaking my head in disbelief.
In fairness, our boys also didn’t play their usual game. They looked weirdly flat. I’m not sure if they went in over-confident, or if the insanely loud opponent fans shook them up (it was on our home field, but their fans were louder…), or if it was just an off day. That’s sports, I guess. You never know.
As it was getting close to the end and we were still down 0-1, it dawned on me: This is it. We’re going to lose, and I will never get to see Ethan play soccer ever again.
I just teared up again typing that.
It’s not that I didn’t know the end was coming. Either they would have lost at a different playoff game this week, or at State; either way, I knew he had a max of 2 weeks left in his soccer career.
But I was just not mentally prepared for it be Saturday. AT ALL. For whatever reason, it hadn’t even crossed my mind!
I was overwhelmed with heartbreak for Ethan, who I KNEW had to be hurting so bad out there, seeing the game and their State chances slip away. And for his whole team. It was a major upset and a major shock. This was not how the season was supposed to end.
And then, as the cherry on top, as the final whistle blew and our players collapsed on the ground in despair, there was an unprovoked incident that resulted in an opponent getting a post-game red card and the paramedics being called to take one of our players to the hospital for evaluation!!! The game literally could not have ended any worse. (Meanwhile, the other team was jumping around and cheering and posing for photos on the other end of the field while our kid was being carted off on a stretcher…. it was just so bad. Like, have some class, people!)
I just couldn’t stop thinking, I’ll never see Ethan play soccer again! (Which isn’t necessarily even true- I mean, he could play club in college, he could play rec leagues, etc. But in my mind, in that moment- THIS WAS IT.)
The end of my soccer mom era, over. After allllllll those years, all those games, all those tournaments, all those PRACTICES… poof, just like that, done.
This may sound overdramatic to some of you. It’s just youth soccer, and I know it’s just a game… but it was such a big part of our lives.
I think, too, deeper than that, it’s like I’m suddenly grieving the end of Ethan’s childhood. His 18th birthday, the last first day of school, the senior photoshoot…. none of that really hit me. But this hit me!!
Soon, very soon, he will go off in the world, and I’ll never get these days back. He’ll probably never live here full time again. This whole “stage of life” for us will end. Which is the point of life- to move on, grow up, carry the memories with you, become your own person. And new and fun exciting things await! I’m excited to see where he ends up for college, what he ends up deciding to study or do with his life, how the rest of his life unfolds. I love the wonderful young man he’s growing into.
But I’ve also loved these years with my little family all here together, spending our weekends at soccer games and swim meets and grumbling about yet another practice pick up, but also loving the car chats and the crazy schedules and watching them play (even in the rain and sleet and snow) and just…everything. Soon it will all end for good and I can’t turn the clock back. That makes me sad. And also, so happy that it all happened.
I’m grateful that Ethan had a really, really awesome Senior season, though (well, up until the last game!). They had a 7-0 Conference record, and Ethan ended up being the lead goal scorer on his team throughout regular season and started every game. He has a magical, natural touch on the ball that can’t be learned; it’s hard to explain but is amazing to watch. I think he was just born with it! He was always a very good soccer player throughout the years, but he grew into a truly GREAT soccer player this year. It was so cool and fun to watch. 🙂
Here’s a look back at his soccer journey. 💕⚽
Where it started:
Little Ethan just starting out at about 3 years old!
Pure glee:
Back when BOTH boys played… (Asher quit a few years ago now to focus on other things.)
Soccer camps were a staple activity every summer…
We always had an easy gift idea for him. 🙂
So many memories with friends and teammates- between goofing around between games, meals out, and celebrations.
It was always fun to win.
But sometimes you lose.
No matter what, he always had lots of fans!
We spent a lot of time…. (and money….😵💫) at away games and tournaments.
We put a lot of miles on our cars.
Soccer has played a role in our free time, too. I suspect this part won’t end. 😉
Messi!!!
At Wembley Stadium in London watching England’s National Team:
Lots of World Cup watching during our family vacation this summer. This was so fun!!
He even did some crazy things, like bleaching his hair for last year’s playoffs… 😅
He formed special bonds with his teammates. They learned life lessons, through the ups and downs, together.
But by far, my favorite memories are of WATCHING HIM PLAY! 💕
I know, I know, we’re supposed to do this:
I do love that advice. It’s the right perspective!
A week ago, I wasn’t ready to embrace that at all. I needed some time to process. I didn’t feel grateful, I just felt sad.
Truthfully, I’m still not fully there; I think we’re still processing. Just yesterday, Ethan and I were talking about the final game again, and Ethan said, “Ugh, I think I need to just let it go.” I get it- it’s hard!
But we’re getting there, and as I scrolled back through all these photos, I absolutely did smile. 🙂 I remembered alllll those moments, and I definitely felt grateful! So, so grateful.
I know people have differing opinions about club level youth sports, the time commitment, the expense. “What’s the point?! Your kid isn’t going pro! It’s so much money and time away from other family activities.” Obviously, each family has to make the choice that’s right for them – there isn’t one right answer.
But I can say now, on the other end of it- for us, we made the right choice! I have NO REGRETS.
It IS a beautiful game, and it has brought so much joy to our family. 💕
I’m so incredibly proud of you, Ethan. I have loved every single minute of watching you play!!
#soccermom4life⚽💙⚽💙⚽💙
