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| Wish I were sitting back here this morning |
TGIF.
Since I changed jobs a few years ago and generally feel much happier with my work/life balance and my job overall, I don’t typically dread the workweek or count down until it’s over. So I don’t really embrace the whole “TGIF” thing too much.
But today, TGIF.
This week has kinda sucked. Not because of work, but just the “feel” of the week. Everything has felt disorganized, out of whack, and overwhelming. Probably has to do with getting home from our trip late on Sunday and then jumping right into a busy week, with no room to unpack or reorganize. It’s kind of a bummer, because I had such a relaxing and refreshing trip, and I feel like none of those feelings have carried over into my week back in reality here. ☹
I have been feeling a lot of what I’ll call “parenting fatigue” right now.
Remember this post? Well, we are still plugging away at those 203 days, and I’m trying to not even think about the fact that they mightstill be home into the fall (if the school plans fall through).
Maybe it’s not nice to say, but I just feel very tired of all the day to day parenting stuff right now. Like, I’m tired of enforcing rules. I’m tired of monitoring screen time. I’m tired of reminding people to pick up their stuff. I’m tired of doling out consequences as needed. I’m tired of (failing) to keep some sort of schedule going around here. I’m tired of someone coming to my office to let me know that the hamster peed on the ottoman and what should it be cleaned up with. I’m tired of people needing my help.
Overall my kids are well behaved enough and everything, but I think it’s just that they are always around. Also, I think the issue is this: if I just let them have a total free for all and holed up in my office, my day would probably be relatively stress free. They wouldn’t burn the house down or anything.
But in order for them to have any sort of “productive” day (and summer) that involves more than video games, TV, playing outside and meals of Goldfish crackers from the box (and honestly, leaving messes everywhere), I need to be involved somewhat, or at least oversee that some other activities happen, some sort of schedule is being followed, screen time limits are enforced and the house doesn’t fall apart.
And that’s the part I’m tired of. Sometimes, I feel like I just don’t care.I just want to sit in my office, do my work and be left alone. You know, like when they are at school or summer camps.
We had been doing pretty well I thought, schedule wise, but the wheels just kind of seemed to fall off this week, in many ways. Late nights (the dog thing didn’t help….), laundry, stuff all over from our trip, Ethan’s birthday party, work stuff, misc. household items to deal with…everything just kind of piled up it seems and I definitely didn’t use the organizational/ productivity tools that I have to deal with it.
I think I’ll be done now. I didn’t intend to turn this post into a vent session. I already did that yesterday, twice- once with Ivan when he got home from work (leading him to saying, “Why are you yelling at me?”….to which I replied, ”I’m not yelling at YOU, I’m yelling at the SIUTATION!”…hehe) and once to my Mom on the phone.
I did take some time last night to attempt to regroup some- I took a long, hot bath and later I played the piano for almost an hour. I feel slightly better about things but I think ultimately I need to take some time this weekend to just get reorganized and back on track. I also told Ivan already that I want some big chunks of uninterrupted time to do some stuff without being responsible for the kids’ random needs. 😊
I wish the library or coffee shops were open. I’m really in the mood to just go sit in one alone for a few hours.
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful today for:
-10 minutes on the deck before this, listening to the birds
-my red Ouray, CO tea mug that I love drinking my tea out of
-the space heater in my office that keeps me warm when my basement gets cold
-delicious Chinese food takeout leftovers I had for dinner last night
-the music from The Phantom of the Opera
GRATEFUL KAE 
I actually appreciate the ranting posts! I know you really try to focus on positivity and gratitude, but life is hard sometimes and I imagine every parent reading this can relate to how you feel. Our situation is different because our toddler is in daycare every day, but I still feel more parental burnout than usual because we have so few options for things to do. I was thinking this would be the summer where we'd go to swimming pools, water parks, splash pads, etc. But that's not happening thanks to COVID. Going to the lake has helped and I try to plan play dates with our daycare friends. But it's still really hard and by the end of the weekend, I'm ready to go 'back to work' (you know, at my dining room table). I think all parents are just feeling pushed to their limits right now. For me, work has also been stressful with tons of change and other things going on. I've barely taken any time off so I am very much looking forward to our week off in August. It will be so good for all of us! I have learned that I need to come back from vacation on Saturday now that we have a child. Before we would take later flights back on Sunday evening but I so can not handle coming home on Sunday anymore. It sucks because you lose a day of vacation but it's worth it to be able to go grocery shopping, start laundry, get organized, etc. So before we'd go on vacation from Wed-Sun and now we do Tues-Sat or something like that. I know not everyone is like us, though, and wants to use every bit of their weekend! But I'm super type A and really struggle with jumping right back into the work week when I come back on Sunday. And yes I realize this makes me sound like such an inflexible person… but so it goes!
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I feel you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!many days (usually Monday) I get that as the switch from relaxed sunday to work mode is hard for me because on weekends I'm relaxed with schedules for the kids and the family, but on Monday as I need to work, I find that constant interruptions are really stressful. I yell at the girls more than I like, and most of the time it's like you say, they're not to blame but the situation. I think taking sometime off (ask for husband help) is the way to go to regroup yourself and to look at things in perspective. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
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