Realizing now yesterday’s post was probably a bit hasty, as I quickly pounded it out and hit publish without editing. Looking back, it’s a little all over the place and dramatic and also sort of angsty sounding. ha. Ah, well.
First, thanks to those who wrote supportive comments. 💗
You are all correct. I am often guilty of setting unrealistic expectations.
A few clarifications:
1. In that “ideal” week, the cardio and yoga sessions are only 15-20 minutes each. Also, the upper body workouts are usually shorter, so my thought was those days would have ~40 min strength + 20 cardio = 60 min. I do feel like 60 minutes of daily exercise is not necessarily exaggerated, but also, it’s true that I struggle to fit that in many days.
The thing with exercise, too, is that no matter how you slice it, there is lead up and cool down time. I live SUPER close to my gym, but it STILL seems to take me ~15 minutes to change, gather my things and get over there. That transition time (on both ends) is real, too, and can’t be ignored!
2. I am not actually consistently doing all 9 of those workouts, lest anyone be overly impressed. I’d say recent averages have been more like ~3 strength + ~2 cardio. Maybe.
3. I do feel that I technically “have” the time to fit these workouts in, but in response to Coco, I think I actually just don’t want it bad enough. And maybe that’s okay.
However, if someone said they’d pay me $4 million to hit my workouts 100% each week, I know I could easily fit these workouts in. I work from home and I don’t formally start work until close to 8:30 a.m. (though I often do a bit early in the morning too).
The issue is more that I don’t want to give up other things in my schedule. The boys’ staggered schedules complicate things, as does the dog, other life stuff, and even my desire to just sit and read + drink tea + plan my day vs heading out to the gym in the 05:00 hour! On the weekends there legitimately are many conflicts, but I could go in the morning before the day gets started- I just choose not to or do other things. Or, as I explained yesterday, my energy is just not always there when I have the space in my day to exercise…
Not saying any of this is bad, it’s just also true.
4. I actually do love lifting weights, though! In reality, what I really want is to be able to calmly go to the gym at say, 10 a.m., for a relaxed, not-rushed, not watching-the-clock workout. Haha. I think it boils down to there are too many things I want to/ have to do and the “Tetris game” feeling of scheduling my life makes me crazy and then something has to give. I think what I want is to be retired!! 🤣
5. I will admit I am also influenced by other people. A lot of my friends (in real life and blog friends) are hard core exercisers and/or extremely dedicated! I also sometimes listen to fitness podcasts where this is very much the norm. I think I naturally tend toward thinking, “Well if they do it, then I should be able to, too!” And I probably could. But the truth is, we do NOT all have the same 24 hours in a day. The things on one’s plate (“day”) can vary wildly, as can the level of support someone has or even how work/ school schedules line up, what time a spouse leaves for work or gets home, who is making dinner or walking the dog or driving the kids, what time work starts, etc. People also have different energies. If your actual schedule does not naturally align with your peak energy time for exercise, well, that can complicate things in a way it might not for someone else.
Anyway, this is all good stuff to work through for me. I really do appreciate people’s comments!
At the end of the day, exercise is important to me. I probably just need to scale back the expectations a bit, to find a more “happy medium” that is attainable yet feels satisfying. I do think part of my angst right now is the feeling of “failing”. I am sure that if I set the bar a bit lower, but actually HIT all of my workouts, I’d likely feel WAY better about it all!
Thanks as always for listening and helping me think through this! 💗
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for so many thoughtful people who took the time to share thoughts, encouragement and ideas. You guys are the best.
GRATEFUL KAE 
I think lowering the bar is the right approach. Like maybe expect 3 strength and 2 cardio and then if you are consistently doing that, you can add something back.
I think some of this comes down to having the right benchmark. I think a lot about benchmarks since it’s how our portfolio managers are measured. If you are comparing yourself to someone who doesn’t work full time or doesn’t have kids with very busy schedules or prioritizing workouts over connecting with their husband over nachos, then it’s not a fair comparison. They would fall short of you if they compared their hours work, time spent shuttling kids places, or time with their partner. But they aren’t prioritizing that (perhaps). I know we have 168 hours but 9 workouts (most of which require showering after) is a lot for one week! If you want to feel better about yourself, you could compare yourself to me. Ha. I try to get 3 workouts in when my RA is flaring. If I get a 4th – great! 5, 7 or 9 is out of the question.
I also wonder if some of this is related to entering middle age. I think we are more prone to exhaustion with sleep interruptions and such. I know I am very tired but that is probably partly due to my RA. But I have had to prioritize rest in a way I didn’t in my 20-30s.
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@Lisa So many people come to my office complaining they are tired. My next question is “How much sleep are you getting?” I am usually met with a blank stare. I too have had to prioritize rest more as I have gotten older. We just don’t recover as quickly now. I have a hard and fast bedtime. It is often before my kids are in bed. But the world is a much better place when I am well-rested.
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Ahem, I meant to say I try to get 3 workouts in when my RA ISN’T flaring. When it’s flaring, I prioritize walks.
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I’m going to agree with probably everyone and say you need to adjust your expectations here. If you do 3x strength per week, plus some cardio you’re doing great. I do know what you mean- on the days where I can work out leisurely, I enjoy it so much more. But unfortunately life just isn’t like that. You have a LOT on your plate already, and you don’t want to give up fun things like going out with Ivan just so you can hit the gym for an hour the next morning.
Think about this- it won’t be that long until- sorry to bring this up- both your boys will be in college! THEN you will have more time and you can focus on your workouts. For now, it makes a lot of sense to prioritize family time. You’re still keeping up with your workouts- it just doesn’t need to be 60 minutes every single day. You’ll have time for that at another point of your life.
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I think you have the right instinct to lower expectations to something that actually feels doable with life right now. I am noticing that I can’t sustain the same workout forever because inevitably schedules change, I get bored, or life is in a different season. Over the summer I was doing a lot more cardio, which I loved! Now that I’m trying to add in strength training it’s hard to do the same number of cardio sessions, so I’m shifting it. I also think that exercise is a lower priority for me than others; I generally aim for about 20 min at a time. For me, it helps to be clear about what I want and also have it feel doable enough that I don’t procrastinate it.
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I fully agree that we all have different ways to use 24 hrs and priorities. Managing expectations is critical to feel accomplished even if it’s 20 min few times a week. You are doing way more than average Kae! Do give you some credit, you are strong and fit.
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In this case, Kae, I think the clarifications you wrote in this blog post should be helpful. I think that in principle, you would be able to get to the more “happy medium” in workouts that is attainable yet feels satisfying. It’s just going to take some time. I also think that you can identify who the blog friends are who you think are hard core exercisers and/or extremely dedicated.
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I do an hour 4 days a week when I run AND do strength and 30-40 minutes the other 3 days when I only run. Plus an hour of dog walks every day (about 15 mins 4 times a day). But! I do all of this at home, so there’s no transition time. I can see this changing when the weather gets awful and I have to run inside. For me, I need to run and do strength first thing in the morning– it’s the only way I KNOW I will find the time and get it done.
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I’m not sure how much you are lifting, but could you a buy a kettleball or dumbells and do some of your workouts from home? Maybe have a “if I have time gym routine” vs “minimum viable product home workout”.
Example: My gym is only classes, and has virtual option for some live classes. Goal is to get to the gym for the 1hr class, MVP is to do class from home for only 30 min.
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I am a fairly disciplined person but I have felt first hand this year how hard it is to stick to my own expectations when a lot of “LIFE” happens… I think it’s important to remember that we all go through seasons and sometimes, things take a backseat while we prioritize others.
I feel like, as long as you’re moving your body every day (in some way) and are fitting in some dedicated sessions, exercising doesn’t have to be an all or nothing (and most definitely not a daily!) thing!
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One thing that does help me is lunch time workouts. I am not a morning person so I would never exercise consistently before work. But I’m also too tired to work out after work. Lunchtime or early afternoon is basically the only time I will do it now. It’s perfect as far as my energy rhythms go and gets me focused for the afternoon.
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What I want to be is retired – amen sister. This cracked me up. I was gonna say the same thing as Brooke about lifting at home. I started working out in my house during covid and never looked back. I have the weights I need (I got a few more sets over the summer), a band, a yoga ball, etc. I watch my favorite ‘light’ morning news program and my workout fly by. My gym isn’t far from home, but lifting weights in my family room has been a game changer. The transition time – poof. Gone.
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I think 3 strength and 2 cardio sessions is a great level for the week. Make that you ideal week. It’s definitely not something to be disappointed about. You are never going to be disappointed about the time spent with your family at the moment, even if you have to give up some of your exercise goals to do it, but it’s likely that you would be disappointed if you reversed that. As a parent of adult children who still like to come over and hang out, and go on the occasional holiday with us, time spent now is laying the ground for many happy times to come.
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