Bad day, Deep thoughts, Wisdom

Worry

Today is the day! The kids go back to school today. Crazy. 

Hard to believe that the last time they set foot in school for actual “school” purposes was Thursday, March 12th. We left for Mexico that afternoon and picked them up early from school. Who would have thought that they wouldn’t be going back until September 16?? 

They are excited to go back. They are less excited about needing to be up, ready and out the door by 7:35 this morning. 🙂

Yesterday I intended to try to “savor” the boys’ last day home. I booked a slot at the pool to go for a swim with Asher, as we did many times earlier in the summer. (We haven’t lately, as his real swim practices have picked back up.) I told him we could go get chicken biscuits after and sit outside like we sometimes would. 

Well, we did. And overall, it was okay. But he was in a bad mood due to a disagreement with Ethan over something that happened earlier in the morning. So, he took it out on me. Finally I got him to snap out of it, but by then I was crabby. 

The swimming felt good, and we did get our chicken biscuits, so that part was really nice. But when I got home, I’m not sure what happened. I started worrying about a bunch of stuff! Several minor things set me off, and then I just spiraled down the tubes. 

I worried about a couple of specific things related to the boys. I worried about some stuff related to our house. I worried about some time that I wasted. I worried about things in the future that I want to turn out a certain way, but I can’t really control. I worried about something in the neighborhood that annoys me. I compared myself to someone online and then I worried about that. 

Worry. Worry. Worry. I am a worrier. 

I wish I could say that I’m not, but that would be a lie. I just am. I am constantly working on this. 

I saved this image a few months ago and have looked back at it often when I get in these moods:

image from 5amjoel

I feel a little better just typing this, by admitting this to the world. (Or at least the small part of the world that reads my blog.) I am so much more aware of this about myself now than I used to be. 


Even yesterday, at several points throughout the day I found myself thinking, “You are worrying. Stop. You are in control of this day- you can choose to turn this around at any moment.” 

It’s not really an instant fix, but the awareness helps me to at least recognize what is going on, instead of just ending up totally overwhelmed. 

I took a few breaths.
I called my mom to talk.
I took a few minutes to straighten up the house, which is calming to me.
I drank a soda. (okay, maybe I don’t recommend this one, but it tasted good and felt like a treat in the middle of the afternoon.)
I listened to a podcast.
I pulled the above image out of my email folder and looked at it.
I went for a walk before bed. What a gorgeous evening it was.

I’m going to try to be more like this guy. He just hopped right across the sidewalk, in the dark, not a worry in the world that a gigantic human could be walking by at any moment and could squash him!!!

Last day of “summer”…kind of?
Lunches in the fridge, masks (plus extras) and water bottles ready to go! (no water fountains this year, of course, so they need to make sure to remember their water bottles everyday.)
Daily Gratitude:
I am grateful for beautiful weather yesterday. I’m grateful to live in a neighborhood that is perfect for walking in, too. 




2 thoughts on “Worry

  1. I am a worrier, too. I think it's a female thing. I am sure there are men that worry but I know very few women who aren't worriers! I have gotten a bit better about not worrying so much, but I still worry more than I should a lot of what I worry about doesn't happen… And yet I waste time/energy worrying!

    I hope they have a great first day back at school. It will be an adjustment to get used to being out the door so early after 6+ months of not having to do that! But they'll get back on that schedule with time and will probably just be a bit extra grumpy for the next couple of weeks… and need more sleep on the weekends! We are in the midst of a transition here since Pablo is moving up to a new room at school and he's getting his last 2 molars… so he's been over tired and over emotional. Good times! 😉

  2. sorry to hear you had a crappy day when something exciting is happening with the boys. I think we all have those days that a series of small events have the power of sending us to the rabbit holes. Being mindful and aware that's happening helps to know that you'll get out of it.
    I used to be more worrier than I am today, i think the change came when I learned that many things are out of my control (good and bad), the only thing I can control is the effort I put in, so as long as I'm preparing for the worse while doing my best for the desired outcome, I am at peace.
    hope you feel better today.

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