Good Thursday morning!
|An exercise Asher’s teacher assigned- keep a cookie on his wrist while doing some scales to make sure he didn’t drop his wrist! He had fun with that. And, he got to eat the cookie when he was done.|
I listened to a very thought-provoking podcast episode the other day on the “Edit Your Life” podcast and wanted to share in case anyone is interested (site website here). (Of note, it was recorded just before the pandemic- so it is also a bit refreshing in that there are no COVID-19 references within it!)
The episode title was “Finding Middle Ground in Parenting” and the hosts interviewed a psychotherapist about differences between men and women when it comes to how they parent. I found it really interesting! He talked a lot about how girls and boys are socialized differently from young ages (the episode does include some generalizations, but the hosts are very forthcoming about this) and how this later affects how moms and dads end up feeling differently about parenting (and acting differently!).
You should be able to listen here (or just search in Apple Podcasts):
Episode 197 of Edit Your Life
A few points that I found intriguing:
-women are typically socialized early on to be more interested in what is happening in the group (think back to middle school and girls constantly looking around to mimic their peers -“what is everyone else doing? do I fit in?”), whereas men are socialized to be more focused on themselves/ personal achievements and individual needs (“did I score a goal in the soccer game?? I’m so awesome!”).
-women learn to pay more attention to comparing themselves to others even as mothers years later (especially in regards to how they parent- “am I doing enough for my kids? are my kids missing out? So and so is going to space camp, should my kid be going to space camp??” etc.) whereas men many times just don’t even really necessarily think about their “identities” as fathers that much. It’s part of them, but doesn’t consume them in the same way as it does for mothers. They also stated that research supports the fact that men just don’t really experience “FOMO” (fear of missing out) nearly as much as women do.
-My favorite part was probably the last 25 minutes or so of the episode- they delved into the topic of balance and equality within the household between partners (chores, parenting, etc.) and what “fairness” means.
-One point I really liked was that it isn’t actually necessary to have everything be equal in a relationship. It can be better to focus on creating a system that feels balanced for both partners- even if maybe it isn’t, technically.
For example, if one person really values and cares about having an empty sink each night and doesn’t really mind doing the dishes, that person should probably be in charge of dishes! If another person is better at laundry or cares more about having perfectly wrinkle free t-shirts, that person should perhaps take that over. If one person is really patient when helping the kids with homework, maybe that person should do that while the other cleans up the dinner dishes.
They talk some about how taking some time to evaluate strengths/ weaknesses in a relationship and taking mutual ownership of the household can be really beneficial. Even if one person might end up “doing more” than another, if it is a mutual agreement that works to the strengths of each partner, it may still be the best option for that household. Doing more of something that feels easy or more natural to you may ultimately be less draining than keeping everything perfectly “even steven” but having to do a bunch of chores you despise.
He did caution that the WORST situation is having one single person be the “parent” of the household while the other person just kind of offers to “help”. They discuss the importance of people taking actual ownership for whatever they are in charge of in order to not breed resentment.
Anyway! Very interesting overall I thought. Check it out if you need something to listen to today!
How do you divide up tasks at your house?? I’m out of time and space to share more specifics of my household personally, but I’d be super interested to hear what others do.
I’m grateful that I had the chance to just sit and focus on the boys for a while and help them practice piano yesterday. I really enjoy being part of that but I just don’t always have the time. I was glad to have an uninterrupted chunk of time to devote to that yesterday.