Whew, TGIF. This was a fine week, really, but I had work-releated things Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday that I was either just not super excited about and/or made me a little anxious.
On Wednesday, in particular, due to an absence of the person who normally does this, I had to facilitate a certain meeting series for the first time (1.5 hour long meeting) with lots of key, important attendees. It was not a “big deal”, really; I didn’t even exactly have to “present”, just facilitate the meeting.
It’s a little hard to explain without going into all the details, but we were reviewing some adverse patient cases, basically. So I had to share my screen with the summary write-ups, and then try and guide the conversation while we worked to capture key contributing factors, identify action items, improvement ideas, etc. The providers did most of the actual discussing of the cases, obviously.
But I just hadn’t exactly done this before, in this way. I feel like I’m more comfortable just presenting, actually, because then you know your topic and can prepare and just talk.
Here, there’s the technical/ virtual aspect (multiple screens and sharing and can I see the participants and is the right thing up there at the right time and making sure I don’t accidentally share my chat box or email inbox… 😆), but also trying to LISTEN to the very technical medical conversation and comprehend it and think about it while also trying to summarize what they’re saying so I can fill out this Action Items/ Factors sheet at the same time (up on the screen, so typing stuff with people watching me, lol, and trying to not make typos or put something inaccurate) and then still ask appropriate questions or guide the conversation….all while truthfully feeling a little nervous.
I felt like I was trying to pat my head and rub my belly at the same time. While being watched. Haha.
I don’t know, I am sure most of you badass businesswomen reading this would be like, “Um, what’s the big deal?! Sounds like typical work meeting stuff.” But remember: I’m a NURSE. lol. I didn’t learn how to run meetings or present stuff in school, nor was it ever part of my career for the past… oh…. ~18.5 years. It’s really just in the last year or two that my career has completely changed where I’m now suddenly doing all of this (and progressively more and more).
So, I have been spending an almost uncomfortable amount of time in the so-called “growth zone”. (Some days, maybe a little closer to the red zone, haha….).
It’s not bad! These are good skills to learn. I know this. But, I think some people are maybe more natural in this area? Or maybe they just fake it better than I do, I don’t know. Some people are naturally super outgoing and comfortable in front of anyone, anytime, anywhere.
I actually am not exactly a super reserved, quiet wallflower, but it takes me a little longer to warm up to things. I’m not naturally confident right off the bat. I feel nervous about stumbling over my words, or making a mistake, or not knowing something I “should”, or saying the wrong thing, or saying something stupid, lol, or basically just somehow making a fool of myself. (This particular group of attendees are all… nice people, but quite serious. And maybe not always the most tolerant of inadequacy? lol. They’re all the highest up surgical and medical providers in our department, basically….I guess deep down I probably also have a little bit of an internal complex feeling like, ok, I’m not at “their level”, in any way, and everyone here knows it. 🤣 Which is silly, because I’m not supposed to be, I have a completely different role! I contribute in different ways and have different strengths…).
Anyway, it went fine, I think, though we’re always the hardest on ourselves. I felt like I maybe came across a little awkward (or, maybe that was just in my head…) and was relieved when it was done. 😵💫
I think with all of this I struggle some from “imposter syndrome”. You know, where you feel like, I don’t really know how to do this but everyone ELSE knows how and I’m just the dumb one over here…. Even though I know I’m a perfectly intelligent, capable person, capable of learning and doing these skills. And I’m sure everyone else does not always know everything, either. 🙃
Ok, time to pick up Asher from an early swim practice! Happy Friday!!
P.S. I’d welcome any “career advice” on the above too! I’m sure I have some readers who could do all the stuff I described that makes me nervous with their eyes closed 😅… or have had to do a lot of learning/ growing in their careers.
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for a beautiful orange moon this morning that greeted me when I opened the garage door at 5:15 a.m.!
GRATEFUL KAE 
Oh boy- hearing your description of how to facilitate the meeting made my head spin. There may be people who think that’s no big deal, but I’m not one of them!
From what I understand, almost everyone suffers from imposter syndrome. Actually, I would be happy to hear from someone who doesn’t (I’m going to check back in the comments later to see if anyone says they don’t). It’s not just at work, but I have this vague feeling that everyone else somehow understands how to navigate through life, and I don’t. Like a lot of things, it’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older- maybe because there’s more and more proof that, why yes I AM getting through life just fine. But I still have it. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?
I hope you get some time to relax this weekend!
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I don’t have any career advice but the first time is the hardest and it sounds like you have had a lot of first times recently.
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Yes, you hit the nail on the head. I think I hadn’t really paused to think about the fact that I really HAVE had to learn and do a ton of new things/first times/outside my comfort zone things in the last year or so. It’s not a bad thing, but sometimes I feel like I wish I could have a minute to get actually comfortable and acclimated to one thing before it’s like… ok on to the next new thing! Kind of keeps a low level anxiety feeling buzzing along so much of the time, versus being able to dip in and out of the comfort zone to the growth zone and back to comfort zone to breathe a little… it’s been a long time remaining in that heightened growth zone range without any breaks to let things settle/simmer!
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I am comfortable in my career and no not get a lot of opportunities for growth unless their are “self-imposed” – I may transition into administration some time but I don’t want to give up my summers off.
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Ooh, yes, the summers off would definitely be HARD to give up!! I think there’s always that question of work/life balance, and I don’t think everyone desires to keep “climbing the ladder”, either. I know for me, it’s really not been a big focus. I am happy to advance my skills and career as it feels right, and in a natural way. But I also am not one who is out there always looking for that next big rung to climb, nor do I have aspirations to “work my way to the very top” or anything! I care a lot about work/life balance and I have so many non-work things I’m interested in spending my time on outside of work, too. My main focus in life is not just “how big can I make my career”.
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I think I’m going to ask you next week if any other attendees of that meeting actually have any feedback that you did anything wrong, Kae.
To give you advice, Kae, I think I’ll ask for some details. What I’m going to ask you today is: a). This is a video meeting where you’re required to both share your screen and leave the camera on at your end, while you also need to fill in some forms where everyone can see you typing in real time, where you also need to ask questions relevant to the meeting or guide the conversation. Is that right? b). It’s more straightforward to just do presentations. So, you’ve done presentations before, is that right? And c). The person who normally does this left suddenly, leaving you no time to practice for this role. Is that right?
I’m sorry that I’m asking you this many questions, Kae, but to give you advice, I must first make sure I understand the situation.
In the meantime, I do need to do a lot of learning/growing in my career, yes.
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Yep, that’s right! To b, I have done a little bit in way of presentations, but still not a lot there, either. I’m just not very experienced leading/facilitating/presenting in general, but between the two, I have slightly more experience with just presenting. And to c, the person who normally does it is still there, she just had an appointment and was unexpectedly unable to attend the meeting. I learned that I would step in just 2 days before the meeting. It’s also a difficult thing to really “practice”, just given that it depends on the flow of the conversation and outcomes of the discussion. That’s another challenge! And no, no one gave me any negative feedback or anything (at least not directly to me! haha.).
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Very well, Kae. I’ll write up my conclusions so far, but it’ll be over 1000 words.
So the overall situation in the last year or so is that as you are doing a ton of new things/first times/outside your comfort zone, you don’t get to have a minute to get actually comfortable and acclimated to one thing before starting the next new thing. I can think of 3 effects of that situation. First, we can make mistakes the 1st time we do something. If we constantly take on the next new thing, it could mean we’re constantly making mistakes. Second, the above situation means that you must now spend much longer hours at work each week, which can obviously be a problem. Third, if you don’t get to have a minute to get actually comfortable and acclimated to one thing, you could potentially forget how to do that thing after a while. If any of these 3 effects sound like what you’re facing, then I think I can make sense of what makes your anxiety feel like it is buzzing along so much of the time.
So what I’m going to ask you now is if it is the case that you just have no control over how rapidly you must do the new things/first times/outside your comfort zone things one after another and that you have no control over the opportunity to get actually comfortable and acclimated to any one thing. If that is the case, we’ll then think about where we can go from there.
I actually have done a dozen or so presentations in my career. I have found that if I prepare for the presentations beforehand, the results will almost always be as I expected and, more often than not, satisfactory to my audiences, too. Preparing for the presentations – especially in the past – implies that I’ll first write down the script, and then recite the script verbatim – to the extent that I can recite the whole script without errors or pauses. If I can do that, I know that there will be almost no problems afterward.
However, the meetings that you need to coordinate are not the same as you doing presentations, and they certainly cannot be prepared beforehand, which means that I’d better turn back to the situation at hand. Since the person who normally does this does this all the time, you can ask for her advice too. If anything that I write from here on is not compatible with her advice, please stick with her advice. But for one thing, I wonder if there is an agenda for the meeting before the meeting begins, and if there is, do you have access to it. I would also like to know if you can make the video meeting software that you use record only certain apps on your computer or record only a portion of a screen. If that’s possible, then you at least won’t record your own typing actions on screen and avoid others seeing you typing in real time, thus eliminating at least one element of this situation.
The next time that you coordinate this type of meeting, Kae, I think you can contemplate if it is possible to specifically ask each and every attendee if you’ve done anything wrong. So this is where you can think about your preferences. If you don’t go and ask every attendee after the meeting, you’ll ruminate in your head over and over again about how inadequate you’ve been in that meeting, and the most effective way that I know of to stop ruminating like that is to actually go and ask each and every attendee. But there’ll be unintended consequences for asking each and every attendee if you’ve done anything wrong in that meeting, if I understand correctly. This, I think, really comes down to whether you prefer to face the unintended consequences of asking every attendee if you’ve done anything wrong in that meeting or prefer to live with the non-stop rumination about how inadequate you’ve been in that meeting. I think either choice is fine, and there is no right or wrong choice. But I’m afraid that you will need to choose one.
Of course, there is a problem on my part that I haven’t solved, which is whether or not I’ve actually done something like coordinating this type of meeting in the past, and if I have not – and I think it is quite likely that I have not – how qualified I am to advice others. In the past, I have visited new potential clients to introduce my products and hence needed to prepare for the various potential questions that he/she had for me, and I know how to handle that situation, but I cannot then claim that it is the same situation as the situation that you described in this blog post, Kae. I’ll put links to 4 videos below so that you can tell me if the meeting that you coordinated is like the meetings in these 4 videos.
I’m not saying I endorse the specific content in any of the 4 videos above. But in the 1st video, no screens are shared; in the 2nd and 3rd video, the screens are not shared for the majority of the meeting; in the 4th video, the coordinators and the presenters seem to take turns to share their screens, but I assume that in your case, Kae, it’s your screen that singularly gets shared throughout the majority of the meeting. No one is typing notes while they’re sharing screens in any video above, either. So I suppose that none of the 4 videos above reflect the meeting that you were in, Kae.
As you can see, I’m still making sense of and figuring out what exactly it is that you need to do in this role, Kae. If I can figure that out, I’ll even consider doing a mock meeting – although I’m likely to be the only attendee – and mimic what you do. One thing I do know, though, is that if I’m in this role that you’re in one day, Kae, I will become proficient at it sooner or later. I’m not questioning that. As a result, I do have confidence in you, Kae.
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I do have to facilitate that kind of meeting at times, at times with very senior people, and I can reassure you that it IS hard – even when you have done this before. I can also 100% guarantee that the senior specialists in that meeting would have been intimidated by that kind of role you had in the meeting, and grateful they weren’t the ones juggling the presentation, facilitating discussion AND taking notes. (I personally know a couple of specialists who are very esteemed in their field, yet get very nervous and intimidated by public speaking, for example). I know what you mean about finding the growth zone a bit exhausting – last year I had a lot of “firsts” that were intimidating, and I remember thinking – I think I want to play small for a while! HA.
Brene Brown talks about FFTs – “f***ing first times”, and how hard and unpleasant they are for EVERYONE. Imposter syndrome comes out to play big time for so many of us. Whenever I’m facing something new, I just remind myself – I’m going through an FFT right now. It will be easier next time. I’m sure you did a great job!
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Thanks for that reassurance! That does make me feel better to know that others may feel the same way. I think my colleague who normally does this is especially SKILLED in this area- really, she is amazing at it- but I also know, she didn’t just start doing it yesterday! I am sure she developed it over a span of years, and probably her very first time also did not look like how she does it know. What’s the saying about “don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20”?
And I hadn’t heard that by Brene Brown, but I like that!! It really is so true. That first time doing something new/ scary is definitely the worst.
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I completely understand what you are going through! I remember getting that feeling when I had to call clients to take them through their accounts. Basically we had to review their investments, then call them and walk them through what the markets did, how their investments did and then find out if their cash needs were still the same or if we should be reallocating anything for future needs. This sounds simple, but in my mind, I was like…what if they ask me a question I can’t answer!? The funny part is that if my Mom asked me a question, I would be able to answer it, as I do know the answer, but having a rich dude who owns a bunch of companies ask me the same question just felt intimidating.
Of course, in the end, everyone asks the same questions, like “where do you see the market going?” and oftentimes the answer is I don’t know, and that was something I had to be okay saying, instead of stressing that I needed to make something smart or witty up! So, I am sure your participants are the same in that, if you have to say I don’t know, or just a sec, or oops, wrong slide, I don’t think it will be the end of the world. You don’t have to know everything, or know HOW to do everything the first time, and I always feel for someone if they tell me, “ha, this is my first time so just bear with me.” It puts me in their shoes and I am more patient.
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Yes, I think something that frustrates me so much is how I just can’t always “think straight” when I’m a bit more under pressure. It’s annoying! Sometimes in the moment I swear my brain just kind of shuts down a little, even though in a moment of more calm, I am sure I would easily be able to answer or handle the situation. I know I also am prone to “escalating” situations in my head or making them bigger or more important than they really are..
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Presenting and sharing your screen is so tricky. I have gotten better at this and I have learned to only share the application I am sharing (like a power point or excel, etc) rather than my whole screen. Or if I need to share multiple applications, I move them to the screen that doesn’t have teams message alerts so those don’t come up when I am sharing my screen. But I have had a ton of practice at this since I do hundreds of calls a year! And they are typically lower stakes calls than what you facilitated this week.
We are always harder on ourselves than others are on us, though! I struggle with that as well. And I also have imposter syndrome at times. Like who am I to make suggestions on investments? But I do have the training, credentials, and expertise to make recommendations. So I try to work past that uncomfortable feeling. Like you, my job has changed so much in the last 2 years so it’s been a time of growth but also much, much higher stress!!
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Feeling imposter syndrome is part of growth, you nailed it. We all started to do something we are not used to and feel we are not born with this skill. most of the time it’s just lack of practice and feel comfortable doing it. Public speaking is one for me, I used to get so nervous in front of the audience, can’t sleep well for long, and feeling out of place. Then with more practice, with years of experience, I don’t get nervous anymore. Am I a nature public speaker? no. Do I have room for improvement? plenty. But at least I don’t feel nervous and anxious as before.
I remind myself often that when I feel uncomfortable, it’s a good thing because it means I’m getting out of my comfort zone. Ideally I want that to be 20% of my work, so I can still fall back to familiar task.
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I just learned that one of my longest, oldest coworkers – who took the buyout and will be leaving next week – who is well respected in her field suffers from imposter syndrome. She confessed to me that she feels like after a 31-year career in her field, she got “away with it”… I could not believe it.
So yes, I think most people – esp. women? – suffer from imposter syndrome (I definitely do!) but are good at hiding it. I am sure NOBODY in this meeting thought that you were in over your head…
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