On Sunday I ran to T.J.Maxx looking for a new little bralette for sleeping in, because a very cute, curly haired friend chewed the strap off of my old but beloved one. (My fault for leaving it on the floor… he really doesn’t chew on things anymore, except socks and/or undergarments of any kind are fair game. Haha.)
I ended up grabbing a few other items too, so while in the (busy) dressing room trying on, I overheard a few women that were there shopping together.
While eavesdropping (I mean, I couldn’t help it! Can’t exactly turn my ears off…), I heard:
Woman A: “What do you think? How does this make me look?”
Woman B: “Well, you don’t look skinny. But you look good!”
HA. At first I thought, Ouch, harsh! But then I was like, you know what, I think I’d rather have an honest friend with me in the dressing room.
And also, she’s right! So the lady doesn’t look skinny. I am assuming, based on this interaction alone (I didn’t actually see the woman), that Woman A is not “skinny”. So I guess, yeah, why would she look skinny? You know? But that doesn’t mean that the dress looked bad on her, or that she didn’t look good overall. So what if she didn’t look “skinny”? Is “skinny” synonymous with “good”? No, I don’t think so.
They kept trying stuff on, and after a little bit I heard:
Woman A: “Ugh, no. I hate this. I feel disgusting. Come on, let’s just go.”
😥
Dressing room lighting is EVIL, I can attest to that. I often generally despise how I look in dressing rooms too. WHY the need for floodlight strength bright white lights?!! Like, I need to see the outfit, ok, but I do not need to see every vein in my leg or every little mark on my face and every single bump on my body. It’s not an operating room; we are not performing surgery inside T.J.Maxx. Also, yes, I am white, I realize this, but the lighting usually makes my skin look so awfully pale that it looks like it’s never seen a day of sunlight. HA.
So I get it that none of us probably likes how we look in a dressing room. But it still struck me to hear her say out loud and so emphatically, “I feel disgusting“.
Disgust is a strong word. Especially to feel about oneself. And the extra sad/ scary thing is- I highly doubt she was the only woman in T.J.Maxx thinking she looked or felt “disgusting” that day. .
I guess I don’t really have any profound words to say on this topic, besides just that it sucks that so many women go around feeling so AWFUL about their bodies all the time. Seriously, there must be a solution to this? This is just… not okay.
On a positive note, I ended up spontaneously buying a bunch of great t-shirts! I have been needing to replace a bunch of my casual tees/tops but hadn’t gotten around to looking for any.
Well, on a whim, I happened to see a rack full of amazingly soft, perfectly cut tees in colors and styles that are right up my alley! And I think they were like $12.99 each. I love them!
I also found a pair of wide leg white cropped linen pants and a light green cropped pair that will both be perfect for summer.
I did not end up finding a good bralette replacement, but oh well.
Also…. drumroll please…. look who is FULLY PACKED a full five days before her trip?!?!
Yep, it’s me! I got all packed on Monday (THANK GOD for a 3 day weekend right now- really needed this). I helped the boys pack their bags on Sunday, and Ivan packed his stuff last night.
If people are interested in how/what I packed in my backpack for two full weeks in Hawaii, I can do another packing post like this one, which I wrote before our Costa Rica trip.
Although, fair warning, I am, as SHU described me, more of a packing maximalist! 😅 So do not look to me for tips on how to pack super minimally. LOL LOL!
There are (whispering in embarrassment) 25 tops in my backpack. Yes, it’s true.
Before you attack me for being a Crazy Person, let me just explain… this includes:
- 9 “athletic tanks” (i.e. what I think I’ll be wearing out hiking/ exploring most days. We technically have 16 full days on this trip, so this seems fair?)
- 7 “other tanks” (sort of random, but just casual tanks I’d throw on to go to the beach, or down for tea, or possibly just out and about. Do I need 7? Nope! But I like them all in different ways and couldn’t decide and they fit, so…..😆)
- 9 “nicer” tops/tanks (what I would wear out for dinner at night with linen pants or shorts, etc.)
I mean. Okay, yes, this is probably overkill. I HEAR YOU.
But I don’t know exactly what we’ll do every day. I don’t know if I’ll change every night for dinner, or if we’ll just stop to eat on our way back from our outings. I don’t know if it will rain and we’ll end up at a museum! Or maybe I’ll end up just throwing on my swimsuit coverup most days for the beach and I won’t touch half the stuff I’m bringing. I just don’t know for sure! So I can’t exactly plan out my days like, ok, this outfit Monday, this outfit Tuesday… I’m going to have to play it by ear.
But I do know that I don’t really love re-wearing stuff on vacation if I can help it. I know this goes firmly against how many other people pack.
I was talking with Ivan though and I finally realized- you know what? At home I dress really boring most days. I live in my black leggings and exercise clothes and just general comfy WFH stuff.
So on vacation, I think I actually enjoy trying to dress a little cuter for a change! It feels good to me and I think it’s fun. We take a lot of family photos and I like looking back and feeling like I was relatively put together. I also enjoy feeling like I sort of “fit the part” of wherever I am (i.e. if I’m at the beach, I like wearing stuff that feels “beachy” to me. Like lighter fabrics, some bright fun colors that pop against a bit of a suntan, etc.).
Anyway, this only works because these tops are little and roll up easily. Obviously if I were going to a cold place, this would NOT work. I definitely could take out like, half, and still have plenty to wear.
If I have time, I’ll try to pop a post up with specific pics of everything I’ve packed, just for fun. People seemed to say they like packing posts when I did it last time!
I am only bringing this red Osprey backpack (carryon) + my small grey messenger bag (personal item) for under the seat. AND my backpack is only like ~20.5 lbs at the moment, so it’s still well under the 22 lb weight limit! 😉 So even despite clearly not packing “minimally”, hey. I still fit within the parameters. lol. I call this a win.
Basically, if you’re kind of an overpacker, I’m your girl, and I’m here to support you. 😂😂
Tell me your thoughts on fitting rooms! Also, be gentle (lol), but go ahead and tell me your thoughts on my packing approach. hehe!!
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for this first day with NO SCHOOL for both boys!! Yesterday was Asher’s last day:
Also, a bonus gratitude…. this sky on my way into Target last night:
GRATEFUL KAE 
Big hugs to having a connection to the victim. As we are both parents of new drivers, this is our worst nightmare and I wish them peace in the upcoming days. I have not been in a fitting room since my kids were born and order items online or do pick-up, and send back/return if needed. The closest is watching my oldest try on formals for school dances. I’ve also made it a practice not to comment on my body in front of kids. The closest they’ve heard is “I should lose a few pounds to get to a healthier weight” (that is true). This really helps my mentality too! It might be working because my daughter wears a lot of halters (something I never wore on my best day) and we’ve actually had the talk many times about how you cannot wear that in church. You’ll look great in that red tank! I really love the color.
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Such big topics.
I am so sorry for the loss of teens in their prime of life. Accidents are unspeakably unfair and horrific and I wish with all my heart I could take this pain away from your BIL’s girlfriend and the other families intertwined with this event. Hugs to you all.
Body image is ROUGH. I think what does make me feel a bit better lately is the fact that I’m slowly realizing everyone else is so worried about how they look they probably don’t give two hoots what I look like. But, yes, it’s a regular battle for me. I wonder, too, if I’m learning that I should dress in clothes that make me feel good. Some things objectively make me look…bigger (and yes, generally, smaller is what women want, right?!)…and other clothes that are more flattering. I’m trying to wear things that feel good and I’m confident in. For example, I am NOT confident in any bathing suit, but I also hate swimming in the ocean so…why do I need to be in a bathing suit much this summer. I can wear light summer dresses over bike shorts or a baggy romper and feel wayyyy more comfortable at the beach.
I think you should pack exactly how you want to. There is no right and wrong way. You always look fabulous in your vacation pictures and so I say run with it!
Also, I’m sending a dump truck FULL OF GOLD STARS to be delivered to your front door. You are packed so far in advance!!
I have to chuckle that you walked out without a bralette, though. Isn’t that the way…
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Oh that is a heartbreaking end to the post. That is every parents worst nightmare. I hope to never outlive my children.
I think you packed more tops than I currently own! Lol. But there is no “right” way to pack – it’s so specific to the person. Phil brings a duffle bag for every trip regardless of the length so he is a true minimalist when it comes to packing. He would very much disagree that I am a minimalist when it comes to packing but it depends on what your benchmark is! Compared to him, I pack a lot. Compare to the average woman I think I pack far less. But I don’t own a lot of clothes so I don’t have a ton of options to choose from and I’m in the stage where I might have to pick up the toddler or comfort him if he falls, so I could have snot and other bodily fluid wiped on me (hope that does not gross you out, but you are a nurse and a mom so it likely won’t). So I don’t think too much about what I wear and focus on packing things that are comfortable that I can crouch in and not risk showing undergarments. So the bar is REAL low. I also often don’t pack makeup on person trips either – or a blowdryer! I am very low maintenance on personal travel. Work travel is a different story since I have to look presentable.
I should pick up some more casual tops for weekends, though. I don’t love shopping and I really don’t love trying things on in dressing rooms. The convos you overheard are not too surprising to me sadly… body image is a tough topic. But it really awful to hear someone describe themselves as disgusting… but there is so much self-hate, especially for women. I’m working on accepting my body for what it is right now. Things have adjusted post-kids so I think part of the reason I don’t feel pulled to shop is that I don’t feel excited about my approaching mid-40s/potentially perimenopausal mom body I guess you could say. But I miss the time when it was more fun and exciting to shop!
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That conversation in the closet is sooooo common. I never understood the lighting system either, so unflattering.
I love your new purchases. so many variety of colors.
And yes, I am a minimalist packer, very unlike you, hahaha… because I used to overpack and come back with clean clothes which I regretted later. But you do you 🙂
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I’m so sorry to hear about the teens’ deaths. That is incredibly sad. My condolences to your brother-in-law and the mother.
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That is just TERRIBLE. I can’t even imagine what the family is going through right now- the sadness would just be unbearable. I think about things like this when my son is out driving- it could happen to anyone.
On a much lighter note, I was also in TJ Maxx yesterday and I didn’t have QUITE your level of success, but I did get one shirt for myself and two for my daughter. I also overheard two women in the dressing room- the first one kept saying “I look fat, right?” The other one said “You don’t look FAT, it just doesn’t flatter you.” I also didn’t see what these women looked like. i’ll bet we could go to a clothing store at any time and hear conversations like this in the fitting room.
Yes, I want to see more details on your packing! I totally get what you’re saying- hey, as long as everything fits, you’re bringing the right amount of stuff!
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When I was in high school, two of my classmates were killed in a car accident. It honestly had a huge impact on how I’ve lived my life since then because it showed me as a teenager how fleeting life could be. Sending loving thoughts to the grieving families of those teenagers.
I think about the disgust/contempt think pretty regularly because it’s one of the first things that can really damage a relationship (think of a marriage when one person is contemptuous of the other and how impossible it is to resolve an issue with someone if you feel condescension or are sneering at them). And if you are disgusted WITH YOURSELF, how do you fix that? How do you fix that relationship with your own self-esteem? It seems complicated and knotty.
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There’s nothing better than an epic TJ Maxx haul. Come to think of it, I haven’t been there in a while so I should probably do something about that.
For my long weekend trips I underpack – it’s only 3 days, I’m usually by myself, and the activities are all casual. But for my big trip back to Wisconsin I will be overpacking. I’ll be gone a bit longer than a week, I won’t have a washing machine, and it’s impossible to tell whether it will be shorts or jeans weather. Oh right I’m leaving early tomorrow morning and I haven’t started packing yet…eek!
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I am so heartbroken about the Ivan’s brother’s girlfriend’s daughter. This is a parent’s worst nightmare, a promising life cut short 😦
Re: the fitting room conversation, I agree that the light usually is terrible. Why don’t they change that? Wouldn’t it help sell more clothing if women saw themselves in flattering light? (You’d think!)
I wanna second what Elisabeth said though. I think it’s all about clothes that make us feel good (in my opinion, those are usually also the clothes that flatter us the most).
I am amazed that you’re all packed 5 days before your trip. What do you wear in the next 5 days? I’d probably have to do laundry a couple of days before I leave for a trip because there’s always something else that I want to take LOL
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I love reading your packing rants. I am the complete opposite of you, but it is so fun to see the other side of the coin. I really mean that. Of course, I would probably travel with you and be very envious of all of your different outfits, but I don’t really want to carry them all, or worry about packing, for myself. I am just a lazy packer, which translates to minimalist. I don’t want to have to think, hence less things. But I am a good friend to have, as I would always make you look good, well put together, and fresh (and not smelly, at this point!)
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