I realized this week that there are two distinct changes coming our way this year, and I’m pretty on board with both of them!
1. The mornings
This will be the first year ever that I will not be responsible for driving at least one child to school (or the bus stop). Even when the boys were taking the bus, I still typically drove them to the bus stop (about 0.8 miles, or a good 15 minute walk, from our house).
Yes, this is technically walkable (and they did often walk home after school). But in the mornings it often seemed too early, and pretty far, and we were usually either not ready on time or they were barely awake and just didn’t want to walk. (Heck, we were lucky to make the bus when I drove them half the time. 🤪) Also, we live in Wisconsin, and it is cold, snowy, rainy, icy, windy, etc. many days in the winter.
In nice weather we would “scooter walk” there sometimes (they scootered and then I walked home, lugging the scooters home over my shoulder), but for the most part, as the work-from-home parent, I’ve had to be in the car at a certain time every morning for years and years and years.
This past year, Ethan started high school (far away), so he left by 7 a.m. with either Ivan or the carpool. But I still drove Asher to school every morning. We had to leave by about 7:30 to get him there.
This year, Asher starts high school! And he is going to the public high school- which will have a more normal (closer to home) bus stop just down around the corner from our house. Ethan can DRIVE now (eek), so he will be heading off on his own to his high school.
ALSO, at 14 and 16 years old, no one really needs me in the mornings anymore. I mean, I still like to see them off, chat for a bit, etc. But it’s not a necessity anymore to have parental involvement to get out the door.
This is all very freeing! No more being chained to the clock in the mornings. If I want to head out to walk the dog, or hit the gym, or just need to get an early start on work, I can technically do any of those things now without really having to worry about anyone else or the timing of it.
2. Sports + the weekends
This will be the first fall in YEARS (I’m thinking…. at least 10?) that we won’t have a child participating in club sports. Both boys are doing high school sports this fall (Ethan- soccer, Asher- volleyball).
But for the first time since like, first grade, no one is playing club soccer or doing the club swim team!! Yes, high school sports are still a lot. They practice every day, they have games, etc. etc. But it’s just really different.
a) They’ll practice right after school, meaning: I don’t need to drive them there! (This alone is HUGE. So many club practices were at like, 4:30 or 5 pm.) This also means… no one will be home after school until after probably after 6 pm! (Which is kind of weird/sad in its own right, but also, has some perks…Can work until whenever I need to, can make dinner without needing to rush off to practice in the middle of it, etc.)
b) Most of their games are on weeknights. On the flip side, club sports games/meets were almost exclusively on weekends. I know there will be some weekend sports stuff (I’m assuming a couple volleyball tournaments? And there were a few random weekend soccer things last year.)
But I believe our days of every single weekend being tied up with various game and meet schedules is largely going to be a thing of the past. This sounds pretty awesome.
(Obviously, this means more running around during the week- it’s not like the games disappear. But at this point I think I’m ready for this change, if it means some breathing room on the weekends? Also, I know now from experience that many/most high school parents do not go to ALL of the far away games anymore (especially at the JV level when they start quite early, like 4:30/5 p.m. and many parents are still working). The boys are expected to ride the team bus there and back, anyway, so there’s not always a need to be at every single game. Of course I’ll want to go to a lot of them! I love watching them play. But it’s also okay to sit out some of those far away ones and just let them do their thing with their team.)
Those are the two biggest changes I can think of right now.
Sometimes I think about areas that I’ve struggled as a working parent (without paid help)- one of them being consistently meal planning and/or getting an organized, actual meal on the table every night, while simultaneously working full time and shuttling kids places. Or I look back on other things that were hard for me when the boys were little. And I feel like… on some of them, I just never really got it figured out. LOL. Like, ok, this thing was basically always an issue, and it sucked, and always felt chaotic, and I never felt like we were doing it “right”, and eventually we just had to outgrow that phase and that was the only way it ever went away. Hahaha. I never fixed it. 🤷♀️Sometimes I wonder if this means I kind of failed to correctly “problem solve”. Or I feel a little badly that I never really straightened them out to get that June Cleaver mom-life at our house.
But, on the plus side, all things do pass eventually. So while I’m all about thinking through routines and trying to make life better/easier/whatever, sometimes maybe the answer is to just keep treading water and wait until the kids are 14 and 16. 🤣
Any big changes at your house this school year? Do you have any areas where you feel like “everyone else” has it down, but it’s always kind of a big cluster at your house? hehe. 😆
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for some “staycation” vibes this morning in my yard. We are having some pretty cool mornings this week for August (after a recent HOT spell), so I took advantage and went in the hot tub with my tea.
GRATEFUL KAE 
Those are two big changes Kae! How exciting. My kids are 7 and 3 and I’m so far away from them not needing me in the morning! Ha! There are SO many aspects of parenting life I don’t feel like I’m doing quite right. Probably on days when my 7yo gets home from school at 2.45 and I’m working from home, juggling work and having her in the house is tough- I assume she’ll be able to amuse herself but she often pops in to see what I’m doing- often right in the middle of a zoom call! I could send her to after school care, but it seems silly when I’m around the corner and “technically” she could occupy herself from the comfort of her own home.
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Yes, we felt the same way in the after school hours when the boys were younger (once I switched to WFH after a few years). Fortunately for me, at that time, my job was more of an independent role, where I wasn’t on so many video meetings like I am now. Even now the boys still sometimes come in and interrupt or want to ask me something, etc!! I have taken to putting a sign on my door, but sometimes they “didn’t see it”…. or they ignore it…
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YES Sophie I totally struggle with that after school/but before I’m done with work time. My youngest (7) goes to after care but my 9 yo does not and I realllyyy miss the days when no one was home until 5ish and I could take care of everything without kids underfoot.
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I never feel like I get things right or running smoothly either. With all the kids’ activities and school, it feels like there is so little margin in our mornings and evening and everything is a sh*tshow. But seeing my oldest starting to walk to school on her own once she got to middle school – was a like a light in the tunnel.
I am so grateful for school activities. My oldest was in the school play this past year, and would just stay after school for rehearsal, but if she had been in a play at one of the local theatres, we would have had to drive her around and it would have been so much harder logistically. And also – I think about how awesome it is that kids who can’t afford to go to theatre classes have these opportunities through the school.
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Technically mine could have walked to the bus all along once old enough, but it just seemed a BIT too far! If it were just a matter of strolling up the block, that’d be one thing, but it was quite a walk! And you’re spot on with the lack of margin in the mornings- that’s how we always felt too. This year the boys will have really different schedules/ start times, so that will be weird too- Ethan will have to LEAVE by 7 (so, up and ready well before then), but Asher’s school doesn’t start until like 8:30! Nice in a way though to kind of only have one to deal with at a time. And, like I said in the post, I don’t really have to “do” much for them anymore, besides just be around to check in and chat and maybe encourage some fruit at breakfast. 😉
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These are great changes Kae, you’ll have more time for yourself, a transition that is just starting I guess. Enjoy and make them work for you!
Is Asher still doing swimming? He is so good at it! I guess school has a swimming team?
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I feel like it’s not even exactly about having “more” time for myself, but rather just that I won’t be so chained to a specific schedule. When I had to drive Asher I had to always be with him, in the car, at 7:30 sharp. No wiggle room at all. I still want to see the boys in the morning and be around, so it’s not like I’m planning to just go off and let them totally do their own thing. But it’s very different to be able to see him out the door and then I can just immediately go take a shower (or start work, or head out for walk, etc.) versus having to then spend another 15-20 minutes driving back and forth to school…
Asher is just taking the fall session off from swimming! He can’t do it at the same time as high school volleyball since the high school sports are pretty intense and practice like 2-3 hours everyday after school. He will pick swimming back up in November, but will do the high school swim team (which season runs November- February). So he probably won’t be back to his club swim team until the next spring and summer seasons!
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That’s really exciting! I’m hoping we can drop a few days of aftercare next year when T is 8, and just have him meet me at the library and hang out there, working towards eventually walking home.
We’re trying to reset our morning routines when T goes back this week, and have used breakfast at breakfast club (he objects to the toast…) as an incentive. If he’s not dressed by 7, it’s breakfast there rather than at home.
He wants another activity – he’s got swim lessons (which feel more mandatory than fun) and scouts, but so many of the times don’t work for us, 4:00-4:45 on a Tuesday, etc. So I’m on the waitlist for an outdoor forest school activity for Fridays (early release EVERY Friday…)
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That sounds like a good incentive! So funny about the unsatisfying toast. LOL! Whatever works….
And yes, the whole activities schedule thing is really complicated! On the one hand I understand the appeal of the earlier time slots, for parents who either don’t work or have a grandparent or nanny or someone who can shuttle them around. It is really nice for the kids to get done with those things earlier in the evening and be “done” for the day. But it makes it really hard for working parents! I feel like in recent years the boys had a lot of soccer practice at 5 pm. Which is reasonable, I guess, but it was about a 15 minute drive away. So that meant leaving at 4:45… and I didn’t get home from dropping him off until 5:15… and then sometimes the opposite kid had to then be somewhere right after that (say, Asher, to swim practice at 5:45 or 6). So I’d literally be gone driving Ethan to soccer from 4:45-5:15, then home for like, 10-15 minutes, then out the door driving ASHER from say 5:45- 6:15…and then first getting back home, and hoping Ivan was then able to be home in time to pick up Ethan, who was now finishing up soccer by this time at 6:30, back another 15 minute drive away…. no wonder I struggled to make dinner!! When?!?
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Those changes will be so nice! I know it’s bittersweet in a way but more freedom in the morning and having weekends free up are great changes! Does this mean the boys get themselves up in the morning? I think my mom got me up the entire time I lived under their roof which was maybe not necessary but she was always around so it wasn’t inconvenient for her to be my alarm. And I figured out how to get myself up when I went off to college.
I am on the other end of this spectrum so it’s hard to imagine this kind of freedom in the mornings. Ha. Our mornings are such a gong show honestly. We breath a sigh of relief when the boys have been dropped off and we are working. I feel pretty good about our schedule/set up but sometimes am envious of the many people who don’t need before care. The bus picks up literally in front of our house but the pick up time is 7:50 so it just doesn’t work for Paul to take the bus as we need to be working by that time. He takes the bus to/from school on Fridays because one or both of us is home to get him on/off the bus. There are very few kids in before care but I have just had to accept that we need before care given the nature of our jobs/start times. But someday it will be nice when he can get himself on the bus. That just feels very far off!!
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The boys mostly get themselves up, yes, though I’m sort of the backup. (*Disclaimer- this does not count when Asher has had early swim practices at 5:30/6 a.m. He NEVER gets himself up for those.) They set their alarms on their phones and usually just get up!
Our kids had to do before care for a little while a couple days per week when I still worked in the hospital. I didn’t like it either, since it just felt like such a long day doing both before + after care! But it was what it was. Fortunately in our case it was only 1-2 days a week. Anyway, I’m sure the kids don’t even think about it. And it’s such a short amount of time, anyway. When you work early, what else are you supposed to do?! I feel like in a majority of cases one of the parents often starts earlier and the other a little later. The staggered hours thing can work well, but obviously in your case you guys carpool (which makes perfect sense!) and have the earlier hours! On the plus side, you must not be getting done at 6 pm or having to race to daycare before closing time! So there’s that 🙂
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Yes, we never come close to being late for daycare pickup! We usually leave work around 4:15 so Taco gets picked up by 4:40ish most days. And Paul doesn’t seem to mind being in before and after care. He gets extra attention in the morning since there are so few kids there. Plus he was used to being in childcare for around 10 hours/day when he was in daycare (which isn’t ideal but is just what is necessary when you both work outside the home and have commutes to factor in, etc).
It’s great that the boys get themselves up!! Probably helps that they have cellphones to wake them!
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Those sound like great changes! One big change we have in our house this year is that my older kid is going to middle school while my younger is still in elementary (they’re only a grade apart like yours, so luckily this will only be for one year) which means we have to get the first kid off by 7:10 (school starts at 7:30) and the next kid will walk or be dropped off at 8:40. So it feels like it will make our mornings earlier, longer, and more annoying!
From where I sit, it looks like you have done an AMAZING job balancing incredibly busy kids, a full time job, a husband who also has a full time job, and house maintenance. If you do all those things AND don’t have paid help, it is honestly a win to even have dinner for your family at all ever, in my opinion 🙂 And your boys are healthy and seem to eat well!
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Awwww, thanks Emily! This comment made me feel so much better. You’re right- it IS a lot! Sometimes I think it’s so easy to forget that. Like I tend to compare myself to someone else who has a totally different situation (either doesn’t work, or works very part-time, or has a nanny, or a husband with earlier hours who is free to do the cooking, or whatever) and then sort of superimpose MYSELF on top of the situation and be like, well why can’t I do that? (forgetting that I don’t have some specific piece of that exact puzzle, so of course it’s going to look different in my life!).
I agree that the staggered start time for the kids is… complicated. It can be nice to have only one kid to focus on at a time, but you’re right- it does sort of drag everything out!! That was kind of our case this past year. Ethan was getting ready from 6:30-7, but then Asher didn’t even get up until 7 and didn’t need to leave until 7:30. Not quite as big of a spread as yours, but I still sometimes felt that!
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Game-changer! Individually these have potential to make a big difference, and combined they will give you more of a very valuable commodity – uninterrupted time home alone! Even though some things are just shifting from one place in the schedule to another, this may reshape how you feel about your time.
I work from home, too, and I personally find chopped up bits of time the worst – if you have to drive a kid somewhere in ~20 minutes, you can’t start a longer or deeper-focused task, can’t take a real break either (like going for a walk). Even if the kids just come home and do something independently, I stop what I’m doing to pop out and say hello. When my older daughter started having crew practice right after school, I did miss seeing her earlier in the day, but I grew to like that this way I wasn’t distracted and still needing to work when she came home; with her later arrival, I could make sure my workday was finished and that I was available to chat without distractions when she got home.
And the uninterrupted time to cook dinner is a huge win, as this seems to have been a source of stress for you this year. (This is an area where I’m completely spoiled and very grateful because my husband does all our cooking; I admire how you make it work even when juggling work and driving kids around). Excited for you to try out some new routines once both boys are back in school!
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YES the little chopped up bits of time!!! I feel like that doesn’t get talked about enough! lol!! That has historically been one of the biggest issues in our evenings + the dinner thing. I responded to Coree above about this, but the boys often have had staggered practices/ activities where I literally have been sort of going through a revolving door every evening. So I rarely had a big chunk of time to actually get a proper dinner put together! There have been so many times that I’ve ended up turning off the stove burner and leaving like a half cooked dinner because it took longer than I expected and now I need to run out to either drop or pick up a kid! The after school practices thing + Ethan driving himself, of course, is going to make a big difference this year. (Well, Ethan was gone afternoons already this past year in high school, but Asher was still around and had a VERY busy activities schedule this past year (3 sports in spring!!). This year with him just doing high school sports + the post-school practices, so much of that will go away.
Can I borrow your husband?!!? That sounds so amazing. Unfortunately, Ivan doesn’t get home usually until at least 6 pm, so while he has been useful for later kid driving/ pickups, he’s never really reliably home early enough to help make dinner….
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Let me get this straight- Asher can walk to the bus stop and Ethan can drive himself to school??? That is HUGE. Today was our first day of school (arrrrrg!) and I spent 45 minutes in the car, just dropping my daughter off (it’ll get better in a couple weeks- the traffic in the beginning is extra terrible.) And I was reflecting that this drive to school really breaks up my morning in a horribly inconvenient way- I can work out before or after, but either way I feel a little rushed. Sometimes last year I would run a couple miles, drive my daughter to school, and then come back and finish my run. No exactly ideal!
Yes, there’s a huge benefit to having after school activities AT THE SCHOOL. Most of my daughter’s things take place at the school, and it’s so easy.
I think your reflection about never figuring out the “right” way to do things could really help people with small children right now. Some phases are like that- you just struggle through until it’s over. It can seem like other people have all these great systems and run their households smoothly and efficiently- but the truth is, there’s just a certain amount of chaos, especially with younger kids, and you just have to get through it the best you can.
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You get it! That morning drive, while not all bad (I did like chatting with the kids in the morning so much!) just always ended up feeling like this weird obstacle sitting right in the middle of whatever I needed to do. For me a big one was if I had an earlier meeting- inevitably I needed to be driving Asher RIGHT at the time that I’d ideally be getting in the shower! (Or it meant I had to shower first thing/ really early, and thus couldn’t either get an early walk or any morning tea time or anything…). Anyway, I hear you. I hope your situation gets better, too! Will your daughter be able to drive herself sometime in the near-ish future?? I feel like she must be getting closer to that age also, right?
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I am looking forward to less stressful mornings and a simplified sports routine with you. I know that change is hard and you mourn the things that won’t happen anymore, but it’s always good to look at the positives of new routines!
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I am looking forward to less stressful mornings and a simplified sports routine with you. I know that change is hard and you mourn the things that won’t happen anymore, but it’s always good to look at the positives of new routines!
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HIGH SCHOOL!!!! Congrats!!!
Things that are changing:
1. L will be in FIRST GRADE. I can’t even.
2. This is my tenure year with the district so I will turn it up a bit
3. We may need to remodel the kitchen [halp]
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