*Don’t worry, this isn’t a body image post.*
But I’m currently feeling so frustrated with my body! I just feel like I’m way too young to suddenly have all these physical ailments, especially when I’m a supposedly “healthy” person who exercises and is active and does all the right things. (Could my diet probably be a lot better? Yes. But it could probably be significantly worse, too.)
I’ll be 42 next month which compared to many/most of my current peers is actually on the younger side. Many of the boys’ friends’ parents had kids a bit later than we did, and I feel like many of my friends (and many of you!) are in general just a smidge older- more in the mid or late 40s, or even some are 50+.
I wrote the other day about this ongoing cough, which I guess in fairness, we don’t really know exactly what is causing it yet. But if it is silent GERD, well, that is very annoying. That’s typically a more chronic condition, and it could/ would likely lead to needing to make specific dietary changes that I would likely be VERY unhappy with. OR, it might ultimately involve taking a daily medication, which I would also not be thrilled about. (Alternatively, I do not like the option of having a constant cough and/or esophageal damage occurring in my body.)
You’ve also heard a lot about my chronic back pain issues here before. Overall, my back pain had been quite well controlled of late (all summer)- exceptionally well, really! I started taking Meloxicam last spring (the NSAID I mentioned the other day) and also made some changes to my strength routine (avoiding barbell squats, standard heavy deadlifts and basically anything with too much “hinging”, which my back seems to hate).
It had gotten to the point where I was barely noticing any pain on a day to day basis (though it would definitely still rear its ugly head now and then, with certain activities, such as bending over pulling weeds, etc.). But it was nothing like it was last winter where it was practically debilitating and pretty non-stop.
As a result, I actually sort of stopped taking the Meloxicam in August- in part because I ran out for a bit and was slow to refill, and then I just felt like, well, my back has been so good, maybe I’ll see if I even still NEED the Meloxicam, you know? Long term NSAID use is not really known to be a “good thing”.
It seemed to be going okay, so I was cautiously optimistic, although in the last week or so I’ll admit I was having some twinges here and there. It was kind of bugging me in general yesterday, but I had chalked that up to me trying to sleep more upright the night before (propped up on pillows) because that’s supposed to be recommended for GERD. lol. (Don’t even know if I have that yet, but figured I’d try it. Well, all I got was a serious kink in my upper back/scapula area, and then my regular lower back area was nagging me all day.)
Then last night I played in my first indoor volleyball game in a while! I’ve subbed on this same team for years here and there but they asked if I’d be a regular this season. I said yes, so am now committed to playing every Wednesday night now all fall. Last night was Week 1.
WELL. The game itself at 6 pm was great. We won, it was a super fun close game (we won the 1st set, they won the 2nd, and then we won the 3rd but like 25-21), and I had some great hits!! (I play outside hitter.) It was all great sweaty fun. (Side note- our team name is “Nice Hits”, which if you know the girls who named the team, you’d know that yes, it’s definitely a play on a words 😆😆 They are a hoot.)
I could feel my back start screaming during the game but basically ignored it. Afterwards though… oof. It was bad. I took a LOT of swings during the game and if you know volleyball, you know how much rotation goes into spiking a volleyball. Then add in all of the bending, crouching, squatting (even the standard “ready position” is not ideal for my back), diving, twisting….
I don’t know if it’s a coincidence (maybe related to a tweak when I lifted yesterday morning and/or the weird sleeping position), because I’ve been off the Meloxicam or…. if my body can just flat out no longer tolerate volleyball. 😭😭
Today I can barely bend over to put my socks on and I want to scream. I am in PAIN.
I downed a Meloxicam when I got home last night (which was probably not smart on the heels of the screwdriver I drank in the gym bar with the girls after the game) and am going to take another one today (and will likely keep taking it again to see if it helps).
But COME ON. I’m only 41!!! Of the girls on the team, at least 3 are 50 and don’t have these kinds of issues. I’m actually I think the youngest on the team.
I’m just so depressed by the idea of having ongoing chronic pain issues. If I feel like this now, how on earth will I feel at 71?? UGH.
I guess I will see how it is by next week. There is zero chance I could play- or really do much of anything physical- today. 😢 It hurt me to bend over to pick up Charlie’s water bowl.
It’s not muscular pain- it’s in my bones, my spine. Very low, right in the middle…down into the sacral/pelvic region (though it can sometimes be more lumbar; currently it’s low though.)
Anyway, I know other people have worse issues going on, but this really sucks. I mean, okay, so maybe I can’t play volleyball anymore. That would be really sad. But even worse is the thought of how, when my back pain is flared up, it limits even daily movement, activities, etc. I can’t stand the thought of back pain limiting my daily life, having pain while doing basic yard work, hiking, traveling, or even things like not being able to pick up a future grandchild one day or scoop dog food without pain!
On the bright side, my broken finger held up ok. I was very mindful and didn’t set the ball at all, but I even managed to take a left handed swing (I’m a righty but just had to in this case cuz the set was too far outside!) and it was okay. Thankfully.
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for a really beautiful walk with Charlie.
Bonus meme that made me laugh this week:
GRATEFUL KAE 
That is so frustrating! Back pain is so debilitating so I understand why you are down. Since you started to feel twinges even before playing VB, it seems like your body needs the Meloxicam. Did the doctor say if there is a limit to how long you can be on it? If the side effects/risks are fairly minimal, I’d take those minimal risks over having back pain that limits my activity level. It might turn out that, like squats/deadlifts/etc, VB just might be something you can’t do anymore. I know that really sucks since it’s an activity you enjoy! But it’s hard to know if you could do it while on meloxicam until you try.
Just remember that you had back-issue-free trips to England/Demnark earlier this year after starting Meloxicam/making activity adjustments. So you could get back to being issue free with meloxicam/not playing VB.
All that said, I can understand the frustration. I have a days of the week pill box with am/pm slots and so many doctor appts. When I was dx’d with RA, I was 32 and very very healthy. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that even though I did all the right things in terms of eating/working out/etc, I still have a chronic illness. I’ve had to make adjustments but I’d say my life is still like 90% normal-looking from the outside. The same will hopefully be true for you!
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Yes, it’s so crazy how sometimes it seems like it can just disappear- and then other times it’s SO BAD! You are right though that I did have some good stretches recently, so hopefully I can get back to that. I do fear that volleyball may just not be a good match, though. It’s very “jarring” and it’s not like you just bend/twist, but you also do it with sudden force, you know?
I know you are no stranger to chronic pain issues! Yours are even worse, so I hate to even complain! I’m so glad that overall you’ve been able to mostly manage yours though. What a relief!
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But back pain is the absolute worst and makes every single task hard! I have pain but it’s usually just in my hands. Which isn’t great but it could be worse! I had more large joint flares when I was pregnant like in my knees and shoulders and that was worse than small joint flares. Bottomline, you definitely deserve to complain!!
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I couldn’t relate to this post MORE! This year has been one for the record books with all my ailments. Every time I’ve solved one thing, something else pops up. I’m also dealing with back pain, likely from the way I’ve been sleeping, and I’m just so annoyed. I’ve been sleeping this way for YEARS and all of a sudden, my body is like, “Nahhh”??? WHY?!
I really hope this back pain is just a blip for you, and mostly due to some of the other strenuous work you’ve been doing. It’s so scary, though, to think about all the ways we use our spine and how many simple processes can be messed up when we injure it!
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I know, right? Like what the heck? The spine stuff is extra scary because there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of wiggle room for things to go wrong or get better! I know that’s not totally true, but it always feels like anything “bone” related is not any easy fix.
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This is the precise conversation that my best friend and I are having all the time at the moment. We are both 47 and very fit/healthy regular exercises but both are suffering with ongoing back pain. For me, I’ve found that my core is weaker than it should be for the weights I’m lifting and she’s got some hip mobility issues she needs to work on. We are both giving Pilates a go! You are absolutely not alone and whilst it does seem unfair as a regular exerciser, I think sometimes it brings these issues to the fore earlier
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Interesting! I would love to hear how Pilates goes for you. I have never really done Pilates much at all, but I do hear many good things about it. I always feel like my core ISN’T that weak- like if I “flex” my abs feel strong? Although I do think that I haven’t been directly targeting them as much lately (last few years) as I used to. And maybe I just need more comprehensive core work- like not just abs but the whole torso/ back/ abs everything together region. Oh, another thing- what’s your posture like? I feel like my natural standing state has an anterior pelvic tilt. Have you heard of that? It’s where you kind of stand in such a way that your pelvis goes forward and your butt sort of pops “back”, instead of being more squarely tucked underneath your pelvis. I can literally feel a difference when I try to tuck my pelvis better, but it’s so hard to be mindful of!
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Yes so exactly this. I have Exaggerated lordosis – I have always had a very curved back. I used to get told off in gymnastics when I was 10 as my handstands weren’t straight – “like a banana”. I think that makes it harder to perform squats and deadlifts with the correct form. But yes it’s exactly that – it all needs a bit of work, including frankly my pelvic floor, which could definitely be in better shape. So I think the Pilates is much needed, even though I find it quite tedious tbh. But then the medicing we like the least is usually the one we need the most!
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MD reader here.. sorry to hear you’re struggling. Chronic NSAID use is a big contributor to GERD, so maybe the issues are linked? Consider asking your doc- wondering if maybe whoever is rx’ing the meloxicam isn’t aware of the cough and vice versa. I often co-rx NSAID with PPI when for longer term use (in Canada we have a combo pill option called Vimovo). Either way good luck and hope you’re better soon! Usual disclaimer that this isn’t medical advice, just a tip to discuss.
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Thanks Alyssa for this! Yes, the meloxicam thing is a tricky one. Because on the one hand, I totally agree it could be related. But then, it also seems odd, because I actually took a pretty long pause from taking the meloxicam ((most of august) – which was when the cough really flared up! So unless I had already damage going on and stopping the NSAID didn’t immediately “fix” it? It’s confusing. The dr I saw about my cough was not the one who prescribed the NSAID- that was a spine doctor. But they now transitioned that prescription to my PCP (who saw me about the cough) and I did bring it up, so she should be aware! Interesting about that combo pill- that sounds like a good idea.
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UGH. Back pain is terrible! Mine comes and goes, and it sounds very different from yours- mine is muscular and I know exactly when I do something wrong that causes a flareup. But still I can relate- it is NO FUN to be in pain. I also have to wonder, like Alyssa, if the meloxicam is (unfortunately) related to the cough. I don’t know… I wish there were a quick answer I could give you, or even some good advice. It does seem unfair- you take care of yourself well, it feels like you shouldn’t be having these issues.
I hope the meloxicam calms down the pain for now. Moving forward… it’s still a mystery, which is super frustrating. But at least you still have your sense of humor (love the meme, haha!)
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I sometimes wish my pain was muscular because then I feel like maybe things like heat or massage would be more effective! When mine hurts, I always ask ivan to rub it but it really makes no difference. ha. I’m basically asking him to massage a bone….. yeah, not doing much! lol. I’m sorry that you deal with flare ups too though. Ugh, why?!
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I also have chronic back pain issues, that come and go. Like you I’ve been to doctors, physical therapy, chiropractor, etc. I was told it was due to SI joint issues. My primary form of exercise is strength training and I also avoid barbell squats and barbell deadlifts.
Have you considered the mind/body connection (also called TMS). There is a lot of resources out there, and I think the best is coming from Nicole Sachs and the Cure for chronic pain podcast. You can go through her episode list and find tons of episodes for back pain and listen to stories of people who have gone through this.
I can say that my overall pain is much better after considering the pain as mind/body and not structural, and also doing the related work (expressive journaling, meditation, therapy, etc). It’s not 100%, I get back pain when standing or walking too long, but I rarely have to take meds.
Good luck on your journey!
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Hi Jessica, thanks for these ideas. Such good thoughts. That’s amazing that you have found such relief! I will look more into this. I definitely believe in mind/body connections, though I hadn’t really considered that for my back. Will check out those resources and podcast!
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I have these exact thoughts all the time. I’m too young to be so achy. I think some of it is diet for me (when I did Whole30 I felt a lot less achy), but some of it is just…age? Sigh.
Right now, my right knee is causing my all kinds of grief. It’s only a specific range of motion that causes problems, but it feels like it will literally give out on me. I had the same thing a few years ago and it eventually went away, but I had like 6 months of decreased function.
Last winter when I was lifting at the gym regularly, I had an elbow that flared up and I had to completely adjust some exercises.
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Ugh, anything diet related and I am SO bad at making changes… but it is definitely a curious thing to think about how diet/ inflammatory foods/ etc COULD play a role! It’s all so complicated to sort out, though! I’m sorry about your knee. I’ve had weird stiffness and pain in one knee sometimes too- almost feels more like I’m just super inflexible in that knee, like I can barely cross it over my opposite leg, like in a #4 position, if that makes sense? But yet my other knee is fine. who knows. I should probably be doing more stretching etc. I am naturally quite inflexible and I think strength training actually is known to decrease flexibility as a side effect!
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Solidarity! Last year I started experiencing scary chest pains out of nowhere. Multiple trips to the doctor and lots of tests later, diagnosed with GERD/esophagitis. Fwiw, I was also told I could just go on PPIs for life and instead I changed my diet pretty dramatically for ~5 months then slowly reintegrated everything and the pain/symptoms haven’t been back since, and I’m off all the meds. So that’s my success story to share.
Regarding the back pain, following along for all solutions. I have similar low back pain and nothing has touched it. I can barely sit up let alone do any sort of bridge/side plank movement (i.e. the types of exercises that strengthen your lower back). It’s been two years and I’m overrrr it. But I’m still erring on the side of optimism and thinking that I’m just one exercise/PT/reel away from solving it, and hopefully you are too!
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Oh, that’s awesome that your GERD issues basically went away and haven’t come back, even with reintroduction! The daily med thing is a head scratcher for me. On the one hand, it sounds nice to just take a pill and not have to make other changes. Ha. BUT, I am no stranger to medical stuff and I know that most meds are not fully without some sort of other side effect. So, I am with you- I would rather not be on meds if not really necessary!
I’m so sorry you’re also dealing w/ back pain. That is such a bummer. For me, it’s very specific movements that really aggravate it. I am actually okay with bridges usually (not right now really with this flare, but overall), and I can do planks! But “hinge” movements- like you’d do to lean forward and pick up a child, for example, KILL me. I could barely get my pants on this morning because I needed to lean forward and I couldn’t… I feel like the meloxicam is really the biggest thing that has made a difference for me. I did a bunch of chiropractor sessions and also PT (although, okay, I probably was subpar on my follow up/ doing the exercises at home…) and neither seemed to help at all! I feel like just being really consistent with my regular strength training, doing more core, and taking the meloxicam has made the biggest difference for me (minus this current issue!)
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So sorry to hear the back pain came back. I can totally share the frustration about physical decline after 40s. The maintenance required to feel normal is way more than 30s. Which means we are much less resilient to shocks (bad habits) than younger. It’s something hard to accept but not her way than just accept it takes more time. I had knee issue for two months, never had it before for almost 10 years of running. I can only blame to aging.
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I definitely relate. I’m 42 and over the past 5 years esp have had so many random issues come up. GI stuff (long bouts of severe nausea, LPR), throwing out my neck doing absolutely nothing, shoulder pain for months from absolutely nothing, skin/allergy issues I’ve never had before, and my knees are definitely not great, super creaky and prone to stiffness and soreness after doing a lot of stairs or multiple days of running. I know I need to work on strengthening my quads/hamstrings etc. to better support them… but I rolled my ankle playing tennis 7 months ago and in doing so tore three ligaments and fractured my foot, which didn’t exactly help matters! 😭 It’s been an adjustment and I’m more careful and cautious than ever but also more gentle/understanding toward myself. I think hormonal fluctuations contribute to a lot of it. Just way more volatility/unpredictableness than in the past, and much more marked effects throughout my body in all sorts of unexpected/unprecedented ways. Frustrating but something I have to accept I mostly can’t control and need to manage/adjust around as much as I can.
Sorry to hear of the back pain. My husband has a partially herniated disc in his very low back for years now and was getting fed up with pain/stiffness so did 6 months of 2x/wk PT last year and it helped a lot (even beyond the completion). It was a big time commitment/scheduling challenge though. And it’s still not perfect by any means now, unf.
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Oh Kae, that sounds rough. It’s such a mental blow when your body throws up roadblocks, especially when you’re staying active and doing all the right things.
I hope the Meloxicam helps calm things down so you can enjoy volleyball again without pain.
Like so many other commenters, I can relate. I’m 57 and have been stuck with a stubborn hamstring niggle for 4 months now that just won’t budge, no matter what I throw at it. It really wears you down after a while.
Fingers crossed you’re feeling better by next week’s game!
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I’m late to the party, but I empathize with this so much, Kae! I feel like I turned 40 and everything fell apart. Plantar fasciitis, back pain, weight gain, rosacea, insomnia. UGH. I am now 44 and things are better; none of those things are GONE, but I’ve figured out how to (mostly) manage them. No words of wisdom but I’m really sorry you’re going through it! I have faith you will find a way through it, though.
Giggling at your volleyball team name!
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