Background:
We have to go to Mexico for our goddaughter’s quinceanera in October. (Not going = not an option. I’ve mentioned before that quinceaneras are a Big Deal and as the godparents, we apparently have some specific roles during the ceremony and party. Kind of nervous about what this all entails? Not a huge fan of being center of attention and I am 99% sure Ivan said something about us each doing some kind of solo dance with her? 🥴)
The party is on Friday night, October 18th.
“Everyone” is going (i.e. multiple family members flying down from U.S., all extended family will be there, etc.). Therefore, it seems especially important to my mother-in-law that not only we be there, but also the boys.
The problem:
October 18th is a school day, during a standard school week. So, this would/will require both boys missing some school, and both are in high school now = not as easy to miss school. (We’ve totally pulled the boys for trips in the past but it feels very different now at this level vs 3rd grade.)
We need to buy our plane tickets ASAP, but we cannot exactly decide how this should go, date-wise!
Ivan is planning to fly down the Saturday before (10/12) and will stay for the whole week. He really wants more time with his parents/family, which I understand and support and is totally fine.
The dilemma is…. when should the rest of us go???
Option A: We all go on Saturday with Ivan.
This means we’d all have 8 nights there. (Fly on Saturday, family time during week, party on Friday 10/18, fly home probably Sunday 10/20).
Pros:
- more family time, obviously. I guess this is the main pro!
- we are also bringing their (local) 13 year old cousin with us, who the boys are close with. They are excited by the idea of being in Mexico with him, as we’ve never been there at the same time before.
- longer trip= more “worth the cost” of the $$ flights
Cons:
- boys having to miss school + activities!!
Ethan actually has a No School day that Monday 10/14. Tuesday he doesn’t have class either, which seemed good at first, until we realized that instead of school, he is supposed to take the pre-ACT test that day. (Not “required”, but part of his college prep activities, highly recommended to get ready for the real ACT next year, etc… and he actually really wants to take it.) He’d then have to miss Wednesday- Friday (regular school days).
So, in summary: Ethan= miss 3 days of school, plus the pre-ACT (no option for make-up). School did say okay to miss the test, if needed. (But we’d all still rather he took it.)
Also, he would miss 3 high school soccer games (Saturday, Tuesday, Saturday).
Asher would have to miss all 5 days that week (Monday- Friday) as his school has a normal week. He’d also have to miss 2 volleyball games.
Option B: Ivan goes Saturday, the rest of us fly down Wednesday morning.
Pros:
- Asher only misses 3 days (Wed-Fri) instead of 5.
- Ethan can take the pre-ACT on Tuesday.
- Ethan would only have to miss 1 soccer game instead of 3.
- Asher would only miss 1 volleyball game instead of 2.
Cons:
- Less time in Mexico, obviously. Would now only be 4 nights (and Wednesday only partial day as travel day)
- Ethan still has to miss 3 days of school. He feels nervous about making up a lot of work/ getting behind. ALSO, this will be the very first week of Quarter 2 for him. (Presumably all new material etc??)
- Less time time in Mexico with their cousin- a rare situation, unlikely to happen again during their youth here, probably.
Option C: Ivan, Asher and I go down on Saturday, and Ethan flies down alone later (assuming my parents stay with him and get him to airport; he’s old enough to travel alone and has flown to Mexico many times and says he’d be fine…. )
I feel slightly less concerned I guess about Asher missing school vs Ethan just since Asher only freshman and maybe lighter load yet. Ethan is the one more concerned about missing school.
Not sure what this would really look like though… I mean, he could go down on Wednesday, but then he still has to miss the 3 days of school. Could fly Thursday, but that’s still only a gain of 1 extra day of class… Or maybe could even try to fly early Friday morning and only miss 1 school day, BUT that’s the party day and then someone would need to get him from Mexico City and just seems like could be recipe for total chaos if any delay, etc. Also, then his trip would be REALLY short (Friday- Sunday) and is that even worth the plane ticket?!
*Also, not sure I love idea of him flying all alone, but, could also be a good independence-building experience for him.
Option D: Ivan and Asher fly on Saturday, Ethan and I fly down Wednesday morning.
Basically same as Option C, except I would stay behind with Ethan (and we’d definitely go on Wednesday I think, not Thursday or Friday. )
I mean, this could work, and would at least get Asher more time in Mexico with family + his cousin. But again, then he’d be missing all week (Monday-Friday) of school plus 2 volleyball games.
And I kind of feel like it should be the same for whatever the boys do, but I don’t know, just to keep a level playing field. Theoretically could be an option though. In this scenario their cousin would go down on Saturday too with Ivan/Asher.
Ethan doesn’t seem too concerned about if it’s “fair” or not (i.e. he hasn’t seemed really miffed by idea of Asher going before him; he just seems more concerned about not getting screwed up at school). In this scenario Ethan’s still missing the 3 days.
Option E: Ivan, Asher and I go on Saturday; Ethan skips it and stays home?! (Or- Ivan goes Saturday, Asher and I go Wednesday, Ethan stays home)
Would avoid all the issues with Ethan + school + soccer, but then he’s missing out on special family memory time….. a rare situation when like WHOLE family (both my in-laws’ sides) all coming together.
What do you think?
Ok, I know this may be hard to follow. I swear it makes sense…. lol.
Here’s a summary of what they have on the different days and what they’d have to miss, depending:
I am torn. I feel like I’m kind of leaning toward having Ivan go Saturday, and then me and the boys flying down on Wednesday morning.
BUT, I still feel on edge about Ethan missing 3 full days….While better than 5, I still feel like 3 (esp in a new quarter!) is a lot!!
And then on the other hand, I feel like, well, in the long run/ big picture, are these school days/sports/pre-ACT really going to matter? Most likely they wouldn’t like, flunk out of high school as a result of this. Is this pre-ACT test suddenly going to make him ace the real one next year?? I mean, probably it’d be a negligible difference?
Would the family memories be more worth it? Should we just go for the whole week?! Or is the long weekend a good compromise? Or should we just leave Ethan home/have him fly later?!
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! I literally cannot decide and Ivan doesn’t know the answer, either.
Please weigh in!! All advice welcome, and especially from parents with high school aged kids!!
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful that I have plenty of vacation days built up at the moment, so at least I can do either option. (Though, it’s still true that if I flew with boys on Wednesday, I’d also be saving 2 vacation days, using 3 instead of 5.)
GRATEFUL KAE 
IMO family memories and time always! My daughter will be a junior this year and we’ve found that the school work can always be made up, a few missed days are not going to matter that much. And the beginning of a quarter is better to miss than the end when they are trying to finish teaching and learning everything they fell behind on. Also, I work in higher education-if he’s really worried about the ACT, he can do free online practice tests.
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This is not an easy decision and I think it makes sense you are struggling with it! From an outsider with zero skin in the game, this is what I would do: Option C: Ivan, Asher and you go down on Saturday, and Ethan flies down alone later (later = late Thursday, if possible). I would avoid a Friday flight at all costs because of the festivities beginning that day OR would try to find a friend or relative already in Mexico City who could pick Ethan up so you all don’t have to make another trip into the city. All of this to say, whatever you choose, it will be Ok!
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This is tough, but I think if it were us we would either all leave on Saturday or if your kiddo really insists maybe try to have him come alone on Thursday. There are lots of ways to take practice standardized tests. The beginning of the quarter is the easiest time to be gone and this is a one time situation, not something you are going to do every year. It is hard for kids to project into the future how they will feel but I think as a adults we know where our priorities lie. That said talking a teenager into a plan isn’t always easy so good luck and you have my sympathies.
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What do the boys think? I don’t think I missed more than five days TOTAL in all of high school and would never have been able to catch up. I hear the “family memories” yadda yadda yadda, but I would have never have been able to enjoy the time away from school. BUT. I am me and your boys are your boys. Do they think they could catch up? (I am also unconcerned about missing sports stuff because I do not care about such things. So maybe I should not be weighing in at all.)
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Oh, and I think Gillian and I might be mortal enemies. I also work in higher ed and have decades of experience in test prep and I think taking a test in a testing environment before the “real thing” is invaluable and I’d hate for E to miss that preparation.
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I have never commented here but am a regular reader and really enjoy your blog. Also, I have no children. So do what you will with these thoughts. 🤣
My family traveled a lot when we were kids and it made amazing memories for us as a family. My parents were of the mindset that school work can be made up/learned anytime and our travels as a family were the priority. Also, real life is the best teacher. My brother and I did a fair bit of homework on the road and never had an issue with returning to our classes (we both took AP classes, etc). My family is very into education so we knew we just had to get it done. We were also heavily involved in extracurriculars and just accepted that sometimes we would have to miss stuff.
So I’m team #everyonegoallweek!
Good luck!
Lilia
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My two cents is that it’s a choice between A&B. A is the most fun and the most family time together. Your boys both have a really good work ethic and they’ll figure out how to catch up with school. B is a good compromise where Ivan gets family time, the boys and you get to travel together, they don’t miss as much school, but you’re still there for more than a hot minute. Good luck! Whatever you decide, everyone will have fun.
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One month after the Quinceañera, what will you be glad you did? One year after? Ten years after?
There are a couple things coloring my thoughts. First, the PSAT got me a scholarship to college. Is that a potential outcome for the practice ACT?
And second (I swear I’m not trying to be a total bummer), my two grandmothers are currently losing their memory. There are a million reasons why traveling to see family is difficult, but my trips lately have not been celebrations. They’ve been conscious efforts to steal a few more moments where my grandmas remember me. Some extra time where the focus is a celebration sounds really nice to me now.
But with all of that, there are multiple right solutions in this situation, even if none of them are perfect. Keep us updated!
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Oh shoot, I should have issued a disclaimer that while I have been a high schooler, my kids aren’t even in kindergarten yet, so … grain of salt and all that.
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I am team Gillian here with regard to standardized tests…Also are you sure that this pre-ACT is REALLY the only practice Ethan will get for standardized testing? How do homeschoolers take the pre-ACT in your area? I assume if you look around that you can find something between test prep places like Kaplan, online options, sessions other schools, etc etc. Also my grade school kids are already taking yearly standardized tests-yes, its not the ACT, but they’re already very practiced at standardized tests. I wouldn’t factor the practice standardized test into my plans at all.
High school me would have been more concerned about missing sports games–is Ethan trying to earn a varsity letter? Is his team trying to make playoffs? Is he looking to get recruited at all? Those concerns would push me towards sending Ethan (+/- you) on Wed or Thursday.
Asher should totally go the whole week. Family time and the cross-cultural and language experience >>> 1 week of freshman year in HS.
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It really boils down to family values and the age of the boys, but more the family values. it’s so personal and I think it’s a decision for you and Ivan. If I am put in the same situation, I will just leave Sofia back with me at home, skip the thing, and let tony takes Lizzy to represent the family. The reasoning is that we are not that close to any of extended family, and we think school is important commitment for kids when they are at high school and above. But that’s our personal situation and value. those parties are usually super big, for the host it’s ideal that everyone comes, but if someone doesn’t show up, the disappointment is minimal for the host relative to the cost of the person that have to re-arrange life to go. My two cents.
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No high schoolers here, but I’d go. Although I’m more blase about missing a day or two of school to get a cheaper flight, or come along with me to a conference in an interesting destination, than my husband is. But we had a week off for Covid one year and I got my son reading properly in that week, something school hadn’t managed to do yet.
It’s the start of term, it sounds like there aren’t any major academic concerns with either of your boys. If the boys are keen to go, bring their textbooks and have them do some reading and revision of things.
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Hi Kae, longtime reader from the UK – love your blog 🙂
My thoughts would be to consider what will help you feel your best and most peaceful when you are there. It sounds like you will have an important role to play at the event, and that you are feeling a little nervous about it.
Which plan would help you feel the most present when you are there? For me, I would consider going a little later to give myself extra time both before and after the event – this could be used to plan outfits, gifts and ways to enjoy this very special occasion.
Dancing photos please!
Anna x
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Hi Kae, longtime reader from the UK here – love your blog 🙂
I would say to think more about what will help you really enjoy yourself at the family event. It sounds like you will have a significant role to play on the day itself and you are understandably feeling a little nervous about it all. Which arrangements would help you feel most able to relax and enjoy the party?
Personally, I might go a little later to give myself extra time to prepare gifts, outfits etc – so then I could really enjoy the special event and quality time with extended family. It is so personal and I’m sure whichever plan you go for will be great – you can’t go wrong.
Keep us posted – I am looking forward to photos from the dance floor!
x
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I think the pre ACT is important but the other stuff is just a blip, and the trip and family time will be more important in the long run (as long as this doesn’t become a habit). I choose Ivan flies Saturday and the rest of you come on Wednesday.
My parents owned their own business, which was very busy in the summer and so they would pull us out in winter for vacations and I never suffered from it. But I still remember that Grand Canyon trip!
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I’d take the second option – Ivan going first, the three of you going on the Wednesday. I would have done that. I know what it’s like – personally, I’d feel okay about them missing their activities but not school. It’s so hard to catch up in high school.
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I’m a college prof and value education highly 🙂
i think the ease of missing school varies so much based on the term/specific classes and the student. Some kids have no issue and others really struggle. Family travel is important. But if you have a kid who is worried or would struggle, that is really important to respect.
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I feel like you’re going to have trouble making a decision based on these comments- everyone has a different opinion! So, here’s mine.
Both my kids hate to miss school, because they say it’s really hard to make up all the work. When my son was in high school, he used to go to school even when he was sick, because he said that was easier than trying to do make up work (this was pre-Covid, btw!) So my first thought while reading this was to have both boys miss as little school as possible. Then I read all the comments and thought, maybe it depends on your boys, and what they want to do. I do think a week of missed school is a LOT. I would probably go with the option where Ivan goes Saturday and you and the boys go Wednesday. But honestly- whatever you decide will end up being fine. If they miss school and struggle a little to make it up, it won’t make a difference in their lives overall!
Good luck with the dancing : )
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I think showing up is more important than duration. I’ve lived far away from family since college and done a lot of weekend trips. So I wouldn’t worry about Ethan having a short trip. My daughter just started high school and we already found out if you miss PE twice you have to make it up. So I empathize with Ethan’s concerns about getting behind. I’d let him make the choice about not going or going on Thursday. Is there a later flight he could take so maybe only missing a half day. Ivan, Asher and you should go Saturday. Ethan can fly on his own Thursday (or stay home)- it’s a great growth experience.
good luck finalizing your plans! (Long time lurker but couldn’t resist chiming in)
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another longtime lurker, and I agree– at this age, the kids’ opinions matter a lot here! How stressful it is to miss school depends on the child (I wouldn’t worry about the sports). Showing up for the event seems crucial, exactly how long you go for is less important.
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I am a high school teacher and missing a whole week in high school is a ton. Some kids can handle it but for others it causes a lot of stress. I would probably travel on Wednesday to miss fewer days unless your kids are academically very strong AND really want to go for the whole week. The beginning of the quarter might not matter much, for us only the beginning/end of a semester really matters. Whatever you decide, don’t second guess yourself and have fun!
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It’s a personal decision. I know I’d want to do me & kids Wed-Sunday if it were me because of missed coursework. Good luck learning that dance! I am a terrible dancer so the introvert in me identifies, but I bet it will mean so much to your godchild!Also, West Homecoming is Oct. 12, just so that’s on your radar.
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I feel your stress, Kae! It is so hard to make choices like this! For whatever it’s worth, I used to take a whole week every winter to go skiing with my family and I remember HATING the idea of “missing out” at school, but it was never a “real” issue (it didn’t affect my grades or social life) (I was way more concerned about the latter).
From the awesome comments and suggestions you have already gotten, it seems to me like there is no “right” answer. I hope you and Ivan make a choice you feel good about, but it really sounds like the choices are evenly weighted!
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I know you already posted a follow up on this, but as a parent of a now junior in high school, I would totally go. My son ended up having to miss almost a week last year because of the Covid policy that was still in place at the time, and he was able to make everything up and we didn’t even get to do anything fun during that time. Go and make the memories!
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I like the option of Ivan going on Saturday and you guys on a Wednesday. I am a HS teacher and students can request work that we will cover in class in advance. In other words, teachers can help students with telling them on these days that you will be absent, we will cover X, Y and Z. It may not be the whole lesson but it will keep Ethan in the loop as to what he can work on to stay on par with the class.
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