On friends (in low places)

Eek, guess what?! Last night I impulsively bought a ticket to see Garth Brooks at Summerfest (aka “The World’s Largest Music Festival) in Milwaukee on June 16! BY MYSELF! haha.

I am a huge 90s country fan and I love love love Garth Brooks’ music. I listened to it so much in high school.

Unfortunately, Ivan is not a country fan (this may shock you, but Garth Brooks music was not huge in Mexico City when he was growing up. 😅).

I couldn’t really think of anyone else who would want to go with me, minus one country-loving friend who was not available, or my sister, who I absolutely would have LOVED to do this with, but she lives very far away.

Ivan “could” have just come along, but he like, really does not like country, and the tickets aren’t cheap. I don’t need his negative country energy ruining my time. 😝

I decided, you know what, this is a bucket list thing for me. Garth is in his 60s now- who knows how long he’ll tour or if I’ll get the chance again. I don’t need someone with me; I just want to experience this and sing along and I can do that alone! 🙂

I will admit I had a little moment of pause, though, where I realized: I really don’t have very many friends. (*This is the part of the post where I try to not sound totally sad and pathetic…..).

I am not entirely sure why this is.

I feel, very strongly?!, that I am a very nice, kind person who is fun to be around and I am a good friend! So I don’t *think* it’s that people don’t like me. (Oh God, I hope that’s not it?!?!?! 😅)

Growing up, I had a very tight knit group of 6 friends, including 2 best friends from 4th grade on that I was with constantly for years and years. Somehow, though, we mostly drifted apart after high school; we’ve stayed in touch a bit, but it’s more like, birthday texts and Christmas cards. I did see them each once in the last few years, but I never sense a real interest or effort on their part in rekindling an ACTUAL friendship. I don’t think it’s ill-intentioned at all, I think they’re just busy with their own lives in other places.

I never really found “my people” in college. Maybe in part because of a regrettable long-term boyfriend at the time… 🙄 ugh. Definitely one of my life’s biggest regrets- this seriously detracted from my college experience. I didn’t get as involved in campus life and activities as I should have. I did make some friends, of course, but none that I truly clicked with for the long haul. Oh well, can’t change the past.

Once I met Ivan, we got married and then had kids all relatively quickly and life became a blur of working long nursing shifts and little kids.

The thing is, not having many friends has never been that big of a deal to me. I’m naturally introverted (though also super talkative, so I actually think I’m an extroverted introvert?). I genuinely like a lot of time alone.

I think I have a few anxious tendencies, too, around new people. I’m great with people, but I also kind of have a fear of “awkwardness”. So I might not be inclined to like, invite an acquaintance to do something, because what if it ends up being awkward??

When the kids were younger, trying to make and cultivate friendships felt like yet another thing to do. It does take time and effort to maintain friendships.

My ‘social cup’ always felt pretty maxed out by so much non-stop interaction with people at work (nurses AND patients), seeing my parents a lot, my kids!, and a lot of time spent with Ivan’s family. I never felt socially lacking, if that makes sense, so I didn’t seek out friendships on top of it. (Seriously, one time, years back, Asher said to me, “Mom, how does it feel to know your best friends are your parents??” 😏 lol. (hey, that’s not a bad thing… ok, maybe slightly pathetic, but could be worse. 😆)

I do KNOW a lot of people. I always say, I have a lot of close acquaintances! Soccer, swim, school, the gym, etc. I have no shortage of people in my phone that I could text or engage with on Facebook (lol.. I know…). I’m friendly, good at small talk, and I’m great at chatting up almost anyone I run into. I also have work friends, volleyball friends, etc.

But that is not the same as having someone who would drop everything and join me for a concert in another city. Or even friends that I regularly see for dinner, outings, etc. Or just the type of friends I can be completely myself around and tell anything!

I am a bit envious of people who have those very robust, deep friend circles, those close close friends, you know, like, Mary Anne hopping a red eye flight to get to Wanda without batting an eye. (Dixie Chicks? Any Goodbye Earl fans in the house? 😅)

HOWEVER, I have to say, blogging has been such a gift to me. I’ve been so blessed to meet some of my best and closest current friends through blogging. You know who you are. 💕 I’m so grateful for it. It’s been a reminder that my people are out there, I just wasn’t stumbling across them where I am physically.

Annnnnd, with that, I’m way over my 500 words 😂 (of course I am), so I’ll stop there.

Can’t wait for my solo concert outing next month!! 🙂 I may not actually have a lot of friends in low places, but I will sing along and pretend I do. 😁

Tell me about your experience with friendships! I’m so curious if anyone else is in my same boat.

Daily Gratitude:

I am grateful for snagging those concert tickets. 🙂

P.S. This felt like a vulnerable post to write!