|Wish I were sitting back here this morning|
Since I changed jobs a few years ago and generally feel much happier with my work/life balance and my job overall, I don’t typically dread the workweek or count down until it’s over. So I don’t really embrace the whole “TGIF” thing too much.
But today, TGIF.
This week has kinda sucked. Not because of work, but just the “feel” of the week. Everything has felt disorganized, out of whack, and overwhelming. Probably has to do with getting home from our trip late on Sunday and then jumping right into a busy week, with no room to unpack or reorganize. It’s kind of a bummer, because I had such a relaxing and refreshing trip, and I feel like none of those feelings have carried over into my week back in reality here. ☹
I have been feeling a lot of what I’ll call “parenting fatigue” right now.
Remember this post? Well, we are still plugging away at those 203 days, and I’m trying to not even think about the fact that they mightstill be home into the fall (if the school plans fall through).
Maybe it’s not nice to say, but I just feel very tired of all the day to day parenting stuff right now. Like, I’m tired of enforcing rules. I’m tired of monitoring screen time. I’m tired of reminding people to pick up their stuff. I’m tired of doling out consequences as needed. I’m tired of (failing) to keep some sort of schedule going around here. I’m tired of someone coming to my office to let me know that the hamster peed on the ottoman and what should it be cleaned up with. I’m tired of people needing my help.
Overall my kids are well behaved enough and everything, but I think it’s just that they are always around. Also, I think the issue is this: if I just let them have a total free for all and holed up in my office, my day would probably be relatively stress free. They wouldn’t burn the house down or anything.
But in order for them to have any sort of “productive” day (and summer) that involves more than video games, TV, playing outside and meals of Goldfish crackers from the box (and honestly, leaving messes everywhere), I need to be involved somewhat, or at least oversee that some other activities happen, some sort of schedule is being followed, screen time limits are enforced and the house doesn’t fall apart.
And that’s the part I’m tired of. Sometimes, I feel like I just don’t care.I just want to sit in my office, do my work and be left alone. You know, like when they are at school or summer camps.
We had been doing pretty well I thought, schedule wise, but the wheels just kind of seemed to fall off this week, in many ways. Late nights (the dog thing didn’t help….), laundry, stuff all over from our trip, Ethan’s birthday party, work stuff, misc. household items to deal with…everything just kind of piled up it seems and I definitely didn’t use the organizational/ productivity tools that I have to deal with it.
I think I’ll be done now. I didn’t intend to turn this post into a vent session. I already did that yesterday, twice- once with Ivan when he got home from work (leading him to saying, “Why are you yelling at me?”….to which I replied, ”I’m not yelling at YOU, I’m yelling at the SIUTATION!”…hehe) and once to my Mom on the phone.
I did take some time last night to attempt to regroup some- I took a long, hot bath and later I played the piano for almost an hour. I feel slightly better about things but I think ultimately I need to take some time this weekend to just get reorganized and back on track. I also told Ivan already that I want some big chunks of uninterrupted time to do some stuff without being responsible for the kids’ random needs. 😊
I wish the library or coffee shops were open. I’m really in the mood to just go sit in one alone for a few hours.
I am grateful today for:
-10 minutes on the deck before this, listening to the birds
-my red Ouray, CO tea mug that I love drinking my tea out of
-the space heater in my office that keeps me warm when my basement gets cold
-delicious Chinese food takeout leftovers I had for dinner last night
-the music from The Phantom of the Opera